What the jerk-a-thon is happening, all you dickbeaters who’ve shot load after load and drained yourself down to the last remaining iota of life force, you now resemble that old lady from Titanic who goes “It’s been 84 years” but you keep whacking and shooting until your wiener looks like the beef jerky version of Clint Eastwood’s face, Gollum sprints in your room, points at your mug, and shrieks in terror because you could double as a mummified crackhead dear God in heaven what HAVE YOU DONE—

And THAT, my friends, is why you glop on the lube while yer floggin’ yer hog!  Otherwise, that thing’ll end up looking like a sundried tomato!  Jesus fucking Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

What the dick-cheese is happening, all you well-washed folks who’ve come across that dude we all fucking know that hoards smelly human dairy within their cracks and crevices and now they’ve gone full-on supervillain and decided to leap into the tristate water reservoir, it leads a top-ranking general to look you gravely in the eye and rasp, “One teaspoon of that hits the floor, it’s lethal up to a hundred feet.  One teaspoon of that shit detonates in the atmosphere, it’ll kill every living organism in an eight-block radius.  Get the point?”  You launch into a Tom Cruise-worthy running montage where you’re yelling into your phone, telling the mayor to get off his fat fucking ass, call SWAT, call the Guard, call Rainbow Fucking Six because as of right now, half the continent is under imminent threat, at the same time Batman is in his Batplane doing Batman-type things and you think because he’s there you have a ghost of a chance but then he starts crying and screaming into the intercom FUCK we’re all so fucking FUCKED—

And THAT, my friends, is why you give your undercarriage a good fucking scrub!  There’s only so much Batman can do against a hair-coated cheese machine!  Jesus fucking Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀