Holy shit, I never thought I’d ever be invited into the motherfucking Justice League! All I got going for me is multiple awards as a dick-slanging Man Whore. I mean, I know a bit of jiu-jitsu and I own some nun-chuks, but…
A voice drifts down the Watchtower hallway. “I am vengeance…”
Whoa, is that BATMAN? He must be practicing his Dark Knight monologue! Bad. ASS. Man, I hope I get to come up with some personalized catchphrases! I could punch a villain in his evil fucking face, then loom over him and rasp, “Your mother paid me for sex.” No, that’s too on the nose. It’s on brand, but I need to think of something a little more—
“I am the night…”
He’s gonna say it! I break into a sprint, homing in on the door at the end of the hall. Can’t miss out on one of the most iconic spiels in the history of—
“I. AM. BATMAN!”
As I yank the door open, I watch in horror as he grips his dick and levels it at a Catwoman-shaped blowup doll (markedly more on the feline side than hot-lady-in-latex). Jizz-ropes splatter its face, neck, and chest, desecrating it with off-color splotches of cum.
For a long moment, we both lock eyes. Crickets.
Then he points a quivering finger at me. “You…YOU…”
I raise my hands in a I-didn’t-see-NOTHING gesture. “Um…it’s 2025, so you can fuck whatever you want, as long as it doesn’t break any laws.”
“LOOK AT IT!” He grabs his thimble-sized wiener and levels it at my face. “IT’S PATHETIC!!!”
“Agh!” I shield my face with my hands. “Gross!”
“It’s why I train so hard and beat the shit out of criminals, instead of using my wealth to induce societally meaningful change and reform! NO ONE CAN KNOW!” 240 lbs of costumed incel comes charging at me, murder shining in his bat-cowled eyes.
Holy FUCK. This wall-punching rage-hole is gonna rip my arms off, and possibly desecrate my skull with his hamster-tail wiener! So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Wonder Woman speed-blurs into the room. “I KNEW IT!” She points at his groin, causing him to bow his knees in and cover it with both hands. “THAT’S why you’re so good at eating vajeen! Well guess what, thimble-dick, you ain’t foolin’ NOBODY!”
“No it’s just cold! If you warm it up with a heated compress—”
“You think you can murder the competition, and deprive us womenfolk of this master penetrator?” She flings a hand at me (master penetrator—I could get used to that). “Guy’s built like a baby’s arm holding an apple, offering it up to the goddamn heavens!” She reaches behind her, draws a lightsaber-sized dildo, and thumbs the on switch, activating its chainsaw-style gamut of vibrating studs. As they loop continuously around the shaft, her dildo-sword erupts with a butt-puckering RRRRMMMMM.
“Diana, please!” He starts walking backwards, both hands out in a warding gesture. “I’ll leave him al—AHGODNO!”
Before I run out the door, I give him a big smile and a wave. Then I make a hole with my left index finger and thumb, and bust through it with my right fist while splaying out the fingers. That’s right shitstain—you’re about to experience what it’s like to give birth from the back end, courtesy of that dildo-sword giving you the hole-widening bid’ness!
Kent Wayne wins again! HEH heh heh!
😀
Have you walked in on a micro-dicked superhero, and triggered his world-crushing inferiority-powered rage? Never fear! Buy my books, summon Wonder Woman, and give that dude the hole-widening bid’ness!
Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1
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Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha 