“Look at these he-Whore!” Wonder Woman grabs my pecs, gives them both an appreciative heft, then sticks her tongue out for the camera as Lois snaps a couple pics. “Tight like bongos!” She drums them with horned-up coke-powered energy.
“Damn straight!” Lois snorts a line off the top of my wiener. “And look at this SCROTE!” She gives it a tug, grabs hold and motorboats—BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBL—then raises her fists in a boxer’s guard. “Like a couple a’ volleyballs in a burlap sack! Imma use it for a goddamn speedbag!”
“Whoa! Hey!” I cup my nuts and take a quick step back. “Easy on the volleyballs—that wasn’t included on the Man Whore Menu!”
“You’re no fun.” She crosses her arms and pouts in disappointment. “Whatever—gimme dat ASS!” She grabs my hams and sinks her teeth in a buttcheek.
“OW! Hey!” I skip-hop away and clutch my rump. “Easy!” (These ladies are NUTS!)
“WHERE’S THE MAN WHORE???” Catwoman busts in and cracks her whip. “LET’S SEE THAT WOMB-HAMMER!” She cracks her whip three more times, causing me to yelp and instinctively flinch.
I raise my hands in a conciliatory gesture. “All right ladies, let’s all take it down a—”
Batman and Superman bust through the ceiling. “There he is!” Bats levels a finger at my face. “The one who laughs at our small-penised rage!”
“I KNEW it!” Superman’s eyes glow heat-vision red. “We talked about this, Lois!”
My horned-up clients scatter like roaches.
“Uh…hi.” I wave with one hand and cup my peen with the other. No dice—it bounces and dangles between my knees. “Just gonna…” I shuffle-step backward. “I’m gonna GO.”
Superman turns into a blue-red blur. Suddenly, he’s right behind me, shutting the door and blocking the exit. Batman chucks a wire-lined batarang, wrapping me in coils of flexi-sectioned metal.
“You’ve done more damage than Joker, Luthor, and Darkseid combined.” He cracks his knuckles and strides toward me.
“How the fuck is an orgasm DAMAGE?” I rage. “Just because you two are packing the equivalent of a hamster-tail, made of some cheap-ass Temu-ordered extra-narrow silly-string—”
“SHUT IT!” Superman zaps my bare naked ass. As I jump and squeal, he tries (but fails) to stifle his agonized sobs.
Batman draws an extra-long Batarang. Wicked shine glides across its edge, then culminates and twinkles off its extra-sharp tip. “After I decapitate your monstrous wiener, I’ll mount the head in the Batcave, next to the dinosaur and the giant fucking penny.”
Shit. SHIT. I didn’t sign up for this. I’m just a working-class Man Whore, trynna keep the lights on and put food on the table. Fuck it. No options left. So I fall/dive onto my side, allowing me to reach inside my crumpled pants and open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
“Fucking turds!” Martha Stewart jumps out of an interdimensional portal and hunches over like Wolverine, ready to go ape-shit crazy on a horde of disposable goons. “You think you can bully my favorite Man Whore??? Try it against somebody your own damn power level!” Her gaze kindles with demon-fired blaze.
Batman and Superman start walking backward, holding their arms out in a lets-take-it-easy gesture. “No problem, Martha.” Superman chuckles nervously. “Everyone knows you mastered the Dark Arts. We’ll just be on our way and—”
“THE FUCK YOU WILL!” Martha roars. She grabs me around my waist, then chucks me backward in a vicious suplex. At the peak of her throw, she squeezes the base of my hole-widening dick, instantly making it rock fucking hard. Her timing is perfect—my wiener pierces Superman’s eye, bursting it open like an overripe grape.
“AAAGHHH!” He sinks to his knees and clutches the air, fingers trembling in what-the-fuck horror.
Batman turns and tries to run, but she swings my dick in a short tight arc, tripping him with the pleasingly dark-colored shaft. He rolls to and fro as she slashes my wiener up and down, cracking tile and the concrete beneath. Bats scrambles to his feet, Martha threatens him with the swollen tip—
—“NOT IN THE FACE!” He shields his mug with crossed forearms—
But it was all just a fake: she yanks his skull onto my quivering peen, sending it through his left ear and out through his right.
“Gave him an earful!” She dusts off her hands and cackles gleefully. “Get it? Earful! HA!” She slaps her knee and howls with mirth.
Jesus. CHRIST.
Kent Wayne wins again…I think?
Have you pissed off a superhero through your Man Whore-ing duties? Never fear! Buy my books, summon Dark Martha, and give him an earful of your weaponized genitals!
Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback. Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1
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Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha 