You know me as an author, but to legions of thirsty soccer moms, I’m known as an award-winning He-Trollop.  Unfortunately, birthing cool-ass stories about sci-fi robots, psychedelically powered reality-warping teens, and fantasy-world portal adventures where a college kid’s dog transforms into a Wolven King…yeah, it doesn’t pay much.  Fortunately, selling my girthy ol’ upcurve does the trick.  

A Man Whore’s gotta do what a Man Whore’s gotta do. 

Demographically speaking, my clientele is somewhat narrow:  Soccer Moms only.  I’ve whored around different communities, and I’ve settled on this one because they truly appreciate my strumpeting efforts.  They take particular delight in my varied menu for butthole stimulation, as well as my different choices for hole-widening smashing.  I’m proud of my range—it goes from slow-to-shlorp to spider-monkey-frenzy, to blow-your-soul-out with a side of drool-trickling-from-mouth, paired with a sprinkling of vacant thoughtless stare.  I understand.  If you’re trying to raise kids with names like Hunter, Kaiden, Maxwell, Brackston, or any other moniker that’s vulnerable to morphing into roofie-slinging frat-scum, it can do a number on your brain and drive you to seek a little release.  Soccer Moms get along with me, and I get along with Soccer Moms.

So imagine my surprise when I’m mid-thrust with my latest servicee, a banging (literally in this case) woman named Kelly who looks me in the eye and asks if she can speak to the manager.

“Come again?”  My brow wrinkles in confusion.

“Can I speak to the manager?”  Her lips split in a devilish grin, the kind you’d see before someone tore their face off and revealed they were Astaroth, or you discovered their skin-sack body was full of ravenous demon-bugs.

“No…” I whisper.  “NO!”  I stagger towards the door, but it’s too fucking late—her heinous energies have already infected me.

I just fucked a Karen. 

Black veins erupt across my skin.  Vomit surges up and spews past my lips.  As I writhe and seize and clutch the air, my dick doesn’t just shrink, it literally inverts and implodes into a black hole singularity, distorting the air as it begins pulling in mass. 

“Fuck you, Kent Wayne!” she cackles as she climbs out my window.  “That’ll teach you to dismiss our nonstop complaints!”  The last I see of her is her extended middle finger, wishing me a not-so-fond farewell before she slips out of my condo.

The room brightens with Hawking radiation.  My vision fills with disintegrating matter, warped by hazy bands of incoming space-time.  In a matter of seconds, the gravity will accelerate to the point of no return and collapse me into a point of infinite density.

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality-distortion powers.  Magic flash.

All around me, a sphere of holographic milf-porn leaps into existence.  I’m treated to countless variations of soccer-mom-shlorping.  Close-ups, povs, doggy from the side, doggy from the front, the tried and true cowgirl spasm-n-grind…my iris lights up with life-giving boffing.  If this were a movie, uplifting destiny-music would come to the fore while the audience was treated to an epic spinny-camera shot. 

Predictably, my big ol’ womb-hammer reverses its black-hole inversion and surges back into upcurved existence.  Yes!  Fuck you, you goddamn boner-to-black-hole, terrorist-ass Karens!  The world lives to see another day, and this Man Whore lives to please another Soccer Mom!

Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!

😀

Has some piece-of-shit Karen turned your genitals into a world-ending doomsday device?  Never fear!  Buy my books, activate their reality distorting powers, and save humanity by watching some existence-affirming porn! 

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!    

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!     #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

“Hey thanks for the invite.  I know I’m new to the Justice League, so I get how big of a deal this—”  As I open the door into Bruce Wayne’s penthouse, I jump back in shock.  “WHOA!  WHAT THE…”

Batman, butt-ass naked except for his doofy-eared cowl, is facing away, hands folded behind his back, staring out the hundredth-floor window.  

After a hanging moment, he rasps, “This city…this city never sleeps.”

“Um…”  I twiddle my fingers.  “Look, I’ll recuse myself from the League, alright?  I’m not into…whatever this is.  Anyways, I’mma leave you to it and be on my—”

“Doors.” 

Vault-like slabs KA-THUNK into place, barring me from fleeing his therapy-deprived ass (think I see a dingleberry in there—GROSS.)  Without turning around, he says, “Your power…it’s unique, to say the least.  I’ve fought gods and titans, mythical demons and interdimensional beings, yet none of their abilities have triggered me like yours.”

“Uh…you mean my prehensile wiener?”  I laugh nervously and rub the back of my neck.  “I mean…it’s 2024.  Weed is for boomers, psychedelics are passe.  Gotta change with the times, you know?  A prehensile dick was bound to appear somewhere along the—”

“It’s not just prehensile.”  His voice hitches and chokes as he suppresses a sob.  “The size and heft…the g-spot seeking curve, complemented by the perfect amount of graduated melanin…”  For a nerve-rending second, I’m afraid he’ll start bawling, but he regains his composure with a shaky breath—“Huh-huh-huh-HUH”— and begins speaking again.  “No one deserves such beautiful genitals.”

A long pause, then:  “No one.”

“Whatever you say man.”  I step carefully back, looking from side to side, trying to figure out an alternative exit.  “Not sure why you’re hating on me, but—”

“WITNESS GOD’S MISTAKE!”  He swivels in place, exposing me to a full shot of his withered sickly peen. 

“AGH!”  I raise both hands in a reflexive attempt to shield my eyes.  “It’s like a zombie-infected hamster tail!”

“I KNOW!” he rages, punching the wall and breaking it into clusters of ruined drywall.  “WHY DO YOU THINK I’M ALWAYS PISSED?  YOU CAN’T GET THIS GOOD WITHOUT SOME SERIOUS FUCKING ANGER ISSUES!  YEAH, MY PARENTS DIED, BUT THERE’S TONS OF ORPHANS OUT THERE—YOU DON’T SEE ANY OF THEM DEDICATING THEIR LIVES TO BECOMING NINJA-GENIUS CRIMEFIGHTING ICONS!”

My eyes narrow in dawning realization.  “It all makes sense…”

“AND WHY DO YOU THINK I HAVE SO MANY GIRLFRIENDS???  I CAN NEVER FUCKING SEAL THE DEAL!  THEY ALWAYS RUN WHEN THEY SEE WHAT I’M PACKING!”  He blasts an antique vase with a full-strength punt, shattering it into a million tiny shards.  “And YOU.”  He turns on his heel and marches toward me, quivering forefinger pointed right at my face.  “You humiliate me through your very EXISTENCE!  I’m gonna turn you inside out, then fuck the remains with your own gorgeous-ass dick!”

Holy.  FUCK.  Ever been threatened by a one in ten billion, genius/athlete incel?  Let me tell you, it is straight-up TERRIFYING.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Talia, Selena, and Wonder Woman bust through the windows, surprising us into hunching down and turning away.  When I open my eyes, they’re all lined up—feet spread, hands on their hips.

“Easy there, pimple dick,” Wonder Woman warns.  “You’re not gonna deprive us of this handsome piece of cockmeat.  Not after the bait and switch YOU tried to pull.”  Talia and Selena chime in with, “Mm-HMM,” and “OH yeah.”

“You don’t understand!”  Batman drops to his knees and clutches the air.  “It looks infinitely better after I chub it up!”  I cringe in disgust as he starts bobbling it with his pinkie.  “Just wait for the blood to flow and—”

“Jesus Christ,” Selena winces.  “It’s like you’re playing with an underfed clit.  C’mere Kent.”  She yanks down my pants and unravels my wiener from around my thigh.  “Lemme see that real quick.”  Then she slaps Bruce with my ponderous glans—wh’PAP! 

He rolls onto his side, drool trickling from his unconscious mouth.  The ladies bump knuckles, then Talia throws me a nod and asks, “What do we do with him?”

I shrug in mock-puzzlement.  “I dunno…what’ll you do with me?”

They all exchange a knowing grin.  Which, I’m happy to say, means exactly what you think it means. 

Yep.  Mm-hmm.  Four-way.  HEH heh heh!

Kent Wayne wins again!

😀

Has Batman tried to kill you for upstaging his genitals?  Never fear!  Buy my books, summon superhero hotties to defend your nethers, and put Bruce in his button-wienered place! 

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!    

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!     #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing