Yet another weird ad for my novels

KCHOOM.  I rocket out of Kent’s wiener toward my long-awaited destiny.  I’m Kent21909348, one of billions of sperm in his Spermatazoic Marine Corps.  Pretty soon, I’m gonna make it to the egg and fulfill my calling.  My raison d’être is to become a fully formed human, and while I love my brother sperm, I’ll be damned if I let any of them get in my way. 

A few seconds in, I sense something’s off.  Everything around us is moist and soft, but it’s different from what the briefings described.  I can’t put my finger on it…

Suddenly, another sperm shouts, “We’re in a mouth—he shot us into a FUCKING MOUTH!”

In the blink of an eye, millions of sperm go from sprinting forward, to wriggling as hard as they can in the other direction.  Holy shit—there’s the uvula, looming over us like some evil fucking punching bag. 

I’m already tired from my initial sprint.  Now I’m fighting for my fucking survival.  Exhaustion metastasizes throughout my body, weighing me down with soul-killing fatigue. 

“SWIM HARDER!” a fellow sperm shouts.  “SHE’S GOING TO SWALL—”

GALUMPH.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

Ten million sperm go down the hatch.  I fight back tears as their dying screams echo off the gums.  A Spermatazoic Marine meets my eyes, then shakes his head in a gesture of utter defeat.  I can’t believe it—it’s First Sergeant Kent93875604, one of the hardest sons of bitches to ever spawn from a testicle.  If he’s given up, we are well and truly fucked.

“I’m sorry, Kent21909348, I can’t keep going.  I—”

GALUMPH.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

He just disappeared into the goddamn void.  As I glance around, I’m struck by dread—there’s only a hundred of us left.  Even if we make it out through the teeth, there’s no way in hell we’ll make it back to the balls.

Fuck it.  No options left.  I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

I’m teleported out of the hellish mouth-hole—now I’m rocketing through the air with a billion other sperm.  A split-second in, Kent yells, “No, don’t point it at my FACE—” and then a lady screams, “I’m sorry!  My hand cramped up and—”

We deluge Kent with its own damn Nasties.  Rope after rope of smelly goo lands right in his eye, splashing into his mouth and blasting up through his nose. 

“ACK!  THBBT!  SWEET FUCKING JESUS!”

As he flails and thrashes, ineffable joy rises up from within—we’re giving this dickhead a taste of his own medicine.  Fuck you, Kent.  You deserve this for killing us by the literal billions, sending wave after wave of us into mouths and buttholes, wads of tissues and unwashed socks.  I hope you burn, motherfucker.  I hope you—

…….

…………………………….

Are you a grunt in the Spermatazoic Marine Corps, convinced you have a ghost of a chance to become a fully formed human, but then your traitorous master shoots you into an irrelevant orifice?  Never fear!  Buy my books, tap into their reality-distorting powers, and deluge your host-body with his own nasty fluids!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Yet another weird ad for my novels

“Look at these he-Whore!”  Wonder Woman grabs my pecs, gives them both an appreciative heft, then sticks her tongue out for the camera as Lois snaps a couple pics.  “Tight like bongos!”  She drums them with horned-up coke-powered energy.

“Damn straight!”  Lois snorts a line off the top of my wiener.  “And look at this SCROTE!”  She gives it a tug, grabs hold and motorboats—BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBL—then raises her fists in a boxer’s guard.  “Like a couple a’ volleyballs in a burlap sack!  Imma use it for a goddamn speedbag!”

“Whoa!  Hey!”  I cup my nuts and take a quick step back.  “Easy on the volleyballs—that wasn’t included on the Man Whore Menu!”

“You’re no fun.”  She crosses her arms and pouts in disappointment.  “Whatever—gimme dat ASS!”  She grabs my hams and sinks her teeth in a buttcheek.

“OW!  Hey!”  I skip-hop away and clutch my rump.  “Easy!”  (These ladies are NUTS!)

“WHERE’S THE MAN WHORE???”  Catwoman busts in and cracks her whip.  “LET’S SEE THAT WOMB-HAMMER!”  She cracks her whip three more times, causing me to yelp and instinctively flinch. 

I raise my hands in a conciliatory gesture.  “All right ladies, let’s all take it down a—”

Batman and Superman bust through the ceiling.  “There he is!”  Bats levels a finger at my face.  “The one who laughs at our small-penised rage!”

“I KNEW it!” Superman’s eyes glow heat-vision red.  “We talked about this, Lois!”

My horned-up clients scatter like roaches. 

“Uh…hi.”  I wave with one hand and cup my peen with the other.  No dice—it bounces and dangles between my knees.  “Just gonna…”  I shuffle-step backward.  “I’m gonna GO.”

Superman turns into a blue-red blur.  Suddenly, he’s right behind me, shutting the door and blocking the exit.  Batman chucks a wire-lined batarang, wrapping me in coils of flexi-sectioned metal. 

 “You’ve done more damage than Joker, Luthor, and Darkseid combined.”  He cracks his knuckles and strides toward me.

“How the fuck is an orgasm DAMAGE?” I rage.  “Just because you two are packing the equivalent of a hamster-tail, made of some cheap-ass Temu-ordered extra-narrow silly-string—”

“SHUT IT!”  Superman zaps my bare naked ass.  As I jump and squeal, he tries (but fails) to stifle his agonized sobs. 

Batman draws an extra-long Batarang.  Wicked shine glides across its edge, then culminates and twinkles off its extra-sharp tip.  “After I decapitate your monstrous wiener, I’ll mount the head in the Batcave, next to the dinosaur and the giant fucking penny.”

Shit.  SHIT.  I didn’t sign up for this.  I’m just a working-class Man Whore, trynna keep the lights on and put food on the table.  Fuck it.  No options left.  So I fall/dive onto my side, allowing me to reach inside my crumpled pants and open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

“Fucking turds!”  Martha Stewart jumps out of an interdimensional portal and hunches over like Wolverine, ready to go ape-shit crazy on a horde of disposable goons.  “You think you can bully my favorite Man Whore???  Try it against somebody your own damn power level!”  Her gaze kindles with demon-fired blaze. 

Batman and Superman start walking backward, holding their arms out in a lets-take-it-easy gesture.  “No problem, Martha.”  Superman chuckles nervously.  “Everyone knows you mastered the Dark Arts.  We’ll just be on our way and—”

“THE FUCK YOU WILL!” Martha roars.  She grabs me around my waist, then chucks me backward in a vicious suplex.  At the peak of her throw, she squeezes the base of my hole-widening dick, instantly making it rock fucking hard.  Her timing is perfect—my wiener pierces Superman’s eye, bursting it open like an overripe grape. 

“AAAGHHH!”  He sinks to his knees and clutches the air, fingers trembling in what-the-fuck horror.

Batman turns and tries to run, but she swings my dick in a short tight arc, tripping him with the pleasingly dark-colored shaft.  He rolls to and fro as she slashes my wiener up and down, cracking tile and the concrete beneath.  Bats scrambles to his feet, Martha threatens him with the swollen tip—

—“NOT IN THE FACE!”  He shields his mug with crossed forearms—

But it was all just a fake:  she yanks his skull onto my quivering peen, sending it through his left ear and out through his right. 

“Gave him an earful!”  She dusts off her hands and cackles gleefully.  “Get it?  Earful!  HA!”  She slaps her knee and howls with mirth.

Jesus.  CHRIST. 

Kent Wayne wins again…I think?

Have you pissed off a superhero through your Man Whore-ing duties?  Never fear!  Buy my books, summon Dark Martha, and give him an earful of your weaponized genitals!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Yet another weird ad for my novels

Thinking of milfs, jerking the meat, HERE IT CO—

Right as I bust, Chuck Norris sprints through the door and grabs my wiener.

“What in the FUCK?!?”  I shove him back and look down in horror.  It’s already shriveled into an acorn-sized nub.

“Ha!”  He puts his hands on his hips.  “Turned ya gay, ya communist pedo!  Now do what I say or I’ll tell everyone the truth!”

I buckle my pants and narrow my eyes at him.  “That…is not how any of that works.  None of those lies have anything to do with what you just did.  In fact, I could call the cops and have you arrested for assault.”

“Oh.”  He looks crestfallen.  “Uh…anyways, wanna help me save the world?”

“You couldn’t have just asked?” 

He scratches his head, looks nervously off to the side, and hisses through his teeth.  “I…uh…I just…”

“Let’s go.  Fucking idiot.”

ONE HOUR LATER…

“THERE!”  Chuck Norris hollers extra loud, so I can hear him over the WHUP-WHUP-WHUP of our helicopter’s rotors.  “THEY’RE SHITTING RED INK ON EVERYTHING THEY CAN FIND!”  He points at a horde of Grammar Nazis, excreting red liquid on phones, laptops, and any other writing utensil that happens to be within reach. 

“HOW DO YOU KNOW IT’S INK?” I shout.  “IT COULD JUST BE HEMORRHOIDS OR—”

“I TASTED IT!  IT’S DEFINITELY INK!”

Before I can express my undying disgust, he leaps off the skid, screams EHHHHH-HOOOOOO!!! and lands in their midst.  He throws a few of his trademark roundhouse kicks before he vanishes under a sea of balding pates, jawline-devoid faces, and pasty-skinned claws. 

“KENT!  HALP!”  I catch a glimpse of his sleeveless arm, poking out of his 80s denim vest, before a dozen more Grammar Nazis pile onto his torso. 

Fuck.  My wiener still looks like a frightened hamster tail, thanks to Chuck’s karate-roughened touch.  It’s my only weapon of any note, and I need to access it post fucking haste. 

Only one option left.  I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

My wiener instantly grows to its normal length.  Typically, I keep it coiled around my leg and tucked in my sock.  Right now, that would defeat the purpose of bringing it out of its coma, so I let it dangle as we swoop in low.  It roars in fury as it bludgeons hundreds of Grammar Nazis, clearing the streets of pedantic dorks.  Some get caught in the smegma-ridden folds—they claw the air with upturned hands, screaming like banshees as their faces melt off their Gollum-like skulls. 

Chuck scrabbles onto a goo-free section of my ponderous shaft.  “Good lord!” he exclaims.  “That is a LOT of stripper pimples!” 

I shrug in resignation.  “Their perfume is cheap.  Not the best when it comes to healthy pores.” 

He meets my eyes with a hopeful gaze.  “After we’re done here, do you wanna do nekkid bicep curls while staring at our bodies in a full-length mirr—”

“NO.”

He scowls and grumbles, “Communist pussy.”

Has Chuck Norris bumbled into your life, ham-handedly attempted to blackmail you with an act that should get him locked up in prison, then asked for your help with saving the world?  Never fear!  Buy my books, unleash the power of your unstoppable genitals, and hold back a tide of jawline-devoid Grammar Nazis!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Yet another weird ad for my novels

Holy shit, I never thought I’d ever be invited into the motherfucking Justice League!  All I got going for me is multiple awards as a dick-slanging Man Whore.  I mean, I know a bit of jiu-jitsu and I own some nun-chuks, but…

A voice drifts down the Watchtower hallway.  “I am vengeance…”

Whoa, is that BATMAN?  He must be practicing his Dark Knight monologue!  Bad.  ASS.  Man, I hope I get to come up with some personalized catchphrases!  I could punch a villain in his evil fucking face, then loom over him and rasp, “Your mother paid me for sex.”  No, that’s too on the nose.  It’s on brand, but I need to think of something a little more—

“I am the night…” 

He’s gonna say it!  I break into a sprint, homing in on the door at the end of the hall.  Can’t miss out on one of the most iconic spiels in the history of—

“I.  AM.  BATMAN!”

As I yank the door open, I watch in horror as he grips his dick and levels it at a Catwoman-shaped blowup doll (markedly more on the feline side than hot-lady-in-latex).  Jizz-ropes splatter its face, neck, and chest, desecrating it with off-color splotches of cum.

For a long moment, we both lock eyes.  Crickets.

Then he points a quivering finger at me.  “You…YOU…”

I raise my hands in a I-didn’t-see-NOTHING gesture.  “Um…it’s 2025, so you can fuck whatever you want, as long as it doesn’t break any laws.”

“LOOK AT IT!”  He grabs his thimble-sized wiener and levels it at my face.  “IT’S PATHETIC!!!”

“Agh!”  I shield my face with my hands.  “Gross!”

“It’s why I train so hard and beat the shit out of criminals, instead of using my wealth to induce societally meaningful change and reform!  NO ONE CAN KNOW!”  240 lbs of costumed incel comes charging at me, murder shining in his bat-cowled eyes.

Holy FUCK.  This wall-punching rage-hole is gonna rip my arms off, and possibly desecrate my skull with his hamster-tail wiener!  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

Wonder Woman speed-blurs into the room.  “I KNEW IT!”  She points at his groin, causing him to bow his knees in and cover it with both hands.  “THAT’S why you’re so good at eating vajeen!  Well guess what, thimble-dick, you ain’t foolin’ NOBODY!”

“No it’s just cold!  If you warm it up with a heated compress—”

“You think you can murder the competition, and deprive us womenfolk of this master penetrator?”  She flings a hand at me (master penetrator—I could get used to that).  “Guy’s built like a baby’s arm holding an apple, offering it up to the goddamn heavens!”  She reaches behind her, draws a lightsaber-sized dildo, and thumbs the on switch, activating its chainsaw-style gamut of vibrating studs.  As they loop continuously around the shaft, her dildo-sword erupts with a butt-puckering RRRRMMMMM.

“Diana, please!”  He starts walking backwards, both hands out in a warding gesture.  “I’ll leave him al—AHGODNO!”

Before I run out the door, I give him a big smile and a wave.  Then I make a hole with my left index finger and thumb, and bust through it with my right fist while splaying out the fingers.  That’s right shitstain—you’re about to experience what it’s like to give birth from the back end, courtesy of that dildo-sword giving you the hole-widening bid’ness! 

Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh! 

😀

Have you walked in on a micro-dicked superhero, and triggered his world-crushing inferiority-powered rage?  Never fear!  Buy my books, summon Wonder Woman, and give that dude the hole-widening bid’ness! 

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Yet another weird ad for my novels

“Oh, that’s interesting, Kent.”  My fifth-grade teacher studies my play-doh sculpture.  “A cross between a star destroyer…and a penis.”  Her brow wrinkles in consternation.

“SUPER star destroyer,” I correct.  “This is an Executor-class Dreadnought.  They were present at the Battles of Mako-Ta, Jekara, and Yavin.  Most of the manufacturing took place at Kuat Drive Yards, during the reign of the Galactic—”

“Nerd!”  Tanner Aken, class bully and pubescently-accelerated douchebag, points a finger at my play-doh masterpiece and looks around at his cronies.  “Minions—now is the time!” 

A horde of kids rush my teacher, forcing her out the door and locking it behind her.  Then they close in, darkening my starfighter craft with their encroaching shadows. 

I rise to my feet, holding up my hands in a conciliatory gesture.  “Easy, fuckers—nobody has to die today.  Stand down before I pull your large intestines out from your mouth, small intestines out from your ass, and use your bodies as a bunch of fucked-up jump ropes.”

Tanner brays out laughter.  “We have you outnumbered a dozen to one!  What are you gonna do, asswipe?”  His neander-fuck friends burst into giggles, as if he just delivered a world-class insult, and start giving each other high-fives and chest bumps. 

I point at the shitstain to his left.  “Qris Norvell.  Your dad gets pegged while he’s wearing a wolf suit.  I taped it from my bedroom window.”  Then the one on my far right flank.  “Odyssey Whittle.  Your mom’s been dipping into your Adderall.  When she can’t fill the scrip, she blows the local dealer and scores a little extra.”  Back to the left, three douchebags over.  “Tackle Jefferson.  The bank’s foreclosing on your soulless Mcmansion.  In a couple of months, your parents’ effort to keep up with the Jones’s will lead to a giant fiscal shit in their budgetary mouths.”  Qris, Odyssey, and Tackle start hitching and sobbing.  I shoot them all a malevolent grin.  “Only a matter of time before your moms start banging their big-dicked tennis trainers.  And for the love of fuck, change your names.  You all sound like a church-grown boy band that failed at their debut and turned into a bunch of roofie-slinging frat bo—”

“ENOUGH!”  Tanner levels a finger at my face.  “RIP HIM APART!”

No options left.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

All of existence opens before me.  I direct my intent through some different possibilities, collapse a series of quantum potentials…

Voila!  I’ve aged twenty five years in the span of a second.  Not only that, but my enemies’ moms have materialized before me, groping my big ol’ peen as it bounces between my knees like the dude at the end of an extra-springy bungee rope. 

“I’m sick of you brats!”  Qris’s mom drops to her knees and smacks my girthy upcurve on her outstretched tongue.  “Gonna get me a much-deserved widening from this grade-A Man Whore!” 

As my enemies burst into hysterical tears, I give them an it-is-what-it-is, that’s-the-way-the-cookie-crumbles type of shrug.  “Shouldn’t have made fun of me for my Executor-class Star Destroyer.”

Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!

😀

Have douche-bros in training condemned and persecuted you for your high-culture tastes?  Never fear!  Buy my books, widen their moms, and make them regret their neander-fuck ways!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Yet another weird ad for my novels

Goddamn, I hate being stuck in Middle fucking Earth.  The War of the Ring’s over, all the hot Elven moms have departed for the Undying Lands, so that leaves me beating my dick like it owes me money.  Maybe I should take a couple of days off.  It’s starting to look like a dried strip of jerky…

Aragorn busts in my door, gasping like he’s about to shit his mithril-laced pants.  “SAURON HAS RETURNED!”  He grabs my shoulders and starts freaking the fuck out.  “What do we do?  WHAT DO WE DO???”

“How should I know?” I snap.  “Get your hands off me before I—hold on.”  I straighten in place. 

“What?” he demands.  “WHAT???”

“Get Arwen.”

FIVE MINUTES LATER…

“So I crossed into your world with my magic eReader,” I explain.  “Once I open it to one of my novels, I’ll activate its reality-distorting powers.  Here’s what that means in practical terms:  baby-fied Sauron will teleport into Arwen’s womb.  I’ll start fucking her with my upcurved peen, gross him out, and force him to give up on his kingdom-conquering bullshit.  Sound like a plan?”

“Hold!” Aragorn yells.  “In what world do you need to remake reality so that Sauron is trapped in a baby’s flesh, placed inside my wife’s belly, just so you can batter him with your grotesquely large—”

“The Man Whore is right!” Arwen interjects.  “It’s the only way to save Middle Earth!”

“It is NOT the only way!” Aragorn shouts.  “Do you seriously think—”

“Stop being selfish!  Now let him attend to my whispering eye!”

“But…that’s not…”

Arwen throws me a resolute nod.  “Quickly, Man Whore!  Widen me with your gargantuan phallus!”

“She said it, not me.”  I give Aragorn a hapless, it-is-what-it-is shrug.  “All right, here goes!”  I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

A few seconds later, Sauron is inside Arwen and so am I.  As I slappa-slap away, he telepathically reaches out to us from her womb.  [What is this unholy perfidy???  Cease this at once!  I AM THE DARK FUCKING LORD!  GET THIS COCK OUT OF MY MORGOTH-DAMNED FACE!!!]

“Deeper!” Arwen pants.  “Batter his temples with your award-winning member!”

“Let me hit it from the back!” I gasp.  “I’ll spear that fucker right through his skull!”

Aragorn runs away, sobbing into his cupped hands.  Meanwhile, as Arwen turns around and offers her booty, Sauron keeps ranting and raving like a psycho.  Unfortunately for him, my thrusts interrupt his pleas/demands.  [Don’t—HGGH!  Wait just a—GAH!  I command you to—AGH!]

That’s what you get for being an evil piece of shit—big ol’ penis right to the dome!  HEH heh heh!  Kent Wayne wins again!

😀

Has Sauron made an unexpected resurgence?  Never fear!  Buy my books, tap their magic powers, and beat his face in with your award-winning genitals! 

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Yet another weird ad for my novels

Captain Decker yells, “Direct all power into reverse thrusters!”  Our pilots click away at their holo-displays, funneling every last ounce of our ship’s muscle into backing away from the hungry black hole.

As we come to a screeching halt, Decker orders, “Do.  Not.  MOVE.”  On the front-screen displays, our thrusters glow with lucent blue light, pouring everything they have into preventing us from getting sucked in and spaghettified. 

“Okay…good.  Now.  Everyone walk toward the back of the ship.  SLOWLY.”

Our chief physicist, Leia Somatic, blurts, “Do you seriously think you’re going to alter our mass by standing in the back of the ship?  Are you fucking INSANE?”

“DO IT!” he barks.  “NOW!  I’ll think of something else in a couple of minutes!” 

The crew starts murmuring.  But none of them have any viable options, so we all get up and walk toward the back of the ship. 

Once we’re all clustered together, Decker holds out his hands in a placating gesture, one that says, Don’t get crazy.  “All right, let’s start with a systems check.  Anything that doesn’t need to be on, turn it off, and give our reversal a little more oomph.”

“Now you’re making sense,” Leia mutters.

He shoots her a warning look.  “I noticed on my panel that someone had milf porn up on their holo.  Whoever that was…”

SHIT.  A drop of sweat beads on my temple.  I try and throttle down my milf-brained mind, but it’s way too late.  I’m already thinking about the slurpy-slurp-slurp, along with some mac-n-cheese noises followed by the inevitable slappy-slap-slap of my hips against—

“KENT!”  Decker throws a disgusted look at my bulging crotch.  “Good God man, we’re trying to figure out how to survive a black hole!  Save it for another time, you fucking degene—”

Suddenly, the ship lurches forward with an ominous creak.

“Was that…”  Leia Somatic looks from side to side in guarded horror.  “Surely not.”

More blood pools in the head of my semi, causing the ship to lurch forward a couple more millimeters. 

“That’s impossible!” Leia shouts.  “That’s not even PHYSICS!”

Decker looks from her to me, suddenly realizing that my bulging crotch is pulling us toward space-time oblivion.  “Stop, Kent—STOP NOW!”

“I can’t!” I squeal.  “My brain is on autopilot—too many milfs, too many boobies!  Also, I’m fucking huge—my dick is like a baby’s arm holding a fuji apple, offering it up to the goddamn heavens!”

“Kill it!”  He points at my wiener.  “KILL IT WITH FIRE!”

Fuck it.  No options left.  As the First Engineer runs for the armory, I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

My diamond-worshipping ex, Irma Horfendorff, manifests in front of me and grabs my crotch.  “Heard you need to shrink this down.”  She grins.  “I know just the thing.  My Karen energies are gonna turn it into a thimble-sized dick.”

“Wait, hold on, take it slo—HRRRGHHHAAAAAAAAGGHHH!!!”  Before I can stop her, my wiener shrinks down to the size of an acorn.  I drop to my knees, gasping and heaving, as she dematerializes with a demonic-ass laugh.

“She did it!”  Leia Somatic gapes at the monitor as our ship backs free of the event horizon. 

“Not…worth it,” I moan.

“Don’t you worry.”  She kneels down beside me and gives my wiener a possessive tap.  “Gonna have that thing back up to snuff in no time.”

Kent Wayne wins again…I think?

Have your genitals circumvented your ship’s black-hole-defying thrusters?  Never fear!  Buy my books, summon your Karen-esque ex, and give those thrusters a gravitational break!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Yet another weird ad for my novels

Taylor Swift reclines on her lizard-skin sofa, holding a glass of whale-sperm wine.  “You’re an award-winning Man Whore.  To say I’m expecting a lot would be a massive understatement.  Now get to Man Whore-ing, you sluttalicious he-trollop.”

I clear my throat.  “Um…ok.  Put on your underbib so you don’t stain the couch.”  I saunter toward her and brush the hair from my eyes.

She spit-takes into her half-full glass.  “I book the highest-rated fuckpig in the entire history of cock for hire, and the best you can do is a goddamn FOREHEAD REVEAL???  Try again, peasant!”

Shit.  Time to whip out the big guns (gun, singular, would be more accurate).  So I walk to the door of her office, adjust my peen so the head is poking out, then turn around and saunter back toward her. 

She immediately starts salivating.  “That’s what I’M TALKING ABOUT!”  She punches her own face like a meth’d up linebacker, and begins hooting like an inmate at a top-tier strip club.  “I can see the girth and curve right through your pants!  Holy shit, it looks like a baby’s arm holding an apple, offering it up to the goddamn heavens!”

“Pretty sweet, huh?  Thanks to a much-welcome genetic quirk, it also tastes like the award-winning pièce de résistance from season 5 of the Great British Bake—”

“RRRGHHH!”  Travis Kelce explodes through the wall, flooding the air with plaster and mortar, and spear-tackles my ass with his giant sweaty body.  “How could you, Taylor?”  Veins bulge from his forehead and neck.  “HOW COULD YOU???”

She glances at her bare-skinned wrist.  “Whoops, look at the time!  We’ll blow something up and chant ‘USA, USA,’ later tonight—I promise!”  She grabs her purse and runs out the door.

Travis Kelce, still sitting on top of my sternum, reaches out as she flits past his side.  “Wait…but you said…What the…”  Then he grabs me by the lapels.  “ARRRRGH—SO MUCH RAGE!  GOING TO BITE RIGHT THROUGH YOUR GIANT SEXY DICK!”

Jesus CHRIST.  There’s no way I can fend off a 280 lb, dick-biting neanderfuck.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Martha Stewart rockets through the ceiling, landing in a superhero crouch behind the football star.  She buries her fingers in his wide-flaring nostrils, whirls into a discus-thrower spin, and throws the tight end into the wall, creating a second hole beside the one he just made.  Travis bounces off a Taylor statue in the hallway, then crumples into a lifeless heap.

He looks up at Martha with tear-blurred eyes.  “Muh…mercy…”

She chuckles as her shadow falls across his face.  “Riddle me this:  how does an alpha bitch like me spend time in prison?  Trading different brands of ramen and crying at therapy?  Nah, fucker, I meditate on how to beat and desecrate meatheads like you.  I call it my ‘Dark Martha’ phase.  And this would be…”  She trails off, cants her head, and flourishes her hand in a come-on-take-a-guess gesture.

“Dark Martha…era?”  Snot runs out of Travis’s ruined nose. 

“Exactly.”  Her grins turns sharklike, then she tosses him into the air.  As he comes back down, she uppercuts him through the center of his anus—“Daaaark MARTHA!”—bisecting his torso before her hand stops inside his cro-mag skull.  She proceeds to work it like a grotesque puppet:  “I’m Travis Kelce,” she declares in an oafish voice.  “I smell like socks and man-ass!  BWAHAHAHA!”

I run out of the office, sobbing and sniveling from the sheer fucking horror.  Yes, I unleashed Dark Martha, but at what cost???

AT.  WHAT.  COST????

*Cue the climactic part of the theme from Requiem for a Dream*

Have you been caught canoodling with a pop star, and now have to escape from her neander-fuck boyfriend?  Never fear!  Buy my books, summon Dark Martha, and watch as she defeats him with her anus-bisecting uppercut!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Yet another weird ad for my novels

Grammar Nazi Prime grabs my shoulders.  “I need…to enter…a VAGINA.”  He bores into my eyes with a haunted gaze.

“Um…why do you have to say it like that?”  I delicately remove his hands from my shoulders.

“We’ve been lifelong enemies, but now I come to you in a spirit of penitence—I will no longer hound you with grammatical strictures.  But please, for the love of God and all that is holy, help me consummate a sexual union!”

“That…is not an improvement.  I’d prefer the word ‘fuck’ over either of—”

He drops to his knees and sobs into his hands.  “AHGODPLEASE!”

“Jesus!  All right, I’ll help you!”

“Thank you, Kent Wayne.”  He wipes away snot with the back of his wrist.  It forms a bubble, then trails from his nose to the edge of his hand.  (Gross).  “Thank you.”

Over the next few weeks, I make him work out, practice small talk, and shift his focus onto relaxation, positivity, and fun.  Then, on the third week of training…

“MMMFF!”  I thrash in place, but no dice—he duct-taped me to the back of a goddamn chair.

GNP yanks the tape off my lips.  “Ha!  You actually thought I desired your tutelage?  Not a chance, Wayne—I’ll never stop picking at your unholy stories!  NEVER!”

My hazy vision sharpens and resolves.  We’re in a bare concrete room, lit by a naked, industrial-strength bulb.  “This whole time…”

“Yes!” he crows.  “You fell prey to my simpering wiles!  Do you really think I care about sex?”  He drops trou in front of my face, revealing his shriveled, atrophied penis.  It looks like a freakish mole-rat worm, completely devoid of length, girth, and melanin. 

“HOORRRKKK!!!”  Projectile vomit spews from my gob.  He ducks as it rockets past his face, coating the wall in green-brown chunks.  “Please…” I whisper.  “Put it away…”

He zips up and chuckles.  “So now you understand.  No sane woman would insert this phallus between her labia.  My true quest has always been—and will always be—to enact revenge against my greatest enemy:  Kent Wayne, prolific author and award-winning Man Whore.”

I sag in place, drool yawing down from my parted lips.  “Stop…stop talking about sex.  Every time you do it, you somehow make it worse.” 

He nods at my crotch.  “Much like Delilah, I will sever the source of your fortune and strength, albeit in a more far more gruesome and unseemly manner.”  He snaps on a latex glove, then brandishes a pair of oversized scissors.  “Prepare yourself, Wayne—now is the winter of my discontent!”

Holy.  FUCK.  He wants to cut off my award-winning womb-hammer!  Ain’t no way.  So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

My wiener untucks from my sock, uncoils from my leg, and punches through the front of my pants.  “YOU WANT MY BLOOD????” it roars.  “COME AND TAKE IT!”

GNP blurts, “DON’T—” before it smacks him twice across the face, coils itself across his torso and limbs, then lifts him up and stretches him into a painful crucifix.  “HRRRNNGHH…”  Blood leaks from the corner of his lips.  “Mercy…”

My wiener shloops down onto GNP’s dome, encasing his skull in the remains of my foreskin.  Dear God…it looks like he’s being eaten by a giant veiny diving helmet.  “MMRFF!  MMRFF!”  He thrashes in place, trying to escape a prison made of dickskin and smegma.  It slowly leaks around the edges of the seal, oozing down his pencil-thin neck.  Seconds later, he passes out and goes limp.

Welp, that’s what you get for trynna cut off my womb-hammer!  Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!

😀

Has a finger-wagging dickhead tried to lop off your genitals?  Never fear!  Buy my books, weaponize your nether parts, and smother him in a penis-helmet filled with Gross!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Yet another weird ad for my novels

You may not know this, but Tolkien left out an important, history-changing kingdom in LOTR. How do I know?  Because I was there…

SOMEWHERE ON MIDDLE EARTH…

A random squire comes running up to me.  “Gondor calls for aid!”  He thrusts a finger at my bedroom window, where the beacons of Gondor are burning off in the distance.

As I roll away from a trio of hot Elven milfs, out of my bed and onto the floor, I scratch-n-sniff my nuts (why do we do that?  One of life’s greatest mysteries.), stare at the beacons, and declare, “AND DILF-HAN WILL ANSWER!”

The local king strides through my door.  “This realm is not Dilf-han, Kent Wayne of Earth.  It goes by—”

I interrupt with, “Before I portaled into your realm, I told a young woman my actual age, and she responded that I was a dilf.  It’s a play on Rohan, only with dilf at the beginning of it.  Get it?  Huh?  Yeah?”

“I understand what you’re saying, but we’re not going to change the name of—”

“What about THIS?”  I stand tall and flex my guns, tensing my abs and bringing them into stark relief.  “Dilfy as hell!”

He buries his eyes in the crook of his thumb and forefinger.  “No, that’s not what I—”

“How about…THIS???”  I shloop my undies off, and grab hold of my girthy upcurved wiener. 

“Ye gods!”  He extends his arms and shields his face, turning away so he doesn’t have to look at my egg-scrambling womb-hammer.  “Fine—call it what you want!  Just…put that away and put on some pants!”

“You got it.”  I shloop into my undies and cross my arms.  “What’s the deal?  Gonna head over to Gondor and fuck up Sauron’s cronies?”

“Nay, Kent Wayne of Earth.”  He nods at the window, drawing my attention toward Sauron’s Ringwraiths, closing the distance with frightening speed.

“They’re already here.”

Minutes later, I ride out to meet them with the army of Dilf-han.  I start giving them orders—spearmen, form two staggered lines and ready your weapons, everyone else fall in behind them and draw blades and clubs—but a second later, they turn tail and run.

“OH COME ON!” I spread my arms as they flee.  “I’M THE ONLY DILF HERE THAT’S WILLING TO FIGHT???  FINE—MORE ELF-MOMS FOR ME, YOU GUTLESS FUCKING COWARDS!”

“Turn and face us, dilf.”  The Ringwraith leader draws his sword.  “ ’Ere the end of this day, I’ll mount your head atop a pike.  The Dark Lord doesn’t care for your orifice-widening, mother-seducing genitals, and neither do his loyal servants.”  The rest of the Ringwraiths jeer and hiss.

“Um…shit.”  This would have been tough with a fully manned army, but now…

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending, reality-distortion powers.  Magic flash.

An interdimensional portal opens behind them, spewing out legions of snarling, blond-bobbed Karens.  Leading the charge is the One Karen to Rule Them All, otherwise known as my ex Irma Horfendorff.

The Karens descend like a swarm of locusts, tearing through undead flesh with rabid fervor.  Their leader breaks west.  A pack of Karens zeroes in on him, galloping toward him on all fours.  They leap high in the air, momentarily eclipsing the sun, before arrowing down like peregrine falcons and yanking him out of his motherfucking saddle. 

“Damn you, Kent Wayne!”  He shakes his gauntleted fist at me.  “DAMN YOU TO—HKKK!”  The rest of his words are lost in blood-drenched claws, the relentless gnashing of feral Karen teeth, and the haunting sight of a dozen blond bobs, ripping him to bits while asking for the manager.

Welp, that’s what you get for fucking with Dilf-han!  Eat shit, Ringwraiths—I got me some hot Elven moms who are requesting my Man Whore services! 

Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!

😀

Are you riding out to battle some Ringwraiths, only to have your entire army turn tail and run?  Never fear!  Buy my books, summon your hellish ex and a legion of Karens, then tear those dipshits into bite-size pieces!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing