Tag: Scifi

I’ve been hired as Aragorn’s personal assistant, and ironically, everyone on his staff agrees that it was more fun during the War of the Ring.  “I’m bored, Kent,” he grumbles to me.  I say, “I can always arrange an outing with Arwen, milord.  Perhaps a foray into Mirkwood to stir up some excitement?”  He replies,…

I’ve served as an Imperial Stormtrooper for three years, but today is my first day on the job in Lord Vader’s retinue.  Right now he’s Force-choking me.  I’m clutching at my neck, my toes twitching spastically in the air as he demands, “I ordered a venti soy quadruple shot latte with no foam.  That’s FOUR shots,…

I’m wandering around the zoo, returning bored looks from a buncha sleeping tigers and apes, watching kids pick their noses and scream like the ironically less-well-behaved counterparts of monkeys that they are.  Suddenly I pass by an adamantium cage with a row of women in chairs, sitting with their backs facing me.  I stop and…

Time for a pee break.  I leave my cubicle and head for the bathroom.  My boss and his three cronies are up and about, loosely trailing me, but I think nothing of it.  I pick a urinal, unzip, and stare at the wall in silent stoicism as I drain the lizard, just like a Man should.  The…