Tag: romance
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Holy shit, I never thought I’d ever be invited into the motherfucking Justice League! All I got going for me is multiple awards as a dick-slanging Man Whore. I mean, I know a bit of jiu-jitsu and I own some nun-chuks, but… A voice drifts down the Watchtower hallway. “I am vengeance…” Whoa, is that…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
“Oh, that’s interesting, Kent.” My fifth-grade teacher studies my play-doh sculpture. “A cross between a star destroyer…and a penis.” Her brow wrinkles in consternation. “SUPER star destroyer,” I correct. “This is an Executor-class Dreadnought. They were present at the Battles of Mako-Ta, Jekara, and Yavin. Most of the manufacturing took place at Kuat Drive Yards,…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Goddamn, I hate being stuck in Middle fucking Earth. The War of the Ring’s over, all the hot Elven moms have departed for the Undying Lands, so that leaves me beating my dick like it owes me money. Maybe I should take a couple of days off. It’s starting to look like a dried strip…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Captain Decker yells, “Direct all power into reverse thrusters!” Our pilots click away at their holo-displays, funneling every last ounce of our ship’s muscle into backing away from the hungry black hole. As we come to a screeching halt, Decker orders, “Do. Not. MOVE.” On the front-screen displays, our thrusters glow with lucent blue light,…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Taylor Swift reclines on her lizard-skin sofa, holding a glass of whale-sperm wine. “You’re an award-winning Man Whore. To say I’m expecting a lot would be a massive understatement. Now get to Man Whore-ing, you sluttalicious he-trollop.” I clear my throat. “Um…ok. Put on your underbib so you don’t stain the couch.” I saunter toward…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Grammar Nazi Prime grabs my shoulders. “I need…to enter…a VAGINA.” He bores into my eyes with a haunted gaze. “Um…why do you have to say it like that?” I delicately remove his hands from my shoulders. “We’ve been lifelong enemies, but now I come to you in a spirit of penitence—I will no longer hound…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
You may not know this, but Tolkien left out an important, history-changing kingdom in LOTR. How do I know? Because I was there… SOMEWHERE ON MIDDLE EARTH… A random squire comes running up to me. “Gondor calls for aid!” He thrusts a finger at my bedroom window, where the beacons of Gondor are burning off…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Wonder Woman taps a line of coke onto my wiener, snorfs it up, and yells, “Ah said GYATT DAMN!!!” Lois Lane shoves her aside and taps a fresh line of snow onto the Widener (don’t judge—we all have a nickname for it). “WHOO!!!” She drums my bare ass—pitta-pitta-PAP! “BEST. MAN WHORE. EVERRRR!!!!” I grin at…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
“I’m coming for you, Kent! And hell’s comin’ with me!” Chuck Norris glares at me through my phone screen, thrusts his hips and grabs his crotch, and throws me the finger before he hangs up Fuck, what did I do??? I need to get out of here before— He roundhouse-kicks through my fucking garage, crinkling…
Kent Wayne 