Tag: romance

You may not know this, but Tolkien left out an important, history-changing kingdom in LOTR. How do I know?  Because I was there… SOMEWHERE ON MIDDLE EARTH… A random squire comes running up to me.  “Gondor calls for aid!”  He thrusts a finger at my bedroom window, where the beacons of Gondor are burning off…

Wonder Woman taps a line of coke onto my wiener, snorfs it up, and yells, “Ah said GYATT DAMN!!!”  Lois Lane shoves her aside and taps a fresh line of snow onto the Widener (don’t judge—we all have a nickname for it).  “WHOO!!!”  She drums my bare ass—pitta-pitta-PAP!  “BEST.  MAN WHORE.  EVERRRR!!!!”  I grin at…

“I’m coming for you, Kent!  And hell’s comin’ with me!”  Chuck Norris glares at me through my phone screen, thrusts his hips and grabs his crotch, and throws me the finger before he hangs up Fuck, what did I do???  I need to get out of here before— He roundhouse-kicks through my fucking garage, crinkling…