Tag: romance
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Grammar Nazi Prime races ahead of me. “Victory is mine!” He snatches Aladdin’s Lamp and gives me the finger. “Now you will pay for besmirching grammar and diction!” “Wait!” I extend a hand. “You don’t have to—” The lamp emits a blinding flash. AFTER SPACE-TIME CALMS BACK DOWN… What the…someone taped me to the back…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
KCHOOM. I rocket out of Kent’s wiener toward my long-awaited destiny. I’m Kent21909348, one of billions of sperm in his Spermatazoic Marine Corps. Pretty soon, I’m gonna make it to the egg and fulfill my calling. My raison d’être is to become a fully formed human, and while I love my brother sperm, I’ll be…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
“Look at these he-Whore!” Wonder Woman grabs my pecs, gives them both an appreciative heft, then sticks her tongue out for the camera as Lois snaps a couple pics. “Tight like bongos!” She drums them with horned-up coke-powered energy. “Damn straight!” Lois snorts a line off the top of my wiener. “And look at this…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Thinking of milfs, jerking the meat, HERE IT CO— Right as I bust, Chuck Norris sprints through the door and grabs my wiener. “What in the FUCK?!?” I shove him back and look down in horror. It’s already shriveled into an acorn-sized nub. “Ha!” He puts his hands on his hips. “Turned ya gay, ya…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Holy shit, I never thought I’d ever be invited into the motherfucking Justice League! All I got going for me is multiple awards as a dick-slanging Man Whore. I mean, I know a bit of jiu-jitsu and I own some nun-chuks, but… A voice drifts down the Watchtower hallway. “I am vengeance…” Whoa, is that…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
“Oh, that’s interesting, Kent.” My fifth-grade teacher studies my play-doh sculpture. “A cross between a star destroyer…and a penis.” Her brow wrinkles in consternation. “SUPER star destroyer,” I correct. “This is an Executor-class Dreadnought. They were present at the Battles of Mako-Ta, Jekara, and Yavin. Most of the manufacturing took place at Kuat Drive Yards,…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Goddamn, I hate being stuck in Middle fucking Earth. The War of the Ring’s over, all the hot Elven moms have departed for the Undying Lands, so that leaves me beating my dick like it owes me money. Maybe I should take a couple of days off. It’s starting to look like a dried strip…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Captain Decker yells, “Direct all power into reverse thrusters!” Our pilots click away at their holo-displays, funneling every last ounce of our ship’s muscle into backing away from the hungry black hole. As we come to a screeching halt, Decker orders, “Do. Not. MOVE.” On the front-screen displays, our thrusters glow with lucent blue light,…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Taylor Swift reclines on her lizard-skin sofa, holding a glass of whale-sperm wine. “You’re an award-winning Man Whore. To say I’m expecting a lot would be a massive understatement. Now get to Man Whore-ing, you sluttalicious he-trollop.” I clear my throat. “Um…ok. Put on your underbib so you don’t stain the couch.” I saunter toward…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Grammar Nazi Prime grabs my shoulders. “I need…to enter…a VAGINA.” He bores into my eyes with a haunted gaze. “Um…why do you have to say it like that?” I delicately remove his hands from my shoulders. “We’ve been lifelong enemies, but now I come to you in a spirit of penitence—I will no longer hound…
Kent Wayne 