Tag: poetry

Give my books a read and a review!

DirtySciFiBuddha6 Comments

What the death-taint is happening, all you nasty taint-neglecters who’ve built up a thriving civilization on your fleshy undercarriage (tiny beast-folk, grotesque hobgoblins, translucent humanoids and other wonders and horrors that boggle the mind and defy the imagination) only to run into that fuckfaced coworker who posts stuff on LinkedIn that sounds like a cross between a copy-pasted motivational speech, shitty haiku, and an emotionally stunted football coach who can’t speak in their own words so they mindlessly spout cliches and aphorisms that lack all context and survive sheerly on the dint of rhythmic appeal God what a waste of fucking oxygen the world would have entered a utopian age if his dad just shot him in a sock or his mother just swallowed him you can’t STAND this fuckhole so you wipe your taint-gunk all over his yuppie-fied face he immediately starts screaming and drops to his knees and yanks out a wakizashi so he can commit seppuku and end the fucking pain—

Whoa, whoa WHOA!  Yeah, we all hate those LinkedIn idiots who finds new ways to say, “You worked hard.  But I worked harder.”  THAT, however, doesn’t give you a right to melt his face off with your taint-spawned mini-civilization!  Goddamn!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

Musings

DirtySciFiBuddha14 Comments

I’ve noticed my negative thoughts fall into two distinct types. The first type–where I consciously and deliberately frame things in a negative light–is like pouring fuel on the fire, or voluntarily putting my hand on a hot stove, and doesn’t lead to anything productive. The second type–negative thoughts and feelings that arise without my bidding–are simply a reflex, and dissipate faster once I allow them to exist and allow them to be felt (suppression/denial/willful ignorance of them results in false positivity, which only makes me more negative).

The first type results from a deliberate act of will, while the second is an automatic event. The first is good to avoid, while the second is good to allow.

Maybe that’s just how it works in my head, and my head alone. I’m not sure.

Give my books a read and a review!

DirtySciFiBuddha5 Comments

What the dicktographer is happening, all my fellow dick-pic-ers who obsess over the best angle to highlight the frenulum or shaft or maybe that big ol’ pee-hole that never functions like it’s supposed to and shotguns urine all over the place like some kind of hellish lawn sprinkler wait maybe you should hair-gel the pubes into some kind of Elvis-like pompadour or highlight the balls because even though they’re quite possibly the ugliest part of a human body you want to show they’re big enough to stimulate the clit when you’re hitting it from behind OOH how about a bowtie under the dickhead or maybe tattoo it like a space rocket you could go dozens of ways with this make it look like a banana or cucumber or one of those crazy-ass Xenomorph tongues—

Mother of FUCK, it ain’t no supermodel!  Put a ruler on the base—starting at the TOP, you cheaters, not at the edge of your goddamn asshole—a tape measure around the base, and show them you got what it takes to come through with some orgasms!  And no, you can NOT photoshop the numbers on the ruler! 

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

Musings

DirtySciFiBuddha23 Comments

Recently, I’ve concluded it’s not my negativity that gets in the way; negativity arises spontaneously, as an instinctive response to an unpreferable circumstance. It’s my temptation to CLING to the negativity that holds me back–whether that manifests as denial, suppression, pretending it doesn’t exist, arguing whether it should be there, arguing whether it shouldn’t…when I let myself think whatever I spontaneously think, when I let myself feel whatever I spontaneously feel, my negativity gets to have its say, it gets to rant and rave, and then it leaves after it runs out of steam. Thus far, this is the fastest way for me to process it so I can move on.

Ironically, I’ve found it’s possible to do this without any outward indication that it’s happening within.

Yet another weird ad for my novels

DirtySciFiBuddha120 Comments

As I plop down in front of my laptop, I clap my hands and rub em together.  Guess what time it is?  It’s JERKIN’ TIME!!!

Here we go.  Myfriendshotmom dot com, milfaf, cougarsontheprowl…how many tabs?  ALL THE TABS!  How many windows?  ALL THE WINDOWS!

Foul-smelling smoke drifts up from my screen.  That’s how I know it’s good and ready. 

In a matter of seconds, sperm is flying through my condo, plastering the walls and regrouting the tiles.  After my eighth or ninth blast, I notice something weird—the women in my videos…they’re pregnant?  I start shutting windows as fast as I can, sweating buckets as I work the shaft and cradle the balls.  What the fuck IS this?  I didn’t put pregnancy in the goddamn search engi—

“HO HO HO!”  Satan materializes behind me.  “You think you can procrastinate on your writing and jerk off to milfs?  WITNESS THE FRUITS OF YOUR MILF-BORN INIQUITY!” 

Right as he vanishes, the women on screen start to give birth.  Man Child babies, all spawned from Man Child Prime (that would be me) begin shooting out of their burgeoning cooters.  My laptop tips over and starts fritzing with lightning.  Holy shit—their babies ARE CRAWLING OUT OF THE SCREEN!

They immediately spout poop and noxious-ass vomit.  Good God, is this what it’s like to deal with a miniature me?  One of them charges right at my balls, galloping on all fours and gnashing its teeth.  Right as it leaps at me and howls like a demon—RRRRRRRAAAHHH—I pivot sideways and slap it away, causing it to spin in the air and crash into a lamp. 

“This was your HOME!” I heft my sack and look in its eyes, struggling to hold back tears of disbelief.  “Why would you try to crush your own HOME???”

In response, it snarls and hisses.  There’s nothing there—just an overwhelming desire to defile and destroy.  Fuck it, no options left.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

I can feel it in my gut—a ghost-pepper burrito.  I scan the horde of mini-Kents, gritting my teeth and flexing my ass.  “You asked for it.  Here it comes, you mindless little fucks.”

BEEEEOOOORRRRRRRRR

If this were a contest between me and Gimli (when he’s blowing the big-ass horn at Helm’s Deep), he’d stop mid-blow, regard me with astonishment, and whisper, “By all that is holy upon Middle Earth.”  My death-fart expands into a baleful green mist.  Wherever it lands, paint peels and wood rots.  The effect on their flesh is just as horrific—mini-Kents flail and scream in agony.  The ones on the ceiling drop to the floor, writhing in pain and cursing up a storm.  The ones in the walls bust out and clutch their throats, gurgling and spitting as they try to catch their breath.  Pretty soon, they’re reduced to puddles of bubbling flesh. 

Christ.  I know that’s not indicative of everyone’s kids.  But when it comes to yours truly, a consummate man-child and award winning Man Whore…

Yeah.  It’s better to just stick to writing fiction. 

Has Satan given you a reminder that you need to quit jerking it and get back to writing?  Never fear!  Buy my books, tap their reality-bending powers, and destroy Satan’s spawn with a city-killing fart!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Give my books a read and a review!

DirtySciFiBuddha8 Comments

What the Ye Olden Cock is happening, all my fellow silver-haired fuck-machines who are capitalizing on the interest in distinguished old men but when you finally get with a woman you have to start explaining the old balls smell and the liver-spotted taint and the creepy white ear hair that makes you look like Doc Brown from Back to the Future (do they even remember that movie???) just fucked you in the earhole with full bushy pubes and left a goddamn fro hanging off the side of your head WHOOPS is that a Werther’s Original in the folds of your scrotum huh how in the Sam hill tarnation did THAT get in there—

And THAT, my friends, is why you gotta maintain that fine fucking balance!  Quit the nightclubbing and gen Z slang, keep the gray temples and business casual blazers!  And for the love of God, do not—DO NOT—offer your date a Werther’s Original!  Jesus fucking Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

Musings

DirtySciFiBuddha13 Comments

After physically doing what I can, I can still do more by priming my perception–by letting things be. This allows me to abide in an open and alert state of mind, without wearing myself down or narrowing my awareness.

Even if I can’t let my negativity go, then I let it be just as it is, without speaking or acting on it (which could easily get me in trouble), but fully feeling it. In my experience, that allows it to leave of its own accord, without strengthening its presence through my rationalization or denial, and seems to be the fastest and easiest way to allow it to move on.

Yet another weird ad for my novels

DirtySciFiBuddha1 Comment

“Yes, that’s it, Kent…”  Professor X’s furrowed brow gets extra furrowed as he intently oversees my mutant power training.  “Control it…CONTROL IT…”

“NYAARGH!”  My wiener slips away and boi-oi-oings around the Danger Room, smashing and cracking the walls and deck.  “God DAMMIT!”  I sink to my knees and hammer-fist the floor.  “Why have I been cursed with this upcurved girth monster?  WHY???”

Jean Grey places a hand on my shoulder.  “It’s okay, Kent.  We all had trouble controlling our gifts.”  She glances at my peen, clears her throat, and flushes bright red.  “Yours is…mmm…”  She closes her eyes and starts playing with her neck line.  “Mm mm MMM…”

“The fuck are you doing???”  Wolverine busts in and levels a finger at Jean.  “You said his cartoonishly big womb-hammer didn’t turn you on!  Jean, we talked about—”

“What are YOU doing???”  Cyclops busts in and levels a finger at Wolverine.  “Stop trying to fuck my wife!  She used to smell good—now she smells like a wad of wet rotten carpet!”

“Whose problem is that, bub?”  Wolverine turns around and unsheathes his claws—SHING.  “Back the fuck off or I’m gonna shish-kebab that clit you try to pass off as your cock!”

As Cyclops raises a hand to his visor, his lips quiver with rage.  Holy fuck—if I don’t do something, these two are gonna kill each other.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Control of my wiener—finally!  I sweep Cyclops off his feet with the glans, then snake it around his neck and choke him unconscious.  Wolverine leaps at the shaft, claws raised—hhrRAAAGHH—but I mushroom-stamp him thrice, whap-pap-papping him into a senseless daze.  Then I shloop my headskin onto his face and melt it off by secreting smeg from the folds.  He’d probably scream his ass off if he still had a working mouth and brain.

“I said God DAMN!”  Jean wipes off drool with the back of her wrist.  “Need to get me some a’ that sau-SEEJ!”  As she telekinetically flies us off, I start humming the X-men theme from the ’90s animated series.  Never thought it would herald a session of hole-widening pleasure, but don’t buy a gift horse when your dick’s getting sucked, or however that saying goes.  You know what I mean. 

Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!

😀

Have Cyclops and Wolverine erupted with small-dick energy and threatened your chances to hook up with Jean?  Never fear!  Buy my books, destroy them with your genitals, then seduce Jean into an ecstatic widening!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Give my books a read and a review!

DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

What the dick-smear is happening, all you vengeance-minded folk who see your boss’s unattended coffee cup so you give the rim a swipe of your spicy-musky nether-bits—SQWWEEEEEEEP—and restrain your giggles as your boss raises the mug to their lips, then gives you an evil-ass smile and says they’ve been cumming on your door handle and keyboard for the past five months you lift your hands up and stare in disbelief from one to the other, no no no NO your boss goes on to inform you that if your fingers could get pregnant, they’d be shacked up in a trailer home with a dozen kids apiece, telling their husband Cletus to get some damn milk and feed the damn gators—

And THAT, my friends, is why you’ve got the advantage when it comes to sperm-fighting!  You never know when you’ll go up against a jizz-slinging mastermind who just made your hands into swamp-trash baby mills!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

Musings

DirtySciFiBuddha14 Comments

In my experience, the stories we tell ourselves (about ourselves) are some of the most powerful spells we can cast on our behavior and perceived quality of life. That’s why I think it’s productive to look inward, and examine what I’d like to adopt as a narrative.