Tag: book-reviews
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
“Lorax! What’s wrong?” I hurry over to the spherical Seuss-being, right as he snorts coke off a petrified tree-stump. “Leave me alone!” he barks. “What the fuck do you know about speaking for the trees? I used to have free fucking reign of these motherfucking forests—now they’re filled with special ops larpers! Everywhere I look,…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
“Hey Kent.” Yoda floats over and claps me on the shoulder. “Good to see you as a fellow Force Ghost. How was the transition? Not too rough?” Obi Wan and Qui-Gon float up behind him. “Nope. It was damn near perfect. I was jerking it to myfriendshotmom dot com. Right before I bust, I see…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
“And so, Kent Wayne, on all 3,874,932 grammar violations, as well as the crime of peeing in the shower, we find you…GUILTY!” Predictably, the entire courtroom (also comprised of narrow-penised Grammar Nazis), erupts in raucous jeers and hurrahs. “We all pee in the shower!” I rage. “WE ALL DO IT!” The courtroom breaks out in…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Occasionally, I’ll spot an article that details “the hardest jobs in the world,” and break out in despairing maniacal laughter. I’m what passes for Kent Wayne’s brain—a literal hamster on a wheel that’ll live off cocaine if it ever becomes a viable option. You may be asking what’s so hard about my job. Run on…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
My phone lights up, split-screening the entire Joint Chiefs of Staff. Their four-star chairman barks, “Kent! Get Chuck Norris! We need him for a mission!” “Goddammit,” I grumble, slipping my dick back into my boxers. “Was just about to start watching myfriendshotmom dot com.” “You can bust a load after you’ve saved the world! Hell,…
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Yet another weird ad for my novels
Who would have thought I’d compete in the Great British Baking Show, much less get to motherfucking Bread Week??? The audition was tough as all get out, but I’ve been killing it since the season began. Unfortunately, my newest bake, an olive and garlic sourdough loaf, has just shit the bed inside the oven. Black…
Kent Wayne 