Tag: book-reviews
-
Give my books a read and a review!
What the old-cum is happening, all you once mighty meat-beaters who are flogging your saggy piece with the fury of a thousand exploding sons, but to no avail, it’s like trying to play pool with a greasy piece of string, finally, after the raw skin looks like the magma-webbed cracks of Mount fucking Doom, a…
-
Give my books a read and a review!
What the butt-cutt is happening, you overenthusiastic shavers who are getting ready for a date and just can’t get that ONE REMAINING hair on the nine o’ clock wrinkle, so you persist with furrowed brow and clenched teeth, scraping the razor over and over against your dirt star, oh shit you fucking misjudged the angle,…
-
Yet another weird ad for my novels
Captain Decker yells, “Direct all power into reverse thrusters!” Our pilots click away at their holo-displays, funneling every last ounce of our ship’s muscle into backing away from the hungry black hole. As we come to a screeching halt, Decker orders, “Do. Not. MOVE.” On the front-screen displays, our thrusters glow with lucent blue light,…
-
Tomorrow, Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl will be FREE on Kindle for five days, April 7-11!
Tomorrow, Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl will be FREE on Kindle, April 7-11! This is by far the zaniest of all my books! If you want to dip your toe in a comedy/horror/sci-fi/teen-genius tale with copious amounts of psychedelics and a 300 mph kiss hanging from the back of a mushroom-shaped mecha, then give it a…
-
Give my books a read and a review!
What the death-chair is happening, all you nasty fucks who keep burying your farts in the same porous chair, only to have your dear friend sit on it by accident, triggering an audible, “PUUUHHHhhhh…” from its cushion which is accompanied by a visible green mist that arises from the fabric, they immediately start coughing, black…
-
Yet another weird ad for my novels
Taylor Swift reclines on her lizard-skin sofa, holding a glass of whale-sperm wine. “You’re an award-winning Man Whore. To say I’m expecting a lot would be a massive understatement. Now get to Man Whore-ing, you sluttalicious he-trollop.” I clear my throat. “Um…ok. Put on your underbib so you don’t stain the couch.” I saunter toward…
-
Give my books a read and a review!
What the dickfire is happening, all you lazy-pubed trimmers who go for a run in the deep peaceful forest, you’re surrounded by chirping birds and wide-eyed critters who charm you with their cute little squeaks, suddenly smoke wafts up from the legs of your shorts, it’s coming from the friction of your skin against your…
-
Yet another weird ad for my novels
Grammar Nazi Prime grabs my shoulders. “I need…to enter…a VAGINA.” He bores into my eyes with a haunted gaze. “Um…why do you have to say it like that?” I delicately remove his hands from my shoulders. “We’ve been lifelong enemies, but now I come to you in a spirit of penitence—I will no longer hound…
-
Give my books a read and a review!
What the poop-hold is happening, all you hoity-toity folks who refuse to use the public bathroom and treat shitting in a toilet like an extreme fucking sport and keep your asshole clenched through sheer force of will, all the while chanting “You…shall not…PASS!” with gritted teeth and a trembling, sweat-coated face until your body gives…
-
Yet another weird ad for my novels
You may not know this, but Tolkien left out an important, history-changing kingdom in LOTR. How do I know? Because I was there… SOMEWHERE ON MIDDLE EARTH… A random squire comes running up to me. “Gondor calls for aid!” He thrusts a finger at my bedroom window, where the beacons of Gondor are burning off…
Kent Wayne 