Tag: book-reviews

Give my books a read and a review!

DirtySciFiBuddha6 Comments

What the death-taint is happening, all you nasty taint-neglecters who’ve built up a thriving civilization on your fleshy undercarriage (tiny beast-folk, grotesque hobgoblins, translucent humanoids and other wonders and horrors that boggle the mind and defy the imagination) only to run into that fuckfaced coworker who posts stuff on LinkedIn that sounds like a cross between a copy-pasted motivational speech, shitty haiku, and an emotionally stunted football coach who can’t speak in their own words so they mindlessly spout cliches and aphorisms that lack all context and survive sheerly on the dint of rhythmic appeal God what a waste of fucking oxygen the world would have entered a utopian age if his dad just shot him in a sock or his mother just swallowed him you can’t STAND this fuckhole so you wipe your taint-gunk all over his yuppie-fied face he immediately starts screaming and drops to his knees and yanks out a wakizashi so he can commit seppuku and end the fucking pain—

Whoa, whoa WHOA!  Yeah, we all hate those LinkedIn idiots who finds new ways to say, “You worked hard.  But I worked harder.”  THAT, however, doesn’t give you a right to melt his face off with your taint-spawned mini-civilization!  Goddamn!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

Give my books a read and a review!

DirtySciFiBuddha5 Comments

What the dicktographer is happening, all my fellow dick-pic-ers who obsess over the best angle to highlight the frenulum or shaft or maybe that big ol’ pee-hole that never functions like it’s supposed to and shotguns urine all over the place like some kind of hellish lawn sprinkler wait maybe you should hair-gel the pubes into some kind of Elvis-like pompadour or highlight the balls because even though they’re quite possibly the ugliest part of a human body you want to show they’re big enough to stimulate the clit when you’re hitting it from behind OOH how about a bowtie under the dickhead or maybe tattoo it like a space rocket you could go dozens of ways with this make it look like a banana or cucumber or one of those crazy-ass Xenomorph tongues—

Mother of FUCK, it ain’t no supermodel!  Put a ruler on the base—starting at the TOP, you cheaters, not at the edge of your goddamn asshole—a tape measure around the base, and show them you got what it takes to come through with some orgasms!  And no, you can NOT photoshop the numbers on the ruler! 

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

Yet another weird ad for my novels

DirtySciFiBuddha120 Comments

As I plop down in front of my laptop, I clap my hands and rub em together.  Guess what time it is?  It’s JERKIN’ TIME!!!

Here we go.  Myfriendshotmom dot com, milfaf, cougarsontheprowl…how many tabs?  ALL THE TABS!  How many windows?  ALL THE WINDOWS!

Foul-smelling smoke drifts up from my screen.  That’s how I know it’s good and ready. 

In a matter of seconds, sperm is flying through my condo, plastering the walls and regrouting the tiles.  After my eighth or ninth blast, I notice something weird—the women in my videos…they’re pregnant?  I start shutting windows as fast as I can, sweating buckets as I work the shaft and cradle the balls.  What the fuck IS this?  I didn’t put pregnancy in the goddamn search engi—

“HO HO HO!”  Satan materializes behind me.  “You think you can procrastinate on your writing and jerk off to milfs?  WITNESS THE FRUITS OF YOUR MILF-BORN INIQUITY!” 

Right as he vanishes, the women on screen start to give birth.  Man Child babies, all spawned from Man Child Prime (that would be me) begin shooting out of their burgeoning cooters.  My laptop tips over and starts fritzing with lightning.  Holy shit—their babies ARE CRAWLING OUT OF THE SCREEN!

They immediately spout poop and noxious-ass vomit.  Good God, is this what it’s like to deal with a miniature me?  One of them charges right at my balls, galloping on all fours and gnashing its teeth.  Right as it leaps at me and howls like a demon—RRRRRRRAAAHHH—I pivot sideways and slap it away, causing it to spin in the air and crash into a lamp. 

“This was your HOME!” I heft my sack and look in its eyes, struggling to hold back tears of disbelief.  “Why would you try to crush your own HOME???”

In response, it snarls and hisses.  There’s nothing there—just an overwhelming desire to defile and destroy.  Fuck it, no options left.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

I can feel it in my gut—a ghost-pepper burrito.  I scan the horde of mini-Kents, gritting my teeth and flexing my ass.  “You asked for it.  Here it comes, you mindless little fucks.”

BEEEEOOOORRRRRRRRR

If this were a contest between me and Gimli (when he’s blowing the big-ass horn at Helm’s Deep), he’d stop mid-blow, regard me with astonishment, and whisper, “By all that is holy upon Middle Earth.”  My death-fart expands into a baleful green mist.  Wherever it lands, paint peels and wood rots.  The effect on their flesh is just as horrific—mini-Kents flail and scream in agony.  The ones on the ceiling drop to the floor, writhing in pain and cursing up a storm.  The ones in the walls bust out and clutch their throats, gurgling and spitting as they try to catch their breath.  Pretty soon, they’re reduced to puddles of bubbling flesh. 

Christ.  I know that’s not indicative of everyone’s kids.  But when it comes to yours truly, a consummate man-child and award winning Man Whore…

Yeah.  It’s better to just stick to writing fiction. 

Has Satan given you a reminder that you need to quit jerking it and get back to writing?  Never fear!  Buy my books, tap their reality-bending powers, and destroy Satan’s spawn with a city-killing fart!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Give my books a read and a review!

DirtySciFiBuddha8 Comments

What the Ye Olden Cock is happening, all my fellow silver-haired fuck-machines who are capitalizing on the interest in distinguished old men but when you finally get with a woman you have to start explaining the old balls smell and the liver-spotted taint and the creepy white ear hair that makes you look like Doc Brown from Back to the Future (do they even remember that movie???) just fucked you in the earhole with full bushy pubes and left a goddamn fro hanging off the side of your head WHOOPS is that a Werther’s Original in the folds of your scrotum huh how in the Sam hill tarnation did THAT get in there—

And THAT, my friends, is why you gotta maintain that fine fucking balance!  Quit the nightclubbing and gen Z slang, keep the gray temples and business casual blazers!  And for the love of God, do not—DO NOT—offer your date a Werther’s Original!  Jesus fucking Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

Yet another weird ad for my novels

DirtySciFiBuddha1 Comment

“Yes, that’s it, Kent…”  Professor X’s furrowed brow gets extra furrowed as he intently oversees my mutant power training.  “Control it…CONTROL IT…”

“NYAARGH!”  My wiener slips away and boi-oi-oings around the Danger Room, smashing and cracking the walls and deck.  “God DAMMIT!”  I sink to my knees and hammer-fist the floor.  “Why have I been cursed with this upcurved girth monster?  WHY???”

Jean Grey places a hand on my shoulder.  “It’s okay, Kent.  We all had trouble controlling our gifts.”  She glances at my peen, clears her throat, and flushes bright red.  “Yours is…mmm…”  She closes her eyes and starts playing with her neck line.  “Mm mm MMM…”

“The fuck are you doing???”  Wolverine busts in and levels a finger at Jean.  “You said his cartoonishly big womb-hammer didn’t turn you on!  Jean, we talked about—”

“What are YOU doing???”  Cyclops busts in and levels a finger at Wolverine.  “Stop trying to fuck my wife!  She used to smell good—now she smells like a wad of wet rotten carpet!”

“Whose problem is that, bub?”  Wolverine turns around and unsheathes his claws—SHING.  “Back the fuck off or I’m gonna shish-kebab that clit you try to pass off as your cock!”

As Cyclops raises a hand to his visor, his lips quiver with rage.  Holy fuck—if I don’t do something, these two are gonna kill each other.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Control of my wiener—finally!  I sweep Cyclops off his feet with the glans, then snake it around his neck and choke him unconscious.  Wolverine leaps at the shaft, claws raised—hhrRAAAGHH—but I mushroom-stamp him thrice, whap-pap-papping him into a senseless daze.  Then I shloop my headskin onto his face and melt it off by secreting smeg from the folds.  He’d probably scream his ass off if he still had a working mouth and brain.

“I said God DAMN!”  Jean wipes off drool with the back of her wrist.  “Need to get me some a’ that sau-SEEJ!”  As she telekinetically flies us off, I start humming the X-men theme from the ’90s animated series.  Never thought it would herald a session of hole-widening pleasure, but don’t buy a gift horse when your dick’s getting sucked, or however that saying goes.  You know what I mean. 

Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!

😀

Have Cyclops and Wolverine erupted with small-dick energy and threatened your chances to hook up with Jean?  Never fear!  Buy my books, destroy them with your genitals, then seduce Jean into an ecstatic widening!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Give my books a read and a review!

DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

What the dick-smear is happening, all you vengeance-minded folk who see your boss’s unattended coffee cup so you give the rim a swipe of your spicy-musky nether-bits—SQWWEEEEEEEP—and restrain your giggles as your boss raises the mug to their lips, then gives you an evil-ass smile and says they’ve been cumming on your door handle and keyboard for the past five months you lift your hands up and stare in disbelief from one to the other, no no no NO your boss goes on to inform you that if your fingers could get pregnant, they’d be shacked up in a trailer home with a dozen kids apiece, telling their husband Cletus to get some damn milk and feed the damn gators—

And THAT, my friends, is why you’ve got the advantage when it comes to sperm-fighting!  You never know when you’ll go up against a jizz-slinging mastermind who just made your hands into swamp-trash baby mills!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

Yet another weird ad for my novels

DirtySciFiBuddha1 Comment

Grammar Nazi Prime races ahead of me.  “Victory is mine!”  He snatches Aladdin’s Lamp and gives me the finger.  “Now you will pay for besmirching grammar and diction!”

“Wait!”  I extend a hand.  “You don’t have to—” 

The lamp emits a blinding flash.

AFTER SPACE-TIME CALMS BACK DOWN…

What the…someone taped me to the back of a chair.  HRRHHH!  I strain as hard as I can, but the duct tape holds. 

CLOP.  CLOP.  CLOP.  Soccer moms filter into the warehouse, clopping their heels against the bare cement floor. 

“Thank God!” I gasp.  “I’ve serviced half of you as a grade-A Man Whore!  Cut this tape off and—”

“Shut it!”  One of them smacks me across the face, then knocks the wind out of me with a painful body hook. 

I turn to the side and hock up blood.  “Why…why did you…”

Grammar Nazi Prime steps into view and folds his hands behinds his back.  “It’s a different world, Kent.  Literally.  Allow me to demonstrate.”  He yanks my pants down to my ankles.

The soccer moms immediately erupt into laughter.  “Look at that cartoonishly humongous penis—who would want to get serviced by THAT?”

At first I think it’s a twisted joke.  Then it dawns on me.  ‘It’s a different world, Kent.  Literally.’

“That’s right.”  His lips spread wide in a bloodless grin.  “Big wieners are considered unattractive.”

“Aladdin’s lamp…”  My eyes widen in abject horror.  “You UNCONSCIONABLE FUCK!”

He grips me by the neck.  “Do you know what it’s like…”  He bares his teeth in a murderous snarl.  “To have to jerk off with a pair of special grippy tweezers?  To be jealous of a winter-shrunken GODDAMN HAMSTER’S TAIL???”

I can’t help but snort with laughter.  “Hamster tail?  Bro, I figured it would at least be equal to a goddamn gerbil’s but—”

“ENOUGH!”  He raises a chainsaw and starts the motor.  RRMM RRMM RRRMMMM!!!  “THIS ENDS NOW!”

Holy FUCK.  Never, EVER piss off a small-wienered Grammar Nazi!  No options left.  So I put every ounce of muscle into breaking free of the tape—skkRIIP!—then reach in my pocket and open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

My wiener grows to T-Rex proportions, eclipsing Grammar Nazi Prime’s face with its helmet-headed shadow. 

He looks up and whispers, “Mother of G—”

That’s all he manages before it rockets down, mashing him into the concrete floor.  Simultaneously, the soccer moms snap out of it and swarm my frenulum, peppering it with fervent hugs and kisses. 

Ain’t nothin’ better than a passionate frenulum-hug—Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!  😀

Have hamster-penised malcontents turned the world upside down, and brainwashed the populace into hating your genitals?  Never fear!  Buy my books, grow a tyranno-peen, and mash them into the goddamn dirt! 

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Give my books a read and a review!

DirtySciFiBuddha6 Comments

What the pissing contest is happening, all you urinary warriors who find yourself facing off against your penile archnemesis at the most primal of arenas (side-by-side urinals), it’s off to the races, you start with a moderate stream, he matches it, you increase 10 PSI, he matches it, 10 more PSI, he matches it, sweat beads off your brow, your eyes crinkle with focus, slowly but surely you turn your head and lock eyes with your foe, good God your forceful piss sounds like a cross between a typhoon and a tsunami, suddenly “Duel of the Fates” starts playing from the first shitty prequel and you’re swinging your dick like a goddamn lightsaber, you can’t help but make lightsaber noises with your mouth as both of you try to whack each other—BZZRT, SSST, FSHHHHH—you can’t let him win, you need to defend the honor of your precious phallus—

What in the FUCK?  Put your cock down, and take up a hobby like chess or gardening!  Jesus fucking Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

Yet another weird ad for my novels

DirtySciFiBuddha82 Comments

KCHOOM.  I rocket out of Kent’s wiener toward my long-awaited destiny.  I’m Kent21909348, one of billions of sperm in his Spermatazoic Marine Corps.  Pretty soon, I’m gonna make it to the egg and fulfill my calling.  My raison d’être is to become a fully formed human, and while I love my brother sperm, I’ll be damned if I let any of them get in my way. 

A few seconds in, I sense something’s off.  Everything around us is moist and soft, but it’s different from what the briefings described.  I can’t put my finger on it…

Suddenly, another sperm shouts, “We’re in a mouth—he shot us into a FUCKING MOUTH!”

In the blink of an eye, millions of sperm go from sprinting forward, to wriggling as hard as they can in the other direction.  Holy shit—there’s the uvula, looming over us like some evil fucking punching bag. 

I’m already tired from my initial sprint.  Now I’m fighting for my fucking survival.  Exhaustion metastasizes throughout my body, weighing me down with soul-killing fatigue. 

“SWIM HARDER!” a fellow sperm shouts.  “SHE’S GOING TO SWALL—”

GALUMPH.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

Ten million sperm go down the hatch.  I fight back tears as their dying screams echo off the gums.  A Spermatazoic Marine meets my eyes, then shakes his head in a gesture of utter defeat.  I can’t believe it—it’s First Sergeant Kent93875604, one of the hardest sons of bitches to ever spawn from a testicle.  If he’s given up, we are well and truly fucked.

“I’m sorry, Kent21909348, I can’t keep going.  I—”

GALUMPH.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

He just disappeared into the goddamn void.  As I glance around, I’m struck by dread—there’s only a hundred of us left.  Even if we make it out through the teeth, there’s no way in hell we’ll make it back to the balls.

Fuck it.  No options left.  I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

I’m teleported out of the hellish mouth-hole—now I’m rocketing through the air with a billion other sperm.  A split-second in, Kent yells, “No, don’t point it at my FACE—” and then a lady screams, “I’m sorry!  My hand cramped up and—”

We deluge Kent with its own damn Nasties.  Rope after rope of smelly goo lands right in his eye, splashing into his mouth and blasting up through his nose. 

“ACK!  THBBT!  SWEET FUCKING JESUS!”

As he flails and thrashes, ineffable joy rises up from within—we’re giving this dickhead a taste of his own medicine.  Fuck you, Kent.  You deserve this for killing us by the literal billions, sending wave after wave of us into mouths and buttholes, wads of tissues and unwashed socks.  I hope you burn, motherfucker.  I hope you—

…

…….

…………………………….

Are you a grunt in the Spermatazoic Marine Corps, convinced you have a ghost of a chance to become a fully formed human, but then your traitorous master shoots you into an irrelevant orifice?  Never fear!  Buy my books, tap into their reality-distorting powers, and deluge your host-body with his own nasty fluids!

Get A Door into Evermoor on kindle here: A Door into Evermoor. Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1 

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Give my books a read and a review!

DirtySciFiBuddha7 Comments

What the jerk-a-thon is happening, all you dickbeaters who’ve shot load after load and drained yourself down to the last remaining iota of life force, you now resemble that old lady from Titanic who goes “It’s been 84 years” but you keep whacking and shooting until your wiener looks like the beef jerky version of Clint Eastwood’s face, Gollum sprints in your room, points at your mug, and shrieks in terror because you could double as a mummified crackhead dear God in heaven what HAVE YOU DONE—

And THAT, my friends, is why you glop on the lube while yer floggin’ yer hog!  Otherwise, that thing’ll end up looking like a sundried tomato!  Jesus fucking Christ!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  Paperback here: A Door into Evermoor, paperback.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀