Wise teacher say “You must desire Enlightenment as the drowning man desires air.”
Wise Buddha-Bro say: “You must desire Enlightenment enough to climb Dick Mountain. Mouth first.”
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It has been said that the Buddha-Bro’s penis is so big that it can almost fill Justin Bieber’s entire pussy.
That’s fucking enormous.
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Spirituality doesn’t need to be stuffy or sappy. It doesn’t require listening to Yanni for hours at a time. Plain spoken and filled with nasty humor, this book is for spiritual seekers sick of pretentiousness. If your dream is to grow huge bushels of armpit hair and dreamily float through life unbathed and adorned with crystals, this book is not for you.
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Examine a spiritual master’s teachings and a spiritual aspirant will find great irony:
Masters only describe tools that aspirants may use to teach themselves.
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Consistent discipline consistently illustrates these two truths:
1. Being swayed and influenced by cravings is inevitable.
2. Being imprisoned by them is not.
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Wise Buddha-Bro say: “When referring to the anus, The word ‘butthole’ is so crass.
I prefer the phrase: ‘The Better Vagina.'”
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We see a star exploding 1 light year away; we know it exploded a year ago. Light/sound/smell/taste/touch aren’t instantly perceived. Physical senses take time to process and are easily distorted. They only show us the past, or nonexistent illusions.
To truly perceive the present moment, use senses that are beyond the physical.
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Circled around the dim glow of lonely campfires, Cimmerian warriors speak of Buddha-Bro’s penis in hushed and reverential tones, naming it “Atrocitus.”
They say it is so magical that it fixed Quasimodo’s back by fucking him in the ass.
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Irony: “Events seemingly contrary to expectations. Often amusing as a result.” Using irony to seem clever or cool is done by annoying hipsters. Using irony to show greater truth, that life amusingly doesn’t end up as expected, is done by good writers.
To understand good writing, understand irony. To understand how existence is authored, understand irony.
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Legend has it that there is no place to sit in the Buddha-Bro’s house. If the Buddha-Bro needs a chair, he will simply sit on his own gigantic balls.
Goddamn things are bigger than elephant fists.
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Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha 