Check out my sci-fi series: Echo!

Echo is where I started my writing journey. The series has four books, and is filled with musings on society and existence, along with big doses of violence (especially in book 2) as well as psychic stuff and existential philosophy (book 3 and 4). You can see me get a firmer grip on dialogue, description, action, perspective, and symbolism as you progress through the series. #WritingCommunity #BookTok

Here’s the link: Echo.

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀    

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜   #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited #WritingCommunity

Yet another weird ad for my novels

From atop the stage, Martha Stewart clears her throat.  “A-heh-heh-HEM!  The audition will commence in thirty seconds!”

Everyone quiets down.

I don’t have a chance—I know that.  The Man Whores in this room are the finest in the world, comprised of good-looking studs that would blow Ryan Gosling and Michael B Jordan out of the water.  I’m a handsome fuck-machine, but not the kind of handsome that makes women stop what they’re doing and ask for my number; more like the handsome that earns smiles and hair-flips, nagging at ladies’ brains and making surreptitious entries into their spank-banks (probably should call ’em flick-banks, but whatever). 

Nevertheless, I’ve got an exclusive invite, so here I am.  The hors d oeuvres alone make this worth it.  I’m fine with not being picked (when Martha prompts me to showcase my talents with a raised eyebrow, I casually pass with a shake of my head) but that’s all right, because being invited is an honor in and of itself.

“Well, now that you’ve shown me your stuff, it’s time to decide!” Martha declares.  “And I choose—”

Suddenly, my wiener bursts from my pants, snaking through the air like the smoke monster from Lost.  “ONE SIDE!” it yells.  “OUTTA MY WAY!”  It stops before Martha, who covers her mouth and beams in delight. 

“Uh…my face is over here.”  I point at my mug.

She completely ignores me.  “We have a winner!” she breathes excitedly.

SIX MONTHS LATER…

If this were a movie, you’d have to endure a nauseating montage of cutesy couples activities like eating the same strand of spaghetti, wearing nifty matching clothes such as beanies and overalls, as well as the time honored tradition of zany photo booth antics, all while “Build Me Up Buttercup” is playing in the background.  Martha and my Wiener have become a single-name duo, like Bennifer or Kimye.  The worst part is they don’t even fuck.  While Martha’s sleeping, Wiener irritably explains they’re both virgins, and they’ve decided to save themselves until after the wedding.

“You’re a PENIS!” I rage.  “You don’t get married—HUMANS get married!!!” 

Wiener sniffs haughtily.  “Jealous, much?”

I cover my eyes with a thumb and a forefinger.  “Could you at least have sex?  You can hear my semen sloshing around—listen!”  I juggle my nuts.  They sound like a half-drunk two-liter being shaken by a strongman.

Wiener slaps me twice—wh’pap-PAP—in a forestroke/backstroke.  “Don’t overstep,” he hisses. 

I try and grab him by the head, but he crunches down and sprains my wrist.  As I clutch my hand and stifle a yelp, he rears back, looks me in the eye, and says, “Look at me.”  I bite my lip and hold back tears—this evil fuck MANGLED MY WRIST.  Once again, he demands, “Look at me, Kent.”

I raise my chin and meet his gaze.  He scans my watery eyes, making good and damn sure he has my attention. 

“I’m the captain now.” 

Then he curls into a spiral and goes back to sleep.

Fuck.  THIS.  I’m fine with Wiener taking the lead, but not if he’s refusing the chance to get laid!  Church-going virgin, my hairy fucking ass!  I know where he’s been—vajeens and asshole from all the world over have had the pleasure of accommodating his girth!  Where the FUCK does he get off pretending he’s an innocent sheltered preppie from the nineteen goddamn eighties???

So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Stephen Seagal materializes in the bedroom, wearing nothing but an animal print speedo.  His extra hairy belly makes it look like his torso has been enveloped by a giant mutant spider.

“Someone call for me?”  He looks at Wiener, who stirs in his coil.  “Oh—runaway phallus.  I’ve got just the thing.”  He reaches in his neckbeard, produces a glob of Awful McNasties, then digs in his pubes for a putrid handful of old-balls smegma.  He smears the disgusting mixture across Wiener’s glans, scores the air with a series of ninja gestures, then dives out the window and runs off into the night.

Wiener bolts up in bed, expelling a series of hyena-like screeches.  As smoke pours off his melting skin, Martha looks on in horror.

“What the—what did you DO???”

“Steven Seagal smegma.”  I twiddle my fingers and give her a Please-Don’t-Hurt-Me smile.  “Sorry, but he was getting out of line and—”

“MONSTER!”  She starts throwing stuff at me.  “Get out, you hear me???  GET OUT!  I HATE YOU!!!”

I cover my face as Wiener retracts into my torso.  “He’s gonna come back!” I protest.  “Just not right away!  Ow!”  A book hits me in the face.

Martha considers, then grudgingly says, “Give me a call once he recovers.  I don’t give a flying fuck about your face or your body—gimme some a’ that grade A MEAT!”

I open my mouth to protest, then shut it just as quick.  I can’t blame her—he’s pretty glorious.  Nevertheless, he needs to know his goddamn place. 

As I leave Martha’s compound, I stare down at my crotch and mutter, “I’m the captain now.  Bitch.”

Need to lay the smackdown on your mutinous genitals, and put them in their goddamn place?  Never fear!  Buy my books and show ’em who’s boss! Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #WritingCommunity

Check out my high school absurdical, Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! (Yes, I know “absurdical” is a made up word)

Idiot demon-jocks, tons of profanity, copious psychedelics, and an airborne kiss at 300 mph, hanging from the back of a mushroom-shaped mecha!  All this and more in my comedy/horror/sci-fi absurdical, Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl!  #WritingCommunity

Check it out here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited 

Give my books a read and a review!

What the slurp-n-gag is happening, my fellow oral enthusiasts who’re giving a 110% between your partner’s thighs, to the point where it sounds like there’s a rabid alien feeding on its eviscerated victim with some kind of grotesquely moist, proboscis-like mechanism, but unbeknownst to you your neighbors have called emergency services, causing SWAT and the fire department to bust in your door, followed by the Ghostbusters who pull up to the curb flashing their sirens—REE-ooo-REE-ooo—everyone and their mother is filtering into your bedroom, taking pictures and expressing amazement and surprise as they openly judge your sexual gobble-gobble, you cover your face and groan like Frankenstein’s monster DON’T LOOK AT MEEE—

Fuck those pricks and get back to gobbling,!  There’s never an excuse to hold back on oral—if we all got the HLKHLHLK OMNOMNOMs we deserved, then it’d bring about a goddamn Star Trek utopia!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy:  A Door into Evermoor.  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #WritingCommunity

🙂 🙂 😀


Check out my sci-fi series: Echo!

Echo is where I started my writing journey. The series has four books, and is filled with musings on society and existence, along with big doses of violence (especially in book 2) as well as psychic stuff and existential philosophy (book 3 and 4). You can see me get a firmer grip on dialogue, description, action, perspective, and symbolism as you progress through the series. #WritingCommunity

Here’s the link: Echo.

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀    

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜   #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited #WritingCommunity

Musings

You deserve to be your brightest, happiest self. If friends/family can’t handle that, it isn’t your problem. Hopefully, they’ll come around, but if they don’t, I believe it’s a moot point; I believe we eventually return to a greater benevolence, rendering all that we do into a no-lose game.

Outwardly, you may have to do this or that, say this or that, but there isn’t any reason to sacrifice your inward happiness to satisfy another—that works against the purpose of the game.

Check out my first YA Fantasy book: A Door into Evermoor!

Check out my first venture into YA fantasy!  Jon’s a regular Earth kid who wants something more.  After he stumbles through an interdimensional portal, his wishes are granted in spectacular fashion!  During his journey, he encounters a Wolven King and an Elerican Witch, the last Wayfarer, and a half-Elf Princess!  All this and more in A Door into Evermoor! #WritingCommunity

Check it out here: A Door into Evermoor.

Get A Door into Evermoor here:  A Door into Evermoor  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1   Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!🙂 🙂 😀

Yet another weird ad for my novels

Fuckity fuck fuck FUCK!  I slalom wildly and slam on the brakes, praying I won’t fly off the oncoming cliff.

After infiltrating Grammar Nazi Prime’s laser-webbed compound, evading an army of his red-ink fanatics, then fighting hand to hand with him on top of a speeding train, we both jumped into the lake below, where we continued our struggle inside a speedboat, crash-landed onto shore, and engaged in a chaotic car chase across the highway.  Now, after a wild blur of punches and throws, crashes, swipes, and hairpin turns, I’m about to—

SKREEEE!

My car screeches to a halt, hanging halfway off the hundred foot bluff.  I throw myself back as hard as I can, tensing in a last ditch effort to lighten the front.  The vehicle rocks back and forth, deceptively gentle…then balances on its undercarriage in a forward lean.  The back wheels idle in the air, while the hood dangles over the yawning chasm.

Holy.  FUCK.

Deep breaths, Kent.  Inch to the middle, slide to the back….slowly, slowly…easy does it…bit by bit, the car settles onto the ground. 

WHEW.

Okay, now try the doors.  Dammit—they’re both glued shut.  Must have fucked them up when I was banging off cars, houses, and barriers.  No worries—I’ll kick out a window.  Gotta be careful, because—

“Well well well.”  Grammar Nazi Prime sidles up to the glass.  “Ironic—your instrument of flight has become your prison.”  He examines his nails.  “This can’t be what you expected when you stole this car.”

“Eat smegma,” I snarl, throwing a kick at the window.  THUMP.  “Either push me off the ledge, or get ready for a whooping.  ’Cause it won’t be long before I break this glass.”  THUMP.

“How about neither?”  He produces his phone and taps the display.  “You’re going to tip this car all by yourself.”

“What are you talking about?” I demand.  “Why would I—”  Suddenly, my eyes widen in horror.  “FUCKER!”

Clips from MyFriendsHotMom dot com start playing on his phone, sending blood rushing into my ginormous wiener.  It lurches, shudders, then punches through my pants and uppercuts me in the jaw.  As penis-flesh ripples into the driver and passenger seats, it unbalances the car and makes it rise off its wheels, tipping steadily forward until—”

“FUUUUUUUUUCK!”

I scream myself hoarse as I plummet over the side of the cliff.  That fucker had me pegged—he knew exactly how to kill me with my own massive boner!  Unless I pull a hail fucking mary, I’m gonna die ugly as fuck, in a mess of twisted steel and smelly cock.

So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

BRRZT!  I teleport outside, a dozen yards up from the busted trunk.  I’m falling fast, but now I’m slightly better off than a snowball in hell.  Why?  Because I can see GNP peering over the side, laughing at my impending doom.  Need to grab my wiener, twist in the air, and—

Whup-whup-FWOOP!

—snag him around his fuckstick neck.  Gotcha, shitguzzle!

As he clutches at my cock and struggles for breath, I walk hand over hand up the side of the cliff, winding my penile slack around my waist.  Pretty soon, I’m standing behind him, transitioning my wiener from a climbing rope into a garrote.

“You ever thought it would end like this, you evil piece of cumstained fuckgobble?” I hiss. 

His response is an unintelligible gurgle.  By his overpressured face (his skin is beet red, and his eyes are even redder due to the burst capillaries) it looks like he’s about to bite the bullet. 

Time to administer the coup de grace. 

I close my eyes and focus on my favorite porns:  MilfHunter, FoxFuckFive, YourMomDoesAnal…I can feel blood rushing into my dick, tightening down on GNP’s throat.  He tries to speak—“KKKKK”—but that’s all he gets out before—

POP!

His head flies off and his body spasms, ejecting pulsing gouts of arterial blood.  Trynna ambush me and fuck me with my milf-loving wiener???  Nah, pal, fuck YOU!

Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!

😀

Has a pedantic fuckhole planned out your murder and tried to make it look like suicide by genitals?  Never fear!  Buy my books, turn the tables, and decapitate their ass with the best fatality ever! Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #WritingCommuni

Check out my high school absurdical, Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! (Yes, I know “absurdical” is a made up word)

Idiot demon-jocks, tons of profanity, copious psychedelics, and an airborne kiss at 300 mph, hanging from the back of a mushroom-shaped mecha!  All this and more in my comedy/horror/sci-fi absurdical, Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl!  #WritingCommunity

Check it out here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited