It’s Free Sample Friday!!!

LerYoobenFozz BerSnonkenGibbers, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization.

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

“What do you think, McGruff?  This wasn’t one of us.”

My gray-tailed partner sticks his paws in his trench coat and eyes the pile of turds with undisguised suspicion.  “No it wasn’t, Labrador Wayne,” he growls.  “We Big Dogs are well trained.  We follow the Code.  This was someone else.  Someone with no morals or respect for society.”

“Cats?”  I examine the steaming feces lying on the grass.  Hot vapor curls around it like fresh gunsmoke.  “Would they be so bold?”

“They’d be fools to break the truce.”  McGruff raises his snout and scans the wind.  “It’s possible…but still, I doubt it.”

“Who else could—”

A voice from behind a bush screams, “BIG DOGS!  YOUR END IS NIGH!”  Chihuahuas pour from every possible nook and cranny:  rocks, fences, trees, cars…

“NOT-DOGS!” McGruff shouts.  “PREPARE YOURSELF, KENT!”

“RAAAHHH!!!”  I snarl furiously as a horde of Not-Dogs swamp us both.  I beat the shit out of them with my paws and my teeth, but there’s…

so…

many…

…..

Until I reach into my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

“BIG DOGS ETERNUS!”  A magic portal forms in the air.  Labradors, Retrievers, Pitties, Ridgebacks…they all come pouring from the interdimensional rip; butts wagging, tongues flopping.  They run rampant through the Not-Dogs, ragdolling their stoopid little asses as if they were under-equipped skirmishers routed by an overwhelming force of armored cavalry.  Me and McGruff join the fray, barking up a storm and loving the hell out of it.

Down with the Not-Dogs!  Labrador Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Have the cursed Not-Dogs banded together in your beloved neighborhood?  Fuck those fish-eyed creeps!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

It’s Free Sample Friday!!!

MerGlobberSnobben YerDoobenYank, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization.

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

THE NOT-SPACE:  A REALM WHERE UP IS DOWN, BLACK IS WHITE.  HERE, IN THE REACHES OF FORMLESS ANTI-NESS, DISCARDED BEINGS WANDER FOREVER, DOOMED TO AN ETERNITY OF MEANINGLESS VOID.

HOW I—KENT WAYNE, SCI FI AUTHOR AND PERENNIAL MAN WHORE—HAVE ARRIVED IN NOT-SPACE IS A SHORT AND PREDICTABLE STORY…

 

Oh no!  I made sex with a witch and she cast a spell on me as she stuck a finger in my bung!  (Exit only, I said, yet the feisty lass decided to feist it up an extra notch!  Damn her feistiness!)  Her stink-fingered enchantment sent me spiraling into the blackest depths of phyrexian lack.  I see Ben Stein, Carrot Top, indie art films…

FUCK!

Financial analysts and political pundits drift by, sadly jerking their gray-fleshed wieners or flicking their under-serviced beans.  “This is where we go to die,” one of them informs me, his hand working like a mindless, half-speed piston.  “Prepare to experience infinite nihilism.”

“NO!” I shout.  “This can’t happen!  I’ve got books to write, soccer moms to boff!  The world NEEDS me, dammit!”

He shrugs.  “Suit yourself.  You’ll only make it worse.”  Then he turns and drifts away.

My vision goes blurry.  I can feel the doom-fugue perverting my mind, filling me with the gray of a 40-year desk job, empty promises of corner offices, two-week vacations where I’m forced to have scheduled fun before returning to a corporate wasteland…

“NYAAAAHHH!!”  I flex my will and reach deep into my soul.  The epic sci-fi series Echo blazes through my mind, distorting reality with its acausal energies.  Magic flash.

SKERDOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I go rocketing up the Disembodied Realms, propelled by a blast of psychic thrust.  Gehenna, Chinvat, Alfheim…

Ker-THUMP!

And here I am, back in my Earthling body!  Huzzah!  Time to get bizzy with the writing!  But FIRST…

Gotta check out MyFriendsHotMom dot com!  HEH heh heh!

😀

 

 

Have you been cast into an absolute dearth of meaning and purpose?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

It’s Free Sample Friday!!!

DerStobberBoggen GerDoobenFuss, IT’S FREE SAMPLE FRIDAY!!!  Check out barbarian warriors, teen geniuses, and teen queens here:  Kor’Thank, and angry cyborg-shooter-soldier fellas here:  Echo.  My podcast, Strained Brains, is available here:  Strained Brains

Happy Friday y’all!  🙂 🙂 😀

Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization.

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

SOMEWHERE IN THE EXOSPHERE, WITHIN A HIGH-FLYING CRAFT THAT WOULD BLOW OUR FUCKING MINDS…

[It is time.] I telepathically project to my world-conquering brethren.  [We Annunaki have stood by for eons, watching our future homeworld swell and ripen.  Today we will swarm those unevolved simians, and feast on their psyches with utter abandon!  Hail Ecthidi!]

[HAIL ECTHIDI!!!]

 

 

THOUSANDS OF MILES BELOW, IN THE SPERM-COATED CONFINES OF KENT WAYNE’S STUDIO…

Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum…

SkerDoo!

Yet another beautiful day in sunny San Francisco!  Time for me (sci fi author and perennial Man Whore, if ya haven’t heard) to get going!  But first…I wonder if they’ve posted any new scenes on MyFriendsHotMom dot com…

My eyes slide toward my laptop.

NO!  Got stuff to do!  First things first—tie my knee-length womb-hammer around my thigh, so it doesn’t scare anyone into a sudden heart attack, or turn any soccer moms into cock-fixated sex-zombies.  (Gotta admit—that one has its upsides).  Slip on my shoes, step outside, and—

MEGAN FOX’S MAMMS!  WHAT IS GOING ON?!?

Alien saucers are swooping down on screaming San Franciscans.  Helmet-tipped tendrils extend from the bottom of the craft, one helmet for each person.  Whenever a human is within a foot of the headgear, it begins glowing and vibrating.  The unfortunate soul beneath it freezes in place, then spasms and jerks as if he or she was being tased.  Blue-green mist streams up from their domes into the helmets, then they turn gray and abruptly collapse.

Holy Scheisse!  They’re stealing peoples’ souls!  Don’t ask me how I know, I just do!

And then it hits me—I can save them.  I have a weapon that can create and destroy universes, never mind a fleet of techno-superior, alien fuckholes.

So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Suddenly, my Playlist of Shame trumpets through the air.  All the pansy-ass songs that I habitually listen to while I’m jacking steel (due to the number of plates and my manly grunts, nearby bros think I’m listening to Metallica or hardcore gangsta rap, but oh how wrong they be)  T Swift, Mandy Moore, Christina, Mariah, and (dare I say it?  Hanson?  *cringey, please-don’t-hit-me smile*) blasts through the skies, hitting the unsuspecting aliens with the worst music to ever emerge from a human suckhole.  Even the Earthlings—who’ve been inoculated against my playlist’s evil through prior exposure to top 40s bullshit—screech in pain.  Blood bursts from their noses and mouths.

But for the aliens, the sonic assault is nothing short of catastrophic.  Their saucers fill with gallons of vomit and mountains of shit.  The craft veer erratically.  Soon, they all retreat in utter defeat, laid low by my disgusting taste in music.  Earth is saved!  Huzzah!

Then one of the people I’ve just saved looks angrily around.  “What the FUCK were we just listening to???”

Uh-oh.  Time to beat feet and embrace my new existence:  that of Kent Wayne, Musical Fugitive!

HEH heh heh!  OH HO HO!  HEE hee hee!

😀

 

 

Has your homeworld been targeted by spacefaring dickholes?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

Oh no!  Unbeknownst to me, I’ve been part of a cult for several years!  It all started when I walked into Spiritual Sal’s:  a shady little setup in a dingy strip mall.  He roped me in with promises of Enlightenment and extra large, pepperoni n’ olives pizza.  While I was maowing down on some delicious cheesy slices, Sal promised us “da muddafuckin’ time of ya muddafuckin’ life.”  I thought nothing of it until our latest meeting, where he demanded I sign over my assets as well as my gigantic, pendulous nuts.  I tried to slink out as rabid newcomers chopped off their bro-varies, but Sal spotted me and ordered his minions to relieve me of my spunk-bunker.

“NO!” I scream, hurdling over a table before six of his guys bring me to the ground.  “YOU CAN’T HAVE THEM!  SOCCER MOMS LOVE IT WHEN I PULL THEM OUT AND PRETEND I GOT GUM ON MY PANTS!  I ALSO LOVE PULLING THE SACK OVER MY MEAT AND MAKING IT LOOK LIKE A RIBBITING BULLFROG!”

No dice.  One of them produces a gleaming knife.

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Hot-ass Soccer Co-Mom-dos flood the room, toting the latest assortment of tacti-cool gear.  They push the cult back with double taps and throat-chops.  Two of them escort me out the door, firing and maneuvering in seamless tandem with their badass teammates.

“GET YOUR GORGEOUS DICK IN OUR DOUBLE-PARKED SUV!” One of them yells in my ear.  “YOU’RE OURS NOW, MAN WHORE!”

I run out the door and do as they say, a mile-wide grin plastered across my face.  HEH heh heh!

😀

 

 

Have you been suckered into a toxic organization that wants to deprive you of your hairy necessaries?  Never fear!  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜