Give my books a read and a review!

DirtySciFiBuddha1 Comment

What the piss-sicle is happening, all you intrepid rock climbers who’ve angered a bunch of 80s movie villains by urinating off the side of a cliff and harrying them with shards of frozen pee and then seal the deal by inadvertently witnessing them spill giant bags of coke from their rucks, one of them shrieks in an angry mix of Eurotrash and English, whips out a rocket launcher and points it in your direction, you counter by jerking off quickly and encasing him in a prison of frozen cum, but since the vibe is from an eighties movie he explodes into a fiery mushroom cloud a few seconds later, the rocket streaks from the launcher and blows up behind you it sends you flying while triggering a devastating avalanche, you pull a fishing line and hook out of your bugout survival pouch and fling it at a nearby helicopter which just so happens to be puttering by, it wraps around the skid and you let loose with a slo-mo flame-jump-scream right as the mountain erupts in a series of gratuitously spectacular fireballs RUAAAAAHHHH—

Goddamn, haven’t you learned from all those eighties action movies???  You never, EVER pee on the evil-handsome dude who happens to be rocking an unnecessary pony tail!  Jesus!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

Check out my sci-fi series: Echo!

DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

Echo is where I started my writing journey. The series has four books, and is filled with musings on society and existence, along with big doses of violence (especially in book 2) as well as psychic stuff and existential philosophy (book 3 and 4). You can see me get a firmer grip on dialogue, description, action, perspective, and symbolism as you progress through the series. #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Here’s the link: Echo.

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀    

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜   #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited #WritingCommunity

Musings

DirtySciFiBuddha11 Comments

I used to think I had to nag and berate myself in order to perform, but then I observed folks who were great performers and positive-minded. I realized I’d rather aim for that, then be upheld as a tortured example of outward excellence–internally stuck in discontent, insecurity, and the constant temptation to put others down (because of a scarcity-minded view that asserts people can’t simultaneously be positive and productive, and that I’m serving a greater good by dragging them into negativity so they’ll work harder to avoid it). I’ll leave that up to them, if they want to adopt that view and that path. I’ve come to believe that at the base of life, there’s a more pleasant premise.

Weapons of Old, Volume 2 of the Unbound Realm, is the second installment in my YA fantasy series

DirtySciFiBuddha5 Comments

Weapons of Old has pushed my writing abilities to their limits.  It’s got fantasy-world pirates, creepy dungeon crawls, magic swords, nine-headed whips, dryads, giant battles, epic speeches, golems, existential philosophy, and a whole lot more!  I sincerely hope you enjoy my newest effort!

 #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Check it out here:  Weapons of Old

Get A Door into Evermoor here:  A Door into Evermoor  Get Weapons of Old here:  Weapons of Old  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1   Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!🙂 🙂 😀

Yet another weird ad for my novels

DirtySciFiBuddha9 Comments

I know I should write, but there’s a bunch of new clips on myfriendshotmom dot com!  Yep, you guessed it—time to man-handle the ham candle!

Big squirt o’ lube and it’s off to the races.  To help with the vibe, I hum the Star Wars Battle Theme whilst burping the worm (It’s also a fun tune when you’re squeezing past carts at the local grocery store, or airplane-ing a treat around before giving it to your dog).  A couple minutes in, I realize something’s horribly wrong.  This isn’t lube, what the…

GORILLA GLUE???

My screen lights up with a jawline-devoid face.  His thin-lipped mouth stretches into a smile.  “Hello, Kent.  I see that adhesive has made its way into your lubricant.”

“Grammar Nazi Prime!” I fume.  “You won’t get away with this!”

“You defile literature with atrocious syntax, disgusting adverbs and supposed ‘creative’ punctuation.”  Below his severely receded hairline, his pasty-white forehead crinkles with rage.  “To add insult to injury, you’re extremely well-endowed and attractively muscular.  No one gets it all—writers are meant to look like George R.R. Martin!”

“Gatekeeping fuckgobble!” I scream.  “Martin triggered a wave of incest porn—he deserves a hell of a lot worse than his resemblance to a cranky Hobbit wizard!  Also, I can’t help it if my dick is girthy and deliciously curved, while also being blessed with the perfect amount of eye-pleasing melanin!  I bet yours resembles an evil baby mole-rat that burrows into people’s skulls so it can feed off the nutrients in their unguarded brai—”

“Shut up shut up SHUT UP!” GNP roars.  He jumps out of his chair and runs off screen.  For the next few seconds, I hear him striking a punching bag and howling, “Hate you hate you HATE YOU!”  Then he plops into frame, slightly disheveled and breathing noticeably heavy.  “Now is the winter of my discontent.  I’ve exposed you to a series of subliminal QR codes.  You can shut off your computer, but the milf-porn will keep playing inside your mind.  Due to your brutish need for release, your hand will fall prey to your baser urges—it’ll move up and down without conscious direction, while still being glued to the skin of your genitals.  Farewell, Kent.  Your penis will soon be a mutilated lump.”  The screen goes black.

I can already see it.  My vision is flooded with translucent porn, equivalent to an augmented reality x-rated overlay.  Just like he predicted, my hand starts twitching and jerking.

I’m about to lay waste to my milf-fucking dick.

So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

The glue disappears, allowing my hand to burst into action.  Right as I bust, the screen lights up, showing Grammar Nazi Prime erupting with maniacal laughter.  At the same time, an interdimensional portal teleports my nut and deluges him across the face neck and chest.  In less than a second, he goes from clutching the air and howling like a cartoon villain, to projectile vomiting and spinning/slamming against all four walls, courtesy of my ridiculous ejaculatory force.  He ricochets off the floor and the ceiling before I pin him against the far left corner.  He screams unintelligibly (also cries and barfs) while flailing and thrashing like he’s fighting for his life. 

Ha!  That’s what you get for trynna injure my womb-hammer!  Beautiful-genitaled writers unite—take no shit from these low-down Grammar Nazis!

Has a mean-spirited nerd made it their raison dêtre to shit on your writing?  Never fear!  Buy my books and teleport your gametes onto their face neck and chest!

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Check out my high school absurdical, Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! (Yes, I know “absurdical” is a made up word)

DirtySciFiBuddha1 Comment

Idiot demon-jocks, tons of profanity, copious psychedelics, and an airborne kiss at 300 mph, hanging from the back of a mushroom-shaped mecha!  All this and more in my comedy/horror/sci-fi absurdical, Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Check it out here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor.  Get Weapons of Old here:  Weapons of Old  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited 

Give my books a read and a review!

DirtySciFiBuddha4 Comments

What the fart-clench is happening, all you folks who are doo-bee-doo-bee-doo-ing in a crowded elevator while ascending toward an all-hands meeting where you intend to put a shitload of time into leveling up some farms on your favorite phone game, when suddenly your butthole clenches in reflexive terror as burble-gurbles rock your colon and sweat springs out across your brow, if this were a movie the camera would zoom into your eye and show desperately clashing groups of synapses as the war to hold it erupts throughout your body, the theme from Requiem for a Dream starts playing at full fucking blast, the forces of good—those law-abiding church-going muscles in your anal sphincter—tremble and quiver, then scream in eighties slo-mo as they fall before the gases spawned from that evil-ass burrito you ate for breakfast, the music stops and the camera zooms onto your sweaty lips, there’s a hanging silence as you whisper a plea—

“No.”

—before it rushes out your dilated asshole, the music kicks in as your fellow elevator-riders burst into slo-mo chaos, spasming and flailing like they’ve been riddled with tommy guns, their eyes roll back, blood fountains out their mouths, their veins turn black and they implode into unrecognizable wads of ruined slimy flesh—

What in the FUCK!  Save that burrito for some nighttime munchies, so you can roast your own face in an ethically self-administered, Dutch fucking Oven!  Don’t unleash it on the innocent masses!  Jesus!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books!  First up is my YA fantasy series, the Unbound Realm.  Volume 1 is A Door into Evermoor.  I’ve just published volume 2:  Weapons of Old  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

🙂 🙂 😀

Check out my sci-fi series: Echo!

DirtySciFiBuddha8 Comments

Echo is where I started my writing journey. The series has four books, and is filled with musings on society and existence, along with big doses of violence (especially in book 2) as well as psychic stuff and existential philosophy (book 3 and 4). You can see me get a firmer grip on dialogue, description, action, perspective, and symbolism as you progress through the series. #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Here’s the link: Echo.

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor.  Get Weapons of Old here: Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀    

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜   #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited #WritingCommunity

Musings

DirtySciFiBuddha19 Comments

After decades of focus on learning and striving, I began to question what I was learning and striving for, when the question of what is objectively valid is up in the air, given the unknown breadth of existence, my short time in a body, and the limitations of my physical senses.

It may be semantics, but I’d rather focus on experiencing, rather than learning and striving. Even though I may learn and strive, I’ve decided I’m here for the experience of it–to be as present as I can during my temporary stay.

That’s not to say you should do the same. The beauty of our ambiguous, seemingly purposeless reality is that we get to explore our boundaries and craft our own purpose.

Check out my first YA Fantasy book: A Door into Evermoor!

DirtySciFiBuddha4 Comments

Check out my first venture into YA fantasy!  Jon’s a regular Earth kid who wants something more.  After he stumbles through an interdimensional portal, his wishes are granted in spectacular fashion!  During his journey, he encounters a Wolven King and an Elerican Witch, the last Wayfarer, and a half-Elf Princess!  All this and more in A Door into Evermoor! #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

Check it out here: A Door into Evermoor.

Get A Door into Evermoor here:  A Door into Evermoor  Get Weapons of Old here:  Weapons of Old Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1   Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!🙂 🙂 😀