NEW episode of Strained Brains Podcast!

July 8, 2020July 8, 2020 DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

Burt Murdock-–former military elite guy, fellow former cult member, partaker of various psychedelics, and staunch believer in Law of Attraction–-returns to the states and bullshits with Kent! The first episode of Strained Brains in NINE FREAKIN’ MONTHS! Check it out here: Strained Brains Part 2 of 5

In Strained Brains, I interview my best buddies, alternative medicine practitioners, military “elite,” a massage therapist who grew up in the third world and started a thriving business in America, along with a whole lot more! Give it a listen by following the links on this page: Strained Brains Podcast.

Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on! I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate! If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish. Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens! In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to! Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy! Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts! 😲💪 😜 #Kindle #KindleUnlimited

Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

July 8, 2020July 8, 2020 DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

Now that the CIA has made it known that astral projection is real and the universe we live in is an energy hologram (https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/docs/CIA-RDP96-00788R001700210016-5.pdf), it’s time to get to fucking work. I sit down in my chair, bite down on my mouthpiece (it makes me look extra cool, like Neo before he jacks into a cyberpunk wonderland), and utter my neuromemetic key:

“Six inches long (that’s measured PROPERLY from the top for all you fucking cheaters out there), five and a half inches in circumference, diamond hard, with a distinct upcurve.”

(I’m talking about bananas silly—you’s NASTY! 😁)

Oh daaaaaAAANNNG!!!

I go rocketing out of my matter-tethered body, flying through existence at the speed of intention. Time and space appear in their true form: as a toric loop bound into a two-way flow. The illusion of solid matter disappears, allowing me to perceive everything as consolidated grids of vibrating energy, connected by the Absolute known as Love, Laughter and Dreams.

I’m about to trip a set of psychogenic circuit-breakers (they’ll wind down the virus and allow us to get back to our regular lives), when suddenly—

“OOH HOO HA HA! MWAHAHA! TOO LITTLE TOO LATE, KENT—I’VE ALREADY INFECTED THE MULTIVERSAL SUB-MIND!”

Oh no! It’s Grammar Nazi Prime—He of the Checklists and Red Pen Corrections! He’s blocking my access to an astral reset!

“FUCK OFF!” I scream. “THINGS ARE GETTING WORSE BY THE GODDAMN DAY! KANYE’S RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!”

“A small price to pay to thwart your designs, Kent! I’ve had enough of your sci fi rubbish! And now you have the temerity to write YA fantasy? Children need outdated literature, dammit! Your dashing tales of robots and swordplay have no place in the annals of writing!”

I can feel his prudishness pulsing and throbbing, filling the aether with Small Dick Energy.

Fuck it. No options left. I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.

Big Dick Energy erupts from my thought-form, counteracting Grammar Nazi Prime’s withered excuse for a microscopic phallus. As he goes hurtling into the depths of Void, he curses me with all his nerdish might:

“Damn you, Kent Wayne! DAAAAAMMMMNNNN YOOOOOUUUuuuuu…”

Ha HA! Kent Wayne wins again!

😀

Are you trying to save the mothafuckin’ Universe, but uptight finger-waggers are blocking your way forward? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀

Chapter 5 of the Unbound Realm is UP!

July 7, 2020July 7, 2020 DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

Chapter 5 of the Unbound Realm, my work-in-process YA fantasy series, is UP! My hero meets his interdimensional foil (a grumpy wanderer who’s good with the blade) and learns more about this strange new world called Evermoor! Here’s the link: Chapter 5 of the Unbound Realm

Please buy and review Kor’Thank and Echo!

July 7, 2020 DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

What the finger-curl is going on, all you sexual warriors who’ve plundered a hole and blasted your lover into orgasmic orbit with a well-timed “come hither” gesture that leads to a new set of linens and a fresh coat of paint on your bedroom walls because they’ve been irreparably stained in gooshy bodily flui—

ICK-YUCK-NASTY! Stick to missionary like a proper churchgoer, you devil-worshipping perverts! That was just a test, dammit!

But now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast! If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀

Musings

July 7, 2020July 7, 2020 DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

Much has been made of being “fluid” or “solid,” but it is really about what is most beneficial in a given time frame. Know the time frame, know the parameters, and action will clarify.

NEW episode of Strained Brains Podcast!

July 6, 2020 DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

Echo: A Dystopian Science Fiction Novel

July 6, 2020 DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

Here we go: Lockdown #2.

I’m bored as hell, dammit. Hmm, look at all these youngsters writing articles on the interwebs, espousing the joys of anal pleasure. Not really my thing, but…

What the hell.

The next few minutes are some of the most undignified moments in my entire life—I try to jerk it while rooting around in my butthole with my left index finger. Much to my dismay, nothing happens.

Those goddamn bloggers fucking lied to me. “Male g-spot” my violated ass. They were pranking me—fooling me into desecrating my own finger. The next dickhead who tells me I need to insert something into my butt is gonna get a left hook to their fucking—

SHLOOMP.

Wait. Something just latched onto my—

“OOH HOO HA HA! I AM THE ASS DEMON KNOWN AS RUKH-YATAR! THIS FINGER IS MINE!”

“What?” My voice rises in panic. “No! Exit only, goddammit!” (well, from this day forward, anyway). I try to pull out, but it ain’t happening. My Ass Demon is slowly but surely reeling me in. One knuckle…two…two and a half…

My eyes widen in revelatory horror: he’s not gonna stop; I’m about to fist myself. Fuck, man—I like a tight butthole! I don’t wanna wear no adult diapers!

So with my other hand, I reach in my pocket and open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.

Soccer Mom Prime busts through the wall like the goddamn Kool-Aid man. She anchors her Crossfit-hardened arms around my elbow, braces her feet against my back, and pulls with all of her considerable might.

My hand pops out with a slippery SHLOOP. We both go tumbling in opposite directions.

“Goddamn, Kent,” she wheezes, propping herself onto her elbows. “Next time you’re bored, gimme a call. I can always entertain your girthy wiener.”

I shrug in agreement. What can I say? If you leave me alone with an unexplored hole, I’m eventually gonna poke it.

And THAT, my friends, is why we need a vaccine! Motherfucking Ass Demons!

Are you sick of lazing around at home, trying not to fist yourself out of sheer freakin’ boredom? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀

Chapter 4 of the Unbound Realm is UP!

July 4, 2020July 4, 2020 DirtySciFiBuddhaLeave a comment

Chapter 4 of the Unbound Realm, my work-in-process YA fantasy series, is UP! The madness in my hero builds and peaks, until he’s compelled to step through a door into another dimension! Here’s the link: Chapter 4 of the Unbound Realm