Before zombie apocalypse, I known as Kent Wayne.  I write many words, have fun as author.  I service many ladies as big-wiener Man Whore.  I eat Cheeto and Dorito, and live happy life. 

Now all gone.  Shuffle around in zombified haze.  No talk good.  Mostly say:  “Ruhhh….”

Here come Martha Stewart.  Best client from Man Whore days.  Use me like cheap piece of meat on sale at Costco.   

“Hello, Kent.”  Martha take off coat.  “We need to talk.  This isn’t working out.”

Me point at portrait framed in living room.  “Digg…piggg…”

“Yes, your dick pic was the stuff of legend.”  Martha wave dismissive hand.  “But your upcurved thicky isn’t what it was—it looks like a dying jimmy dean sausage.”

Point again at portrait.  “DIGG…PIGGG…”

“I know, Kent, I know.  But we can’t keep living in the past.  We’re going to try something new, okay?  Your wiener might have lost its magnificence, but we can still try and hit that prostate.”  Martha reach in purse and take out big plastic dong.  She flick switch, and it go VMMMMMM-RMRMRMRMRMRM.  Martha raise eyebrow.  “What do you think?”

Kent shake head.  No.  NO.  Kent once try and find prostate with finger. Did not make happy.  Just make finger stinky.  Also, one day sit on cucumber, just to check and see what butthole do.  Butthole shrink in absolute fear.  Not even thumbtack can fit in pucker.

“Oh come on,” Martha say.  “Don’t be a baby.”  She walk forward with plastic dong going RMRMRMRMRM.

“Ruhh…”  Kent turn and shuffle away, but zombified legs is way too slow.  “RUUUUHHH…”

Martha close.  No good for butt.  Only one chance left:  Kent reach in pocket and open eReader to Kent Wayne novel, activating mind-bending reality-distortion power.  Magic flash.

Swirls of light gyre around me, restoring my flesh and prodigious wiener.  My tattered clothes fill out with muscle, my hair and skin glow with newfound vigor. 

“Praise Nestle!”  Martha breathes.  “Your gorgeous upcurve has been fully restored!”

“Easy with that dildo,” I caution, glancing nervously at the fusion-powered destructo-cock.

She chucks it behind her and it drills a hole in the drywall (have you seen these newer models?  They’re like jackhammers designed for deep-space mining!)  “Screw it.  Whip out that womb-hammer and let’s get down to business!”

OH yeah!  Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!

😀

Has your digg piggg failed to divert your lover?  Are you in danger of being widened out by a science fiction space-penis?  Never fear!  Buy my books and restore your zombified flesh to its former glory!

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!    

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