I can barely restrain myself from rushing out to meet him, but you gotta honor Christmas tradition.  So I wait excitedly in bed until I hear him climb back onto the roof, then dash out to the living room. 

Milk and cookies, both gone.  Nice.  Hold on—nothing beneath the tree? 

I yank my stocking off the fireplace, then turn it upside down and shake it onto my table.  THUNK THUNK THUNK.  Lump of coal, lump of coal, and…

DOGSHIT????

My eyes narrow with murderous hate.  We’ll see who shits on who—you just fucked with the wrong Man Whore.

ONE YEAR LATER…

I can hear you in the chimney, you decrepit-ass fuck.  You are MINE. 

Here we go.  I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The chimney compresses, trapping my prey in its sooty breadth.  As he cries out in pain, I teleport onto my snowy roof, holding a bean-n-cheese burrito stuffed with specially engineered, scoville-destroying ghost pepper chilis.

I peer down the chimney and lock eyes with Santa.  “Dogshit, eh?  You thought I’d forget?”  I start maowing down on my tortilla-wrapped ass-tastrophe. 

“Kent, it was a simple misunderstanding!  Let’s talk about this!”  His panicked eyes tick back and forth.

“Too late, fucksludge.”  I clutch my belly as the ghost peppers hit.  “Oh God…if only I had immediate access to modern plumbing…”

“No!”  Santa’s eyes widen in horror.  “DON’T!!!”

I yank down my pants, lean my ass over the chimney, and—

PHHHBBBBBTTT!!!

—a stream of Pure Evil roars out from my backside.  Santa’s agonized howls are music to my ears.

Once I’m done—FLBBT, SPPPLLLBT—I straighten up, stretch left and right, and express an overexaggerated sigh of contentment.  “Aaah…”

Santa’s sobs trickle up the chimney.  “Monster!  You fucking MONSTER!”

“Show isn’t over,” I call.  “Your wife just arrived.”

Santa stares up with shit-ringed eyes.  “Jessica!  I’m down here!  Help me before he—”

Jessica saunters up to me and I give her a once-over.  “Damn.  Looking good, Mrs. Claus.  You’ve been working out, huh?”

“So have you.”  She grabs my peen.  “You’re all muscular.”

I lurch from the squeeze and laugh along.  “That’s not a muscle.  Not that I mind, but—”

Jessica snorts.  “I know that, he-slut.  Lets put it to good use, shall we?”  She whips it out, points it into the chimney, and starts jerking me off.

“Jessica, stop!” Santa pleads.  “What are you DOING?”

“This is revenge for your stinky upper dick area,” she replies.  “Would it kill you to wash its repulsive-ass folds?”

Santa keeps begging, but it’s too late—I’m about to blow.  As I clutch the air and scream, “WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW???” a torrent of jizz rockets down the chimney, spackling Santa’s face with nasty-ass sperm.  His tortured wail carries on for five straight minutes.

Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!

😀

Has Santa filled your stocking with dogshit?  Never fear!  Buy my books, trap him in poop, then defile his face with your unholy gametes!

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!    

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!     #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing