They must have worked out the bugs with neuralink, because mine’s all right.  If I bump my head against the wall, the jack will make a weird click, but otherwise, there’s no pain and no discomfort.  At this point, I’ve had it for six and a half months.  I barely notice unless—

“NYAAARGGH!”  I clutch my head as images blast my brain.  “What the…what—HRRRRGNNNGH!” 

[Finally!] Elon gloats into my psyche.  [The great Kent Wayne, at my mercy!  Fuck your big penis and its freewheeling ways!]

“Asshole!” I spit.  “Call your goons, because I’m coming for you, fucksludge!”  I throw on my jacket, then drop to my knees as my cerebellum erupts with glitches.

[Your weakness is milfs, eh?  Easy enough to exploit.  Tell me:  how will you hold up under a year’s worth of clips from MyFriendsHotMom dot com?]

My eyes widen in fear.  “Wait.  Don’t—”

“HRRRRAAAAAGGJHHHH!!!”

ONE HOUR AND SEVEN HUNDRED EJACULATIONS LATER…

Murrgh…hard to breathe.  Can barely think…I need…electrolytes…

[Ready for round two?]  Elon projects a sadistic smile into my mind.  [You’ll be a dried-out mummy by the time I’m done.]

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Through our link, I can feel Elon recoiling in surprise.  “Steven Seagal?  What are you doing here?”

His deadpan voice echoes through our connection:  “I wasn’t given much in the way of phallus or testicles, but I’m packing the biggest foreskin on God’s green earth.”

“No,” Elon whispers.  “No!  Keep it away from me!  Oh God, it smells like rotten cabbage and monosodium glutamate!”

“Shhh.  Go to sleep.”  Seagal whips his smegma-heavy anteater over Elon’s head.

“EEEE!  EEEEEEEE!”  Elon thrashes violently about, but as the flesh melts off his liquefying skull, his tormented cries fade out and die. 

I can’t help but shudder in horror.

But that quickly passes, because that’s what you get for trying to kill me with MyFriendsHotMom dot com!  You wanna dishonor the best website in all of existence?  Die in the hell of Steven’s fucking foreskin!  HEH heh heh!

Kent Wayne wins again!

😀

Has a malicious oligarch reached through your cutting-edge brain-link, then scrambled your neurons with your favorite porn genre?  Never fear!  Buy my books and kill him with the foulest of smegmas!

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!    

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