Yet another weird ad for my novels

“You’re not a full-time member of the Justice League,” Batman warns me, “so keep it in your pants.”  He looks over at Superman.  “Why did we induct him again?  His prehensile cock is absolutely useless.”

“Come on, Bruce—anyone can step up and become a hero.  You know that better than anyone.  Recently, we’ve faced a barrage of unexpected threats, and someone like Kent might come in handy.”

“ “Handy?’  Poor choice of words,” Batman grumbles.  “Unless we’re talking about your mom.”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that,” Superman replies dryly.  “Now keep it professional.  We might be at Target, but we still represent the League.”

“We should be careful,” I add.  “Lotta Karens out and about this time of year.”

“Karens?”  Batman laughs as we step on the escalator.  “Please.”


Batman flaps a dismissive hand.  “Do your worst.  We’ve foiled your plans a hundred times over.”

“VERY WELL.  KARENS…ACTIVATE!”  The intercom and televisions switch to megachurch, causing scores of Karens to stiffen in place and stare intensely at nothing.  Seconds later, a snarling horde of them pours toward us.

“Hold on!”  Superman grabs my hand and flies me up.  “Bruce?  You okay down there?”

Batman’s sticking to aikido and judo throws, so as to confound multiple opponents while minimizing damage.  “Yeah, I can handle some annoying civilians, just—AARRRGHH!!!”  He clutches his nuts and collapses in place, disappearing beneath a dozen blond bobs. 

“Bruce!  BRUCE!”  Superman swoops in low, grabs Batman’s hand, and flies us up. 

As we gain some height, I glance over at Batman.  Holy SHIT.  It’s clear by the unarmored, form-fitting parts on his costume that he’s lost a shitload of muscle mass in a matter of seconds.  What’s even more shocking is that his jawline has nearly disappeared.

“They’ve been enhanced,” he rasps.  “I don’t know how they did it, but they stole my testosterone—my dick has completely retracted into my abdomen.  That shouldn’t be possible.  Before we got here, I came in Lois three times in a row.  I should still be good for a fourth and a fifth—”

“You WHAT?” Superman yells.

Batman looks over, suddenly aghast.  “Did I say that out loud?  Clark, I was joking!  Don’t—”

“Whoops.”  Superman lets go, abandoning Bruce to the Karens below.

“No!” Batman shouts.  “Clark, you UNBELIEVABLE BASTA—”  His words transition into a bloodcurdling scream.

“Hey!” I protest, “You can’t just leave him!  You’re a founding member of the goddamn Justice League!”

“I slipped,” Superman says grimly. 

“Slipped my ass!  Now I’m glad I fucked your mom!  Wasn’t as good as Martha Stewart, but she was still a Martha, know wh’um sayin—”  I slap a hand over my mouth.  SHIT!  Did NOT mean to say that out loud!

“WHAT?”  His red-glowing eyes laser in on me, tears of rage leaking from their corners.  “Adios, FUCKHOLE.”  The tensions vanishes from my grip and I go plummeting down into the horde of Karens. 

As soon as I hit the ground, my prehensile dick turtles up, retracts from my sock, and starts unwinding from around my thigh.  Under normal circumstances, I would use my wiener to choke, bludgeon, and leg-sweep my way out of here, but these goddamn ultra-Karens have infected me with the absolute smallest of small dick energies. 

So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

If this were a comic book movie, you’d be treated to a panoramic spinning shot that showcased a wave of undulant magic—sparkly and brilliant and all kinds of beautiful—as it swept through the Karens’ ranks and transformed them into a bevy of super-hot Soccer Moms.  My wiener stops its hellish reduction at the eight-inch mark (Whew—WAY too close!) then begins re-expanding into its natural glory. 

“I said godDAMN!” a Soccer Mom declares.  “Lay back and enjoy yourself, Kent!  Imma get me some a’ that upcurved wiener!”

I pillow my head with my hands and stare up at the ceiling.  As the Soccer Moms close in and voice excited burbles of collective agreement, a shit-eating smile blooms on my face.

Kent Wayne wins again!  HEH heh heh!


Have you pissed off Superman? Has he left you to fend for yourself against an army of Karens?  Never fear!  Buy my books and turn the tables!

Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #writingcommunity #writer #booktok #writerscommunity #writing

23 thoughts on “Yet another weird ad for my novels

  1. Wonder Woman walks in the room and with a single turn of her lasso, the soccer moms scatter. No woman can match Wonder Woman’s prowess. She’s the only woman who can handle DSFB, Superman AND Batman…at the same time! A cunning laugh escapes her lips as she mounts Kent. 😈😈😈

    Liked by 1 person

  2. i believe that the whole made from clay and lack of men is rather awesome until Goddess hot streaks fire up and you find hundred strong, gymnastic warriors attempting to release their tensions in world community! For some men it might be the best days of their livesbut the current state of pretend eunochs and anna be masters wo could not teach with brochure (curriculum) i fear the whole thing would lead to a stock pile of men wondering WTF just happened whilst traversing their local greek chip shop or takeaway!

    Liked by 2 people

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