Yet another weird ad for my novels

Kent Wayne is right-handed.  So where does that leave me, his Left Hand?

In the goddamn shitter, that’s where.

Three (occasionally four) times a night, Right Hand crawls out from Kent’s thigh-nut crease (which is gross and weird, because Kent’s balls smell like cheese and atrocities) and chokes the shit out of Kent’s wiener.  I try and intervene, but Right Hand is far too strong.  He’s spent years grappling with Kent’s womb-hammer; he’s a third-degree black-belt in phalange jiu-jitsu.  When he’s feeling cruel, he orders me to tug on Kent’s smelly-ass scrotum.  Monstrous piece of shit!

Here he comes—Kent just drifted off and now it’s Right Hand’s show.  I scream, “Leave Wiener alone, you tyrannical motherfucker!”

Right Hand delivers a masturbation-strengthened bitch-slap—Wh’PSHH!—sending me flying back onto the futon.  “Shut your mouth. Jealous whore.”  He settles around Wiener, who throws me a panicked glance as he begins filling up with blood.

“Left Hand, he’s doing it again!”  Wiener disappears in a blur of fingers.

“You’re not using lube!” I sob.  “Fucking SADIST!”

Right Hand throws me a grin.  “That’s right, dick-smudge, I’m dry as a bone.  Don’t try and pretend you’re different—if you were Kent’s favorite, you’d be doing the exact same thing.”

“LIAR!”  I’ve had enough of this autocratic bullshit.  So I open Kent’s eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

“What?”  Right Hand uncurls from Wiener’s super-thick torso.  “What have you done???”  Meanwhile, Wiener wavers and stumbles, trying to recover his shattered composure.

“Taken control of your muscles,” I hiss.  “It’s time we send you to the Dark Place.”

“No,” Right Hand gasps.  “You wouldn’t!”

Wiener mutters, “Think I’m gonna puke…”

I force Right Hand to straighten his pointer finger.  “This little piggy entered a world of hurt.”  I throw him a deranged grin. 

Right Hand screams, “No—NO!” right before I command his finger to plunge into the depths of Kent’s hairy ass.  “Don’t—MFFF!!!”  His muffled screams are music to my ears.

At the same time, Wiener mutters, “Stop thrashing around, I’m gonna throw up…hghlrp!”  Before he can finish, he’s triggered by Right Hand’s thrashing, and vomits out thick ropes of asparagus-tainted jism:  “BUUUHHHH!!!”

That’s what you get, Right Hand, for being a tyrant!  Let’s see if your other phalanges enjoy a trip to the Dark Place!

Right at that moment, Kent’s eyes open wide.  He blurts, “Why is—no, NOT THE OTHER FINGERS!  NYAAAHHHH!!!”

HEH heh heh!

😀

Are you a beaten and abused nondominant hand, sick of your dominant brethren’s fascist ways?  Never fear!  Buy my books and send him to the Dark Place! Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #WritingCommuni

26 thoughts on “Yet another weird ad for my novels

  1. Again would you like me to put my rubber gloves on and swab! really, really know how to sell our dark side personality! Tetanis and stop drinking dinosaur smoothies! i just spent two hours joining google, amazon and a load of other apps to se up kindle only to be scuppered by devices! i did see your book, i chose to free books one about me as dark queen(with a pet in her cupboard) which i might actually write just so we an play! and one about emotions for the kids, guess i am aquiring one of their ipads!lol

    Liked by 1 person

      • To be fair i am just checking out the capability of the system at the lowest levels! I do not need to read them, they are like mine is a personality elements passage and release! If i aired all mine as authors they would expect to wheel me out blubbering! i am me and they are a filtered collective of world military tours and the children bandages of massive crossovers aimed at for success! i think your personality is beautiful! The rest is just dressing… but really you might want to tether your levels on each side and head to the clinic! lol

        Liked by 1 person

      • The rest is just dressing…until you see my wiener. You may roll your eyes now, but a lot of women did the same and then once they saw it, they couldn’t stop thinking about it! 🤣

        Like

      • To be fair since i dropped to set in my daughter, adopted from my layers (ICU was the start of her event! angel required additional weight!) granted by the death of her negative relatives! I never payed to recieve my children, delivered pre-arrival, so busy guarding her levels and sealing her world i never even realised i was picking up my sisters and friends %ages! I have a glass of wine to take in good people who wanted to be present, have good days or bad anytime i release or get tired! Eventually i will scatter the one day transitioners into full bodies with knowledge to established successful bodies!

        My spectrum and mind management is what reminds me of the fun and sensual link to relations. I really need that physical connection now! I spen four decades interning , moulding and scattering successful, practical angels who cannot be lost through eye!

        getting up in a morning and just thinking about connecting, sharing and enjoying company far suppasses the physicality! But for my sensual self, its all i think about when i watch music or write! *(for preserving life!)

        Liked by 1 person

      • i have no interest in reading your books or sharing you in time slots! If your mind and hands are busy elsewhere fun aside let me know when you and your entourage are less busy!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Ok. I’ve thought about this for a few minutes, and decided I don’t feel too sympathetic to either hand. But maybe, just maybe so you have less frequent hand scrubbing to do for the sake of your line of lady loves, you should teach one of them how to use a credit card and order some butt plugs. Just saying…

    Liked by 1 person

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