What the ball-stank is happening, all you gym bros who slap each other’s skulls, arms, and occasionally ass-cheeks in a super insecure display of shaky heterosexuality, screaming “U-S-A! U-S-A! [hometown high school] football RULES!” then spot for your partner on the ridiculously eighties-style exercise known as the bench press, but your unwashed sack and frenulum begins releasing a foul, evil-cheese stench into the air, contaminating your surroundings with green-mist lines that go way beyond a pungent fart (that’s a microaggression, by the way, so hold it in on elevators and flights goddammit) the bencher starts gagging, thrashing from side to side as skin peels and withers off his skull, baring his lips while a high-pitched scream erupts from his mouth—EEEEEEEEEE—and you begin shouting for help, is anyone here a motherfucking doctor, what the fuck have I done HOLY MOTHER OF GOD SOMEBODY SAVE HIM—
And THAT, my friends, is why you give your nuts some extra scrubbin’! (Yes, ages ago when I used to bench press, I have experienced this perfidy first fucking hand. On that day, my shit list gained another name, written in bold and quadruple underlined). Farm your cheese somewhere else, goddammit!
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books! First up is my YA fantasy: A Door into Evermoor. If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated! #WritingCommunity
🙂 🙂 😀
Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha 
I can almost smell it as you describe it. Not a nice sensation to say the least.
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Haha! Luckily, I have selective imagination when it comes to writing about how things smell.
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I may be a female, but I used to lift in the football gym in high school. I got up at 4:00a to avoid that smell for two weeks until I realized that I was the only person wiping down the equipment when I was done. My 80 year old grandmother gifted me a clothespin.
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Haha! I never had got stank off unwiped gym equipment, but I have heard that in general, men have an inferior sense of smell (I think the exact number I heard was seven times worse on average, compared to women). I have some hope I don’t pass on the nasty, because when I did a 23&me, I apparently have a gene that reduces body odor, something I got from my Korean parents. 😅
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I just read chapter one of Echo; it is AMAZING!!! You are so descriptive that I felt like I was right there (only I think I would be an obstacle). Have you ever served in the Armed Forces?
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I have! Echo is a dystopia, so I wanted the military to be as toxic as I could possibly make it. I’ve experienced stuff like that, but nowhere near to that degree, thank God! 😅
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Ohmygosh! And, I thought sorority hazing was bad. lol. Thank you for your service.
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Well I’m older and pickier now, so sorority hazing might just break me at this point! 😅
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It’s pretty bad, I must say. In my high school sorority rush, we had to get on our knees, put our hands behind our back, and eat a Dairy Queen Delight- everything the restaurant had to offer mixed into individual bowls. Yummo.
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I’m curious…I might try and make one to see how it tastes! 🤔
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Ice cream, chunks of hotdogs with all the fixings, lots of ketchup and mustard throughout, bits of hamburger and bun with cheese all topped with a mound of whip cream so it looks like a treat. Add sprinkles and a cherry on top! Disclaimer: You must eat everything in your bowl, so don’t vomit in it.
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So much deliciousness whipped into sacrilege! 🤣
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Truth. To quote my little nephew, “the stuggle is real.”
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Haha! The fact that I’ve never said that makes me feel super old. 😅
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The fact that I said that makes me feel uber old!
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Now I wonder if I’d look weird saying it…back in the 90s, I used to make fun of people saying stuff like yo or mad tight. 😅
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Didn’t everyone but Vanilla Ice?!
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Haha! Good point!
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Thank you. Thank you. I’ll be here all week. Don’t forget to tip your waiter.
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I’m pretty generous with just the tip! 😏
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For your Waiter? Interesting…
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I’m a big fan of soccer moms, but I’ll loosen up for the sake of innuendo! 😅
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Well, thank you, kind sir.
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Oh, I meant to ask you what branch of service you were in. Btw, I am on chapter 3. I would be farther along, but this Covid and the meds for it are wiping me out.
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Sorry, but as part of my making-peace-with-my-experience process (which is purely based on my own superstitions and preferences), I don’t reveal which branches or units I was in. But it was two different branches, and the units weren’t super sexy or badass. I had a bit of an odd career–when I wasn’t deployed, I bounced back and forth between brutal, high-attrition training and super boring, low-stress office-work. 😅
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If you have seen sorority boys! We can both do with elements of that hazing! lol
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What did I just read? 😅
I feel like I learned a lot about men in this post. Sorry for your troubles. I’m glad you care about hygiene. 😄
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😂 🤣
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