Yet another weird ad for my novels

Oh man, I cannot believe I’m about to explore Dagobah.  Finally—after all that shit with the second Death Star, balance is restored to the motherfucking Force.  Now that it’s safe, I’m gonna tour the galaxy and take in the sights.  Tatooine, Hoth, Endor…not gonna lie, I’m a giant Luke fan-boy. 

I throttle my X-Wing, easing it onto the swampy terrain.  Pop the cockpit, climb down the ladder, then make my way toward Yoda’s hut.  I stop outside, put my hands on my hips, and study the exterior with an appreciative gaze.  Bad.  Ass.  This is where Luke trained in all the cool stuff.  Telekinesis, one-armed handstands…

My thoughts are interrupted by frantic grunts, interspersed with curses and desperate moans.  What the fuck?  I unholster my blaster and start creeping forward.  Who the fuck is inside that hut? 

I part the vine-draped entrance with the muzzle of my blaster, hunkering down to accommodate the low-built ceiling.  As I round the corner, I spot a robed figure crouched on his haunches, pumping away like a horned-up monkey.  He’s saying something about Lannisters…

“Hey!” I yell.  “What the fuck are you DOING?”

As the guy falls backward, his dick plops out of a hole in the melon.  Cinnamon buns are glued onto either side, and a winking smiley-face is drawn onto its surface.  My mind goes blank, stunned by the depravity unfolding before me.  It takes a couple of seconds to realize…

“LUKE?”  My mouth drops open.

The Jedi master yanks up his pants.  “Never go full Lannister!  I mean…who are you?  What are you doing here?”

My eyes drift over to the desecrated melon.  Cinnamon buns, smiley face….

Oh no.  GROSS.

“You…”  I look at the melon in disbelief, then back at Luke.  “Leia…”  I shake my head, disgusted and shocked.

“No!” he protests.  “We kissed on the Death Star—that was it!  NEVER go full Lannister!”  A second later, his expression hardens.  “I can’t let you live.”  He reaches out with a hand, cutting off my air with his Force-trained mind.

“HKKK…”  My blaster tumbles from my weakening grasp.  Black walls begin closing in, hazing the edges of my sight with impending oblivion.

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its hidden reality-distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Space-time wrinkles, forming a radiant eddy off to my left.  Mace Windu steps out from its locus, staring incredulously at me, Luke, and the Leia-melon.

“HEY!” he yells.  “Get yo’ melon-fucking mind off this GODDAMN BYSTANDER!” 

Luke releases me and I drop to the floor, gasping and clutching at my ravaged neck.  “Mace!”  He raises both hands, palms out.  “I can explain!  Just—”

“I told you before,” Mace growls.  “I don’t give a shit about the alien titties, but you keep on with this incestuous melon-fucking, and I will go Old Republic on yo’ sister-kissing ass.”

“Last time!” Luke blurts.  “I swear!”

“It better be.”  Mace’s eyes widen into his trademark glare.  “Come on.”  He jerks his head at me.  “Time to vamoose.”

As I follow behind Mace, he spares the hut a disgusted glance.  “Melon-fucking sister-kisser.”

 

Have you incurred the wrath of a Jedi pervert?  Never fear!  Buy my books and escape his clutches!  Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle #KindleUnlimited #WritingCommuni

17 thoughts on “Yet another weird ad for my novels

  1. I’m not sure I can mentally un-see that. If ever there was a time when I would have wanted to see a Kent Wayne novel melt someone into group incapable of violating another cinnabun adorned melon again…

    Liked by 1 person

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