“Oh hey,” I exclaim. “Ruthless billionaire Jeff Bezos!
Bezos steps up to the urinal next to me. “Zany author and award-winning Man Whore Kent Wayne! How you doing, my guy?”
“Not bad! I switched over to fantasy—now I’m writing about D&D pirates, only instead of cannons they have these gigantic stone pillars that are basically 10-shot magic wands. I call em bombardier obelisks.” I relax my PC muscles and make it rain.
“Cool!” Bezos says. “And I may I just say, that is SOME flow!”
“Uh…okay.” (Getting kinda weird here, better make a hasty exit). “Well if that’s all—”
“This is gonna sound odd, but it’s kind of a hobby of a mine. You mind if I just—” He leans over and checks my meat.
“What? HEY! No, that is NOT COOL! You are WAY outta—”
“I KNEW it!” he hisses, lasering in on my wiener. “It looks JUST LIKE ME!”
“What the—no, dude, just because you shave your head and treat your warehousers like a literal dick, that doesn’t—”
“DIE!” He leaps from his stall, his tiny pale mole-rat wiener (come on—you can tell just by looking at him) coming back to rest atop his balls (always pity the mofo whose wiener comes to rest on their balls…unless he’s trying to kill YOUR wiener, that is). Seconds later, he’s grabbed my womb-hammer under the glans, choking it like a deranged movie villain that’s finally been revealed in the last, drama-filled act. “Fucking impostor! THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!!!”
“This isn’t Highlander, asshole!” I bludgeon his face and try to pull off a jiu-jitsu sweep, but his penis-envy is far too great—it’s infused him with god-like strength. “Get OFF IT!”
“Help me, Kent!” Wiener wheezes. “I’m fucking dying!”
Fuck it. No options left. So I open my eReader to a Kent Wayne novel, activating its mind-bending reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Super-hot ladies rush around the corner, pulling Bezos off my persecuted dick and throwing him to the ground. As they give him a kicking, his eyes widen in horror.
“What? No! Impossible! You’re—”
“Kent gave us life!” one of them snarls. “That’s right Jeff—we’re the blow-up dolls you filled with your weak-ass cum! YOUR VERY FIRST GIRLFRIENDS, FROM BACK WHEN YOU WERE A NON-MUSCLED NERD!”
As Bezos screams in protest, I run past the mayhem, stuffing my wiener back down my pants and into my sock. Note to self—don’t abuse any fuck-dolls; they might come to life and kick the living shit out of me! But as always…
Kent Wayne wins again! Ha HA!
Has a roided-out billionaire accosted you in the bathroom, then unjustly assaulted you and your beautiful genitals? Never fear! Buy one of my books and destroy him with his sentience-infused fuck-dolls! Get A Door into Evermoor here: A Door into Evermoor. Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization!
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