I used to believe I had to earn my happiness.

Then I realized that I could be happy in “miserable” conditions (as well as vice versa—I could be miserable in “happy” conditions).  My happiness wasn’t dependent on sacrificing or justifying my way into a predetermined “heaven” or “enlightenment.”

Happiness, in my opinion, springs from an internal focus on relaxation and allowance, rather than earning and strife.  Outwardly, I may or may not have to exert physical effort, but that is independent of my happiness.


92 thoughts on “Musings

  1. That’s exactly what I’m exploring as well. I know that my thoughts of contentment or happiness comes from within, and that when looked at from a different perspective, outside influences shouldn’t affect how I feel. Anyway, thanks for this post!

    Liked by 3 people

      • YES 💯%
        beating oneself up ONLY makes things worse, …
        so if “it” started out unpleasant – Y do we all tend to add insult to our own names injuries?

        My best guess is habitual patterns of thought that become programmed “knee JERK (!) reactions/responses”

        Liked by 1 person

      • Indeed! It’s a fine line, because a hidden trap in that is false positivity, which only leads to more strain and more negativity. I like to just settle into the realization that I can at least turn in the direction of positivity and reach for the feeling of relief, even if I can’t feel immediately positive…

        Liked by 1 person

      • that’s a great attitude
        & a SKILL
        thanks for sharing

        I agree, …
        the “light” is always ON but sometimes it still feels dark & knowing where one’s internal switch / “how to keep the pilot light lit🔥”
        IS a relief

        & so TRUE about the “false positivity” / “fake it ‘till u make it”
        it potentially sets one up for disappointment

        It’s so important to feel what one feels and let that 💩 run it’s course

        Talking about “it”can make it worse if the focus is on the “it”
        talking/communicating also helps if the focus is on release & relief

        what we focus on GROWS, whether it’s the problem or the solution is up to our own internal gardeners 🌻

        I’m guessing that’s Y “nothingness” is such a good meditation 🧘🏼‍♀️ focus 🎯
        bc sometimes “NOthing” is the solution &
        BEing in the stillness & silence of “nothingness” resolves the “it” 💛

        Liked by 1 person

      • regular stillness is AS essential as regular movement…. #balance

        balance is different for ev1, so there’s no “magic formula”
        AND balance itself is a dynamic (vs static) state

        Liked by 1 person

      • YES !


        (for instance, a calm ocean with all it’s moving parts )


        (for instance, holding ones breath, yet the entirety of the human body, EVEN the lungs, are never STILL, not communicating, nor
        NOT in flux;
        or contracting a muscle
        and all systems beyond the human body)

        I LOVE how this works both ways –
        & truly depicts the depth to which “balance” = fluctuation

        & “stillness” is a perception;
        a striving towards a state of the most even keeled experience of our senses, both physical and emotional

        thx, @dirtyscifibuddha

        love the thoughts 💭
        this conversation has generated 💝

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, sometimes you can find happiness even when you can’t relax, depending on how you frame your thoughts. But I will never take relaxation for granted again, let’s just say that…

    Liked by 3 people

      • Well, it’s hard for things to feel like a game when part of why you can’t relax is you’re keeping a loved one from self-harming. I think framing things like a game sounds like a good strategy for other situations though, typically I frame it as a challenge of my problem solving skills, but I shall have to try the game framing sometime…😃

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sometimes it’s hard to have fun with it, but for me in those times I try to celebrate the small victories and try to find the opportunities that consequently arise, which is kinda like a game in my eyes…

        Liked by 1 person

      • I approach it like I’m a character in a tv show AND
        I’m also writing for my character …
        it feels less serious that way, like the “serious stuff” is less heavy
        & it all has a sense of meaningless meaning
        if that makes sense (!)

        Liked by 2 people

      • I am definitely in the business of celebrating the small victories, or I would have gone stark raving mad from the heartbreak by now 💔😔 We move forward through quick sand, but we move forward 😅

        Liked by 2 people

      • There’s a point, I suspect, where moving forward becomes more a matter of relaxing and allowing, rather than a paranoid search for if I did everything right or what I should do next. Maybe that’s just me, though…

        Liked by 2 people

      • Nope, never mind just realized somebody else also commented on what was said… And I even got more than 7 hours sleep last night 😱🙄🤡

        Liked by 2 people

      • More sleep: the temporary gift of Hannah being on spring break and Tony having a great sleep week at the same time…it was a beautiful thing. 😃 I realized long time ago it wasn’t physically possible for me to do enough to increase how much we are able to move Tony’s circumstances forward at a faster rate, if I just completely relaxed though we would lose much of a forward momentum we do have. We’re kind of in this crunch where We are racing against his growth when it comes to the public safety skills….if I relax there, we’ll hit a point where his size will make it impossible for anyone to help him move forward.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Well it sounds like you’re finally reaping a bit of reward for the hard work and seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Soon enough, you’ll be able to nap during the day, relaxing in a comfy pile of pillows and blankets! 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      • Definitely yes to celebrating victories 🦋🎉 that being said, I probably shouldn’t have typed the word “temporary” and I even hesitated to do it, because the moment I do sometimes…up three hours in the night 😆 like last night. In the beginning, his sleep related issues were more sensory related and what we did mattered. Now it’s about the balance of his ADHD meds, and there’s only so much of that that’s in my control and I can’t really take credit for too much other than recommending the current mix to his developmental pediatrician and see what she thought about it. But naps, with blankets and pillows, especially soft or weighted blankets… That is the stuff daydreams are made of right now 😍

        Liked by 1 person

      • developing POTS taught me that never getting out of bed really isn’t for me…I suppose it’s ok if it’s a choice for someone, but…all things in moderation. I like to be up and doing too many things 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Ugh, I can relate! Nothing pisses me off more than when I’m in bed trying to relax, but my body and mind know I should be up and doing something. I get itchy, my hands and feet will sweat, and my body randomly holds tension. There’s gotta be that balance of inflow and outflow.

        Liked by 1 person

      • will-POWER is very powerful when consciously & conscientiously applied

        Mind over matter is more than a “saying”
        It can create one’s experience

        Your initial post is fabulous… it does take ppl lifetimesssss plural to achieve this state of awareness &
        It is a constant choice
        being aware of ones own “choice points” is so critical bc that’s the tipping point, where “it controls u” or “u control it”

        cheering u on DirtySciFiBuddha

        Liked by 1 person

      • re: relaxing & control

        it’s like a muscle
        & if a muscle is in a state of constant contraction, it’ll seize up

        the relaxing of the muscle allows for it’s release (thereby gaining strength, endurance, “control”)

        so using the muscle is just as important as relaxing the muscle💪🏼🧠

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve truly begun to USE my emotions as an
        e-GPS (emotional GPS)
        and understand my “inner-guidance” is guided by this finely tuned, highly receptive & EXTREMELY ACCURATE internal communication network …
        took me a long time to tune in to that navigational voice
        and even longer to trust AND follow its “directional advice”

        it’s more fun now that I understand what wisdom my inner voice is offering up & even anxiety is becoming less cumbersome & fear more tolerable because I know it’s a warning message of some sort … use caution ⚠️ ; slow down; BREATHE, listen; stretch, move, pause; STOP; change direction; attitude adjustment ; etc….

        growth is a cool process, especially when one is “all in” & open to whatever comes next

        Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve found too-
      WILL power is a lot of the puzzle …
      both as in sheer might
      AND as in choosing wisely …

      worrying about stuff seems to make “it” worse
      & YES
      there is an amount of “doing all one can”
      however, surrendering (NOT giving up, but giving IN)
      is crucial
      for myself,
      or I’d be as stark raving mad as I think I am
      when really I’m fine
      It’s just “another day at the office”

      sleep is MAJOR important –
      it’s like recharging ones cell phone,
      the body, mind & spirit NEED the reset

      when stuff is simply “too much” – we all have our tolerance levels & support in any form
      is also necessary

      it’s not a sign of weakness, but rather the ultimate act of courage & strength to ask for help

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Happiness to me is a lack of feeling stress, anxiety, or a combination therein. Almost like the nostalgia of childhood and utterly carefree. This to me is the essence of happiness boiled down. Everything else are contributors or variables enhancing the core emotion.

    Liked by 2 people

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