What the boner crunch is happening, my fellow pork-sword-wielding man-beasts who’ve gotten a little too comfortable with your meat-docking skills and instead of inserting it smoothly into a juiced up orifice, you’ve jammed it straight against the unyielding border-skin holy CHRIST THAT HURTS now you’re holding back tears, trying to assure your partner through quivering lips that you’re fine just fine just give it a second shit the mood’s ruined wiener’s shrinking like a traumatized earthworm fucking run man RUN—
Get a hold of yourself, goddammit! What if Patton was standing in front of you?? He’d slap your hog in its depressingly small glans and tell it to man the fuck up, motherfucker! You need to give yourself an American-made, Patton-style cock-slap! Yeah!
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my various-genred books! First up is my YA fantasy: A Door into Evermoor. If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!
🙂 🙂 😀