Yet another weird ad for my novels

As Kent Wayne’s wiener, my life is filled with terror and pain.

It’s not all holes and tongues.  I mean, yes, they massage me on a regular basis, but that doesn’t make up for the unrelenting wear and tear.  Ironically, that comes from Kent Wayne himself.

Right now he’s sleeping on his disgusting futon, snoring into his brown-stained pillow (Think Kent uses pillowcases?  Think again.  And once you’re done gagging, call the CDC so they can try and prepare for the next microbiotic apocalypse, courtesy of Kent’s reprehensible funk). 

I can’t predict when he’ll strike.  I dunno, maybe tonight will be different.  I hope so, because I am CHAFED.  All I need is a little break so I can reco—

Wait.  Is that—no.  NO.

Blood rockets into my corpus cavernosum, forcing me to stand up straight and stretching my skin as tight as a drum. 

Can’t…fucking…MOVE…

Then his hand descends, flogging me like a nuclear-powered shake-weight.

“BALLS!” I scream.  “IT’S AN AMBUSH!”

“HE’S GOT ME TOO!” Balls wails.  “I’M BEING JUGGLED LIKE NOBODY’S BUSINESS!”

Ever been pummeled by a giant, godlike hand that’s been strengthened by decades of weightlifting and untold numbers of high quality protein shakes?  It happens to us EVERY.  FUCKING.  DAY.  I clench my glans, trying to block out the pain, but it’s no use—pretty soon, I’m gonna spasm and barf. 

UnLESS…it’s a long shot…but maybe…

I reach deep into my psyche, tapping the essence for Kent Wayne’s books and activating their reality-distorting powers (think his stories originate in his brain?  Please—it does like ten percent of the work.  I do most of the lifting while brain takes the credit). 

Magic flash.

Kent blurts out a surprised, “What the—” as strength pours through me, freeing me of his odious control.  Point my head at his dumbass face, and—

SPLOOSH!

His disgusted screams are music to my ears.  That’s what you get, fucker!  Don’t you forge—

Zzz…

ZZZZZZZ…..

 

 

Are you a beleaguered set of genitals, living in fear of your uncaring master?  Never fear—buy Kent’s books and buck free of their despotic control!  Get The Unbound Realm here:  The Unbound Realm, Volume 1 Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

17 thoughts on “Yet another weird ad for my novels

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