What the cum-shield is happening, all my fellow laze-holes who never bother changing your sheets and make a habit of blasting them with jizz, causing them to harden into impenetrable armor that you use as a barrier when some asshole burglar runs into your home and tries to plug you but surprise, motherfucker, can’t get past the cum-shield, now look who’s fucke—
Wash your sheets, you nasty heathen! Christ alive, they’re not meant to serve as burglar protection! That’s why they invented shotguns, ADT, and the Home Alone series! Fuck!
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast! If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!
🙂 🙂 😀