What the dick-sniff is happening, all of us who pretend that yeah it’s all good but inwardly clench our jaws and grind our teeth as a potential lover gives the wiener a discreet sniff, realizing it could all go to hell in a handbasket if they detect just the slightest whiff of stale ballsweat or errant butthole—

Come on, bro—everyone knows you should be ready to crouch in a nearby sink and clean out your undercarriage if you happen upon a potential smash-mate!  At least be ready with some goddamn wet wipes!  Jesus!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀