Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

“Goddamn TIE fighters!” Luke rages.  “Gonna shit in their cockpits and max out the heat on their goddamn air conditioners!  Bake that funk in!”

“Whoa, easy there Red 5.  No need to swear.”  I exchange looks with my fellow pilots through our multi-channel video-link.  “Uh, is something wrong?  I mean, you’re not usually this…”

“Fucking ass-cunts!”  Luke punches his dashboard with a gloved fist.  “Motherfucking mother-FUCKS!”

“Red 5, we’re about to engage in a six-wing assault.  Why don’t you tell us what’s wrong?  Because if you can’t get it together, then—”

Luke wails, “I KISSED MY SISTER, MAN!  I KISSED MY FUCKING SISTER!” 

Heavy silence.

After what seems like an eternity, I clear my throat.  “Well, she’s with Han now, so I think you’re covered.  It was a one-time thing; don’t beat yourself up too mu—”

“I’M JAIME LANNISTER, MAN!  IT’S FUCKING GROSSING ME OUT!”  He goes back to punching his dashboard.  “STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!”

The Wing Commander opens a private channel to me.  “Kent—we gotta do something.  Luke is our only Force-sensitive pilot.  If he loses his shit, we’re all gonna die.”

“Gotcha.  I’m on it.”  I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Snippets of his future download into my hard drive.  “Look, Luke!”  I ping his channel and send him the data.  “Hey, buddy—you eventually become a Jedi Master with his own private island!  And hey—you drink green milk from giant alien nipples!”

“What?”  Luke wipes away tears and sniffs up snot.  “Really?” 

“Yeah man—look!”

“Whoa…alien nipples…”  A blob of drool forms on his lips.  “So HOT!  All right, guys, let’s DO this!”  He shifts his X-Wing into a steep dive, falling into attack formation.

I follow in his wake, shaking my head in abject disgust. 

Alien nipples?  That’s what turns you on? 

Nasty motherfucker.

 

Are you serving with the Jedi of all Jedis, but he’s jeopardizing the mission by obsessing over that cringe-inducing instance when he kissed his fucking sister?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s