What the cum-sicle is happening, all you Gross Beings who lay around all day and entertain yourself by blasting jism onto the exact same spot on the edge of your bed which causes a constantly renewing drip of hardening spooge to form and crystallize into a powerful weapon which you can then use to pick locks, defeat wizards, and scale sheer cliffs into mythical realms—

NO, dude, no!  HARD no!  Cum-swords have been banned for eons on end, and with damn good reason—they would destroy our sanity and bring an end to civilization!  How DARE you try and fashion one in your fetid bedroom!  Monster!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀