“REMOVE THE BAG.”

Someone yanks the bag off my head, blitzing me with a wash of overhead glare.  I squint and blink, trying to bring the world into sharper focus.  It resolves from a fuzzy white blob into a chain of silhouettes—I’m surrounded by masked, blond-bobbed women.

“Who are you?” I croak.  “Why are you doing this?”

A modulated voice answers, “THE KAREN COLLECTIVE WILL NOT STAND FOR YOUR PATHETIC ATTEMPTS AT SUBVERSIVE HUMOR.  YOUR MANAGER-LESS LIFESTYLE IS AN INSULT TO SOCIETY.”

“What?”  I give her a skeptical look.  “I write ridiculous stories and romp with soccer moms.  None of which warrants a…whatever this is.  What is this, anyway?”

“FAREWELL, KENT WAYNE—PREPARE TO BE ASSIMILATED.”  She draws closer, brandishing a blond-bobbed wig fitted with neuromemetic circuits and diodes.

“Wait—no.  Think about this!”  My voice rises to a fever pitch.  “THINK ABOUT THIS FOR A SEC—”

The wig slips on, flooding my brain with its poisonous tech.  My taste in clothing climbs to new heights of tackiness, while my desire to fuck around in other peoples’ business ratchets up to an uncontrollable degree.  

THIS is what means to be a Karen???  I’d rather bleed out in a medieval sewer!

So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My unwashed wiener slides out of my pants-leg (that’s right—through the ankle-hole, HEH heh heh!) and flops wildly around, releasing several gallons of toxic smegma from its horrid folds.  The effects vary—several Karens burst into flames, screaming like dying hyenas as they’re burnt to a crisp.  Others stumble back, coughing and gagging as the skin melts off their pock-marked skulls.  Some cry tears of blood, kneeling in despair before they unsheathe wakizashis and commit ritual suicide.

My God…the humanity…

Welp—that’s what you get for trying to turn me into a Karen!  Kent Wayne escapes again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Has the Karen Collective come for your unsuspecting ass?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited