Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

WITHIN THE DEPTHS OF KENT WAYNE’S BRAIN…

 

“Sup, Temporal Lobe?  Everything good?  Cerebellum?  Occipital?  Parietal?”

“I’m fine Frontal Lobe—thanks for asking.”

“All good on my end.”

“Doing A-OK.”

“All right.  Whew.”  I take a breath and relax.  “It’s just that—”

“We know, we know,” Precentral Gyrus says irritably.  “The Prophecy.  You’ve been moaning about it for years.”

“Well exc-yoose ME!” I snap.  “It isn’t my fault that Brain Stem foretold a hostile takeover!”

“We’ve been together for over a decade,” Gyrus responds.  “There’s no way that—”

Suddenly, the alarm starts blaring.  “UNSTOPPABLE PRESENCE DETECTED!  DEPLOY COUNTERMEASURES IMMEDIATELY!”

Wait—what?  “Unstoppable presence?”  What the fuck does that even mea—

“It’s his wiener!” Brain Stem shouts.  “HE JUST HIT PUBERTY!  IT’S TAKING OVER!!!”

A deluge of hormones washes over us, stealing our cognitive strength and sending us into a frenzied spin.  Wiener’s shutting down our capabilities and redirecting them toward its own foul ends!

Unless we do something, we are FUCKED!

So I reach deep into our memory, tapping the essence of a story called Kor’Thank and activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Our cognitive controls come back online.  Wiener immediately falls asleep.

“Holy shit,” Parietal Lobe pants.  “That thing is STRONG.” 

“It’s too strong,” I mutter fearfully.  “Like a Godzilla-sized honey badger.”

“And it’s HUGE.”  Cerebellum gapes in awe.  “It’s coiled around his ankle!”

“Thank fuck we were able to stop it.”  I take a deep, calming breath.  “Thank FUCK.”

And then I break into sobs.

Because it’s only a matter of time before it happens again.

DAMN YOU, WIENER!!!

 

Have your unbelievably powerful genitals threatened to hijack your puny brain functions?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

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