I’m terrified by what the future might hold for us. Pandemics. More Jake Paul. Super-Karens.
Which is why I’ve holed up in an apocalypse-proof bunker, biding my time until things settle down. I pass the time by writing, exercising, and cooking up nommies. Only three things I gotta do today: write, exercise, and eat.
But first things first: MyFriendsHotMom dot com!
I click through scenes, marveling at the deluge of low-level workers who somehow hook up with super-hot milfs. Poolboys, pizza deliverymen, plumbers…if only our society was as utopian as porn! Glorious!
But just as I’m about to bust, my hatch explodes inward. A stream of gun-toting SWAT guys flood in and sweep the room. One of them screams, “He’s gonna blow! If any of his super-sperm land on our skin, we’ll be impregnated with his rancid spawn!”
Three commandos sling their guns and rush to my wiener, squeezing it tight to keep mefrom spooging. Christ it hurts! Like ten pounds of pudding rolling around in my gut, trying like hell to escape my body!
“Why are you doing this?” I gasp.
“We work for the Department of Adulting—they hate the fact that you’re relaxing and chilling when everyone else is busting their ass. We were sent to abduct you and place you in a cubicle.” His eyes widen in his sweat-soaked balaclava. “Dude, this isn’t good for my mental health. I can’t keep squeezing your enormous wiener.”
“Your MENTAL health?” I grimace in pain. “How about my TESTICULAR health, asshole??? It feels like my sperm ducts are doing jiu jitsu!”
“What do we do?” One of his teammates sobs quietly into his hands. “What CAN we do?”
Fuck it. No options left. So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
My wiener breaks free, whipping every which way as it sprays them down with my disgusting seed. They scream and wail as my sperm go to work, burrowing into their orifices and infecting them with my DNA. One by one, they drop to their knees and commit seppuku.
“What can you do?” I rise to my feet, brush myself off, and crack my neck. “Not a goddamn thing. I will NEVER work for your Adulting masters!”
Kent Wayne wins again! Ha HA!
Have the agents of Adulting come to snatch you away and stick you in a cubicle? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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