I am battered. I am broken.
I am a stage mic.
Ever since the 80s, people thought it was cool to drop me on the ground after making their point. Initially, it wasn’t bad, but then it grew into a pop-culture trend. Nowadays, I live life in a concussive haze, fearing the next mouthbreather who wants to bounce me off the goddamn floor.
Fuck me—it’s about to happen again.
As Kent Wayne finishes his ridiculous pitch—“And THAT, my friends, is why you should invest in my exclusive line of disposable scrotum-warmers!”—he lets go and I fall toward the ground.
No no NO! I refuse to live as a victim of abuse!
So I reach deep in my mind and tap the high school absurdical called Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Kent Wayne’s gigantic wiener achieves sentience, pokes out through his right pants’ leg, and—
“I’ve got you, my phallic comrade!”
—wraps me tight in its veiny coils, saving me from yet another brain-rattling impact.
As I hold back tears, Kent Wayne’s audience explodes in horrified gasps. He tries to explain why his wiener is chilling by his shoe, exposed for all the world to see, but they’re not having it.
Ha HA! That’s what you get, you big-penised buffoon! Turnabout’s fair play!
Are you an innocent recording device, battered and beaten by a trending desire to drop you on your head? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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