What the butt-clench is happening, all my fellow miscalculating fuckers who’ve jumped into the sack with your lover without a second’s thought, but now sweat is beading across your forehead and shivers are running up your spine because you’re holding back the mother of all farts in the middle of smash-time and you don’t know what to do or how long you’ll last Jesus Christ your soul is TEARING DOWN THE MIDDLE—

How about some pre-fuck planning, you inconsiderate bag of gastrointestinal filth?  Stick to the salad, motherfucker, or you might destroy your lover’s face when they decide to toss yours!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀