“Throw ’em the Man Whore!”  Martha Stewart gestures disgustedly at me.  “All he’s good for is a bit of coitus!”

The other Vaunted Ones (those who took leadership of Earth in the 2020s) exchange uneasy looks from atop their obsidian thrones.  I try not to wring my hands but I can’t help it—they’re arranged around me in a giant, elevated circle; I feel like a Kryptonian prisoner who’s about to be imprisoned in the goddamn Phantom Zone.

Elon raises his hands in a placating gesture.  “Martha, think—we can’t just surrender people to the aliens when they want a test subject.  That would establish a dangerous precede—”

“He’s KENT FUCKING WAYNE, not some literary great or scientific luminary!  For Christ’s sakes, his only contribution is accounting for ninety percent of revenue on subpar MILF sites!  Who the fuck pays for porn nowadays???”

“Martha’s right,” Bill Gates mewls.  “Also:  he’s a mouthbreather.”

“Then it’s decided.”  Joe Rogan looks to either side, locking eyes with his world-leader compatriots.  “The Man Whore goes.”

Fuck this–I ain’t gonna live in no anal-probe internment camp!  So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My thick, upcurved wiener rips free of my pants, surging and rippling as it unwinds from my ankle and snakes high above my head.

“KENT WAYNE IS NOT TO BE TOUCHED.  WITNESS HIS GENITALS IN ALL THEIR GLORY—COULD YOU LET ONE SUCH AS I INTO THE HANDS OF YOUR OPPRESSORS?”

The elitists cower in their massive thrones.  Some drop to their knees and prostrate themselves. 

“My God—it’s BEAUTIFUL…”

“Look at the girth!  Look at the CURVE…”

“We can’t give him up!  He’s a goddamn treasure!”

“That’s right, bitches.”  I put my hands on my hips and smile with unabashed glee.  “Know your ROLE!”

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Are your world-ruling overlords intent on giving you up to those no-good Alien Grays?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

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