What the hog-bulge is happening, all my well-endowed peers who comprise 95% of the market for gray, penis-revealing sweatpants and who also religiously practice your front-thrust up-twerk so you can get your wiener bouncing and jouncing like some kind of ecstatic sea-creature in the throes of—

CHRIST ALMIGHTY, COVER YOUR PIECE!  Don’t be flaunting that new-fangled two-step, tempting all the young missies with your Satan-inspired vajeen-widener!  Jesus!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀