For several decades, my life was fine and dandy, then Bill Gates became Emperor of the World.  His first order of business was releasing a neuromemetic virus that turned me into a hunted man. 

That’s right—he’s infected the world with…

PENIS ENVY.

“Fuck!  FUCK!”  I flinch and duck as lasers scorch the air to my left and right, courtesy of the jetpacked assault men pursuing me through the woods.  On the ground, a pack of gun-toting hillbillies keep pace with me on ATVs.

“Big-penised sum’BITCH!”  One of them aims a carbine and chews up the trees with three-round bursts.

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Super hot Soccer Moms flood the forest, screaming with undiluted battle-fury (feel kinda like I’m being rescued by quinoa-scarfing, SUV-piloting variants of the hottest female Elves from LOTR.)  One of them runs up to me, throws me over her shoulder, and rips my dick out of my pants.  In her manicured fingers it becomes a lethal weapon—entangling legs, mushroom-stamping faces, and choking the fuck out of unarmored necks

Suddenly it’s over.  Heavy quiet descends upon us, filling the clearing with an eerie calm.

I hop down off the Soccer Mom’s back.  “Um…didn’t know my wiener had so many uses.”  I rub the back of my neck.  “Thanks for saving me.  I can’t repay you, but I’d like to try.  Maybe with some stuffed crust pizza and Voltron ’84?”

“Fuck the romance!”  One of them snarls.  “Gimme some a’ that upcurved THICKY!”  They rush my penis with fast-zombie fury.

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Has Gates tried to assassinate you for your beautiful, incomparable genitalia?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited