What the jerk-chafe is happening, all you wiener-beaters who stroke with the intensity of a thousand suns, but deeply regret it after your sixth or seventh jerk within 24 hours and now you’re reaching with a trembling hand for your tattered penis, teeth gritted like a mortally wounded action hero who’s about to pull the pin on a grenade so he can die like a boss and take a dozen bad guys with hi—

GET A HOBBY!  Damn dude, you can’t spend the entire day milking your hog in hopes of distracting yourself from the giant hole in your withered soul!  Jeez!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀