Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

Just won the lottery!  Woohoo! 

Gonna donate to charity, start a foundation for renewable energy, gonna—

 

ONE YEAR LATER…

Ugh…must have jerked it at least six or seven times and it’s not even noon…

You’d think with millions of dollars, I’d be knee-deep in women and questionable substances, but I’m a basic simpleton at heart—I’ve spent money on OnlyFans, pizzas from various restaurants with all manner of topping and crust, AAAaaand…

An army of gold robots.

Ahhh…this is the life.  Infinite pizza, copious porn, and an arena-style robo-duel whenever I want.  Never thought I’d say this, but I think I’m goo—

“WAYNE!  WAAAAAAYYYYNE!”

Oh shit—it’s Elon Musk!

“WHERE ARE YOU WAYNE???”  I can hear him tearing around outside, destroying my compound with the armaments built into his Mars-capable exosuit.  “NO ONE BUILDS AN ARMY OF GOLD ROBOTS WITHOUT MY SAY-SO!  YOU HEAR ME???  NO ONE!!!”

Fuck this asshole!  I’ve dreamt of a gold robot army since goddamn middle school!  Ain’t no way he’s gonna—

I rush outside and survey my yard.  My jaw drops in horror. 

He’s destroyed my robots.  Every single one.

“YOU’RE NEXT, WAYNE!”  He levels a gatling-laser arm right at my face.  Light spills from its barrels as it spins into a blur.

Fuck it.  No options left.  So I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

My pork sword unwinds from around my ankle and rips through my pants, shearing through Elon’s directed-energy barrage.  It’s magic-limned glans swell with power as weaponized force blast off its surface.  Under normal circumstances, I’d be reduced to a smoking ember.   But this is anything but normal—I’ve been imbued with otherworldly voltage. 

I run toward the billionaire, slipping through dimensions thanks to my quantum-charged body.

“WAIT…WHA—”  Elon staggers and stumbles, holding onto his cock-sliced belly.

I rise from my crouch, a dozen yards past him, holding my wiener like a motherfucking samurai sword. 

Wait for it…wait for it…

“Damn you Kent Waaaayyy…”

He collapses in place, a bloody corpse inside a metallic husk.

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Need to defeat a billionaire in a combat mecha with no other weapon aside from your drool-worthy genitals?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

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