Huh? What’s that bubbling sensation within my pendulous testes? God, it feels like someone’s shaking a soda inside my ballsack…
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Oh no—I snoozed my jerkoff alarm! If I don’t relieve the intratesticular pressure, the world will end in fire and shadow!
I run over to my computer and tap the keyboard, opening a browser pane to MyFriendsHotMom dot com. As the video start playing, I start frantically jerking it.
My wiener-beating is interrupted by an incoming call—the President of the United States takes center screen, then shrinks into a small, corner-screen window.
“Christ almighty, Kent! Our sensors picked up a massive disturbance! Just what in the sam hill is going on over there?”
“Sorry, Mr. President!” A bead of sweat trickles down my temple as I shake hands with the milkman as fast as I can. “I slept through my jerkoff alarm!”
“Dammit, Kent—you know full well that if you don’t relieve yourself on a regular basis, your goddamn super sperm will impregnate every living hole in a thousand-mile radius! Now I gotta atomize the entire western seaboard!”
“Wait!” I scream. “Wait just a—”
Too late. His image blips out.
Shit. He’s made his decision. What do I do—get one last jerk in before the world ends in nuclear fire, or…
Fuck it. I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
Time rewinds. BrzzweeOZZZT! I wake up half an hour earlier, well before it’s time to empty my balls.
Before I can rush over to my computer, a sultry voice stops me in my tracks: “Hello, Kent.”
What do you know—Soccer Mom Prime is here to help!
Kent Wayne wins again! Ha HA!
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