Huh?  What’s that bubbling sensation within my pendulous testes?  God, it feels like someone’s shaking a soda inside my ballsack…

BEEP!  BEEP!  BEEP!

Oh no—I snoozed my jerkoff alarm!  If I don’t relieve the intratesticular pressure, the world will end in fire and shadow!

I run over to my computer and tap the keyboard, opening a browser pane to MyFriendsHotMom dot com.  As the video start playing, I start frantically jerking it. 

My wiener-beating is interrupted by an incoming call—the President of the United States takes center screen, then shrinks into a small, corner-screen window.

“Christ almighty, Kent!  Our sensors picked up a massive disturbance!  Just what in the sam hill is going on over there?”

“Sorry, Mr. President!”  A bead of sweat trickles down my temple as I shake hands with the milkman as fast as I can.  “I slept through my jerkoff alarm!”

“Dammit, Kent—you know full well that if you don’t relieve yourself on a regular basis, your goddamn super sperm will impregnate every living hole in a thousand-mile radius!  Now I gotta atomize the entire western seaboard!”

“Wait!” I scream.  “Wait just a—”

Too late.  His image blips out.

Shit.  He’s made his decision.  What do I do—get one last jerk in before the world ends in nuclear fire, or…

Or…

Fuck it.  I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

Time rewinds.  BrzzweeOZZZT!   I wake up half an hour earlier, well before it’s time to empty my balls.

Before I can rush over to my computer, a sultry voice stops me in my tracks:  “Hello, Kent.”

What do you know—Soccer Mom Prime is here to help!

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

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