Careful…CAREFUL…time the leap, and—
I scuttle into the dense jungle of Kent Wayne’s pubes, signaling my brethren to follow behind. We stream into his unkempt bush, setting up spawning beds with the precision and professionalism of a well-versed SWAT team.
“What the FUCK!” Kent Wayne screams. “There’s goddamn CRABS ON MY GODDAMN DICK!”
“Pay no mind!” I yell cheerfully. “His creams and shampoos are no use against our customized genetics!” (Over the last few spawning cycles, we purposefully cross-bred the strongest and fittest of us with the express purpose of ravaging Kent Wayne’s juicy genitals. The CDC would shit their pants if they took a peek at our hardy DNA).
“AYE!” my fellow lice shout. As soon as they land, they start ripping into his fetid skin, swallowing and gulping his Man Whore blood.
Over the next few days he tries to kills us with various chemicals. We’ve invented a ritual—whenever he douses us, we yell “HERE TO STAY!” and break into raucous song. Ha! You ain’t NEVER getting laid, motherfucker! Not when your wiener is crawling with dime-sized bugs!
As time passes, we revel and celebrate. He cries and masturbates. HEH heh heh! Life is good! But then he pulls his ace: he opens his magic eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers. Magic flash.
The pubes around us begin moaning and writhing, snatching up lice and smothering them in week-old food and rotten globules of discolored smegma. Cries erupt from every direction: “Game over, man—GAME OVER!” along with, “There’s…too…MANY! NYAAAAAGHHH!!!” and, “they came from BEHIND!”
“No.” My eyes widen in dawning horror as my spawn-mates fall one after another. “NO!”
Gotta make it off this fucking deathtrap. I skitter toward his thigh, but just as I ready myself to leap onto his leg, a pube wraps tight around my torso.
Let go of me, fucker! Let fucking go of—
Have super-lice infested your hairy necessaries? Never fear! Get Kor’Thank here: Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl. Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here: Vol. 1 on Kindle. Vol. 2 on Kindle here: Vol.2 on Kindle Vol. 3 on Kindle here: Vol. 3 on Kindle Vol.4 on Kindle here: Vol. 4 on Kindle Echo Omnibus here: Echo Omnibus Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here: Combined Edition Musings, Volume 1 is available here: Musings, Volume 1 If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast: Strained Brains! It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play! Please give it a listen and a five-star review! Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human: Optimization! 🙂 🙂 😀
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