What the dick-lips are happening, all my fellow mid-coitus contemplators who’ve taken a moment to stare down at the tiny flaps at the end of your piece and struggled not to burst into laugh—

What are you—FIVE???  Never, EVER contemplate the hilarities of sex (of which there are many) before you’re about to grunt and pump like a meth’d up fast-zombie!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!