Kor’Thank: A High School Absurdical

What to write what to write what to WRITE…

Blurgh.

Already jerked it like six or seven times, so pleasuring myself is out of the question.  (At this point it’s like playing pool with a piece of silly string).  Eat some shrooms?  Why the hell not.

GALUMPH!

As my thought-form rockets clear of my body, the mindscape fills with ill intentions.  What the fuck?

A second later, it all becomes clear:  I’ve been ambushed by a wild pack of Karens!

The Karen Collective chuckles and titters, then telepathically beams into my mind:  [WELL WELL WELL.  IF IT ISN’T KENT WAYNE—FREEWHEELING MAN WHORE AND MANAGER-DEVOID SHITHEAD.  THINGS ARE GONNA CHANGE, AS OF RIGHT FUCKING NOW.  ONCE WE INFECT YOU WITH OUR NEUROMEMETIC PROGRAMMING, YOU’LL BE OVERCOME BY THE DESIRE TO SLAVE AWAY FOR A FACELESS CORPORATION.  PREPARE TO EXPERIENCE MANAGERS A-PLENTY, MOTHERFUCKER!]

[No.]  My eyes widen in horror.  [NO!]

[Oh yes.] they purr.  [YOUR ANKLE-LENGTH WIENER’S GONNA SHRIVEL BACK UP INTO YOUR FETID TORSO.  LIKE SOMEONE PUNCHED A HAIRY CRATER INTO YOUR CROTCH.]

Fuck this.  Ain’t no way I’m going back to Adulting.  I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

Their evil presence explodes with firecracker pops and razzle-dazzle streams of light.  I cover my eyes with a forearm, shocked by the release of arcane energy.  They’re transforming into something, but I can’t say what…

A moment later, the tumult resolves.  Instead of the nasty-ass tinge of megachurch and fruitcakes (who gives fruitcakes as a goddamn gift???  Karens do and you know it—you fucking KNOW IT!) the mindscape is filled with pretty smiles, beautiful booty, and DTF horniness.

That’s right—Karens were never meant to exist.  This is what they were supposed to be the entire fucking time.

Super hot Soccer Moms.

[Let the debauchery begin!]  The Soccer Mom Collective descends upon me in an unstoppable surge of let’s-get-bizzy energy.  I blurt a quick tee-HEE before they ravage my consciousness with wave after wave of ball-draining thirst.

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

Have you been ambushed by the Karen Collective?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited

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