What to write what to write what to WRITE…

Blurgh.

Already jerked it like six or seven times, so pleasuring myself is out of the question.  (At this point it’s like playing pool with a piece of silly string).  Eat some shrooms?  Why the hell not.

GALUMPH!

As my thought-form rockets clear of my body, the mindscape fills with ill intentions.  What the fuck?

A second later, it all becomes clear:  I’ve been ambushed by a wild pack of Karens!

The Karen Collective chuckles and titters, then telepathically beams into my mind:  [WELL WELL WELL.  IF IT ISN’T KENT WAYNE—FREEWHEELING MAN WHORE AND MANAGER-DEVOID SHITHEAD.  THINGS ARE GONNA CHANGE, AS OF RIGHT FUCKING NOW.  ONCE WE INFECT YOU WITH OUR NEUROMEMETIC PROGRAMMING, YOU’LL BE OVERCOME BY THE DESIRE TO SLAVE AWAY FOR A FACELESS CORPORATION.  PREPARE TO EXPERIENCE MANAGERS A-PLENTY, MOTHERFUCKER!]

[No.]  My eyes widen in horror.  [NO!]

[Oh yes.] they purr.  [YOUR ANKLE-LENGTH WIENER’S GONNA SHRIVEL BACK UP INTO YOUR FETID TORSO.  LIKE SOMEONE PUNCHED A HAIRY CRATER INTO YOUR CROTCH.]

Fuck this.  Ain’t no way I’m going back to Adulting.  I open my eReader to Kor’Thank, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash. 

Their evil presence explodes with firecracker pops and razzle-dazzle streams of light.  I cover my eyes with a forearm, shocked by the release of arcane energy.  They’re transforming into something, but I can’t say what…

A moment later, the tumult resolves.  Instead of the nasty-ass tinge of megachurch and fruitcakes (who gives fruitcakes as a goddamn gift???  Karens do and you know it—you fucking KNOW IT!) the mindscape is filled with pretty smiles, beautiful booty, and DTF horniness.

That’s right—Karens were never meant to exist.  This is what they were supposed to be the entire fucking time.

Super hot Soccer Moms.

[Let the debauchery begin!]  The Soccer Mom Collective descends upon me in an unstoppable surge of let’s-get-bizzy energy.  I blurt a quick tee-HEE before they ravage my consciousness with wave after wave of ball-draining thirst.

Kent Wayne wins again!  Ha HA!

😀

 

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