[It has been millions of years since we planted the seeds of humanity within the mammalian genome] My fellow Alien Gray, Zorbot 7, telepathically beams to me.  [Let us see what has come of our efforts.]

[Agreed.] I reply.  [Earth has changed since it was infested by saurian aviads.  Bless that meteor for clearing them out.]

Zorbot 7 palms the haptic flight globe, causing holographic overlays to blaze into existence around his hand.  [Much has been said of the one known as ‘Kent Wayne.’  Let us plumb the depths of his anus with an extra thorough probe.]

[I’m down for a probe.] I reply.  [On a related note, I can’t believe humans started licking each others’ poop-chutes for sexual pleasure.]

[You and me both.]  Zorbot 7 shakes his head in disgust as our craft descends toward North America.

 

MEANWHILE, IN THE HOVEL KNOWN AS KENT WAYNE’S CONDO…

Doo-bee-doo-bee-doo…gonna work out, write 2000 words, clear out my email folder, and—

Fuck all that!  Gonna jerk off to MyFriendsHotMom dot com!

 

TWELVE HOURS LATER…

Ugh…jerked it so many times I lost count.  God, I need to hydrate…aching joints, gummy mouth, my skin feels dry and stretched, like cracked leather…

Wait—what the fuck?  Something silvery and circular just landed in my parking lot.  I think it’s…

Oh shit—ALIENS. 

My door flies open and they come floating in, holding cylindrical instruments in their four-fingered hands.  They’ve come to probe me for shits and giggles!

Not gonna happen, fuckers.  Not only have I rooted around in my own bung, trying to verify if the male g-spot is a real thing (it isn’t for me—I suspect that a conniving dickhead started that rumor to see how many gullible dudes like yours truly would fingerblast their dirt star) I’ve also accidentally sat on a giant cucumber and my dick didn’t even so much as twitch.

So I open my eReader to Echo, activating its reality distortion powers.  Magic flash.

The fart-ridden bedding on my jizz-stained futon comes to life, dancing through the air, like a hellish version of those animated mops from the Sorcerer’s Apprentice scene in Disney’s Fantasia.  They dogpile the Aliens in the blink of an eye, covering them in a matted layer-cake of my nastiest sleep-farts.

[AAAGH!  THBBBT!  THESE HUMANS ARE FAR TOO DISGUSTING!  FLEE ZORBOT, LEST THEIR UNHOLY FLATULENCE STRIP THE SKIN FROM OUR BONES AND SINEW!]

Coughing and gagging, the ET invaders sprint out to their craft, thrashing their arms in a futile effort to rid themselves of my fart-blankets.  Ha HA, motherfuckers!  That’s what you get for trying to fuck with us humans!

Oh hey—one of them dropped an anal-probe thingy. 

I got zilch with a finger, but I wonder…

FOR THE NEXT TEN-YEARS, KENT WAYNE WORE ADULT DIAPERS TO ACCOMMODATE HIS WIDENED BUTT-HOLE.  AS THE WISE HAVE SAID:  IF YOU CAN’T STAND THE HEAT, GET OUT THE KITCHEN.  (ONLY IN THIS CASE, REPLACE “HEAT” WITH “ASS-GUN” AND “KITCHEN” WITH “ANAL APOCALYPSE”).

 

Are extraterrestrial invaders dead-fucking-set on ruining your anus?  Never fear!  Get Kor’Thank here:  Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl.  Get Echo Vol. 1 on Kindle here:  Vol. 1 on Kindle.  Vol. 2 on Kindle here:  Vol.2 on Kindle  Vol. 3 on Kindle here:  Vol. 3 on Kindle  Vol.4 on Kindle here:  Vol. 4 on Kindle  Echo Omnibus here:  Echo Omnibus  Echo Vol. 1 & 2 Combined Edition here:  Combined Edition  Musings, Volume 1 is available here:  Musings, Volume 1  If you wanna hear me babble on about anything and everything, and strain my FREAKIN’ BRAIN, then here’s a link to my podcast:  Strained Brains!  It is on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, and Google Play!  Please give it a listen and a five-star review!  Here’s the miscellaneous gear that I use to try and become an uber-human:  Optimization!  🙂 🙂 😀

Hold on!  I just got approved to be an Amazon affiliate!  If you’re going to buy ANY product from Amazon, and you’d like to support my efforts for absolutely free, then simply click on one of the Echo links I’ve provided—they’ll send you to Echo’s Amazon page—and THEN buy whatever product you wish.  Amazon gives me a small referral fee each time this happens!  In this manner you can support my books, musings, podcast, zany ads, or my adventures along the noble path known as The Way of The Man Child WITHOUT spending any more money than you were already going to!  Should you do this, I vow to send you a silent blessing, causing your genitals to adopt the optimum size, shape, smell, and death-ray attachment of choice that paralyzes your enemies with fear and envy!  Entire worlds will bow before your nether parts!  😲💪 😜  #Kindle  #KindleUnlimited