What the scatter-pee is happening, all my fellow big-dick-slitted meat-slingers who’ve tried in vain to explain to your loved one that even though a giant opening on the head of your wiener is fun to play with and looks super cool, it’s not conducive to toilet marksmanship and FUCK NO you aren’t going to sit down to pee, that would be the end of civilization as you know it—

Holy fuckgobble!  Come on man—with a great slit comes great responsibility!  Just do like I do and build yourself a pee funnel onto the side of the toilet!  No one wants to walk in your bathroom and think they’re in a post-apocalyptic zombie movie with yellow stains and nasty-smelling rust as far as the eye can see!  Jesus!

Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast!  If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank:  Barbarian Valley Girl!  If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo!  If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains!  And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them!  Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors.  Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!

🙂 🙂 😀