What the nut-cut is happening, all you fellow sack-slingers who’re scheduled to go on a first date in the next few hours but you’ve accidentally nicked your scrotum because you were too lazy to choose a Manscape groomer over your goddamn face-razor and now your mind is racing a thousand miles an hour, rifling through explanation after explanation about how your balls are actually sparkly clean and it’s just a discoloration oh fuck she’s not gonna buy it whip out the wakizashi TIME TO COMMIT SEPPUKU—
Slow the fuck down there, you slit-sack samurai! Everyone knows there’s like a 70% chance she’s not gonna gorge on your balls on the first fucking date! And even if she is, just guide her mouth toward the unwounded ball! That’s the whole reason you were born with two! Jesus!
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast! If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!
🙂 🙂 😀