What the terror-poop is going on, all you warriors-made-cowards who have broken into a cold, trembling sweat as your butthole lurches and strains, holding back an onslaught of filthy evil that wrenches and twists your hopelessly outmatched sphincter while threatening to bust through like a Mordor-spawned Balrog that hasn’t fucked for a thousand years and is now sporting the biggest demon-boner of all goddamn time—
KNOW YOUR BATHROOMS! In all situations, you should be scanning the room like a wannabe special operator, logging where you can unleash your nasty-ass mudslide! These are basic life skills, mofo! Jesus!
Anyways, now that I’ve got your attention, let me direct it towards my books and my podcast! If you’re hankering for some psychedelic high school fun with a giant side of interdimensional monsters and teen genius hijinks, check out Kor’Thank: Barbarian Valley Girl! If you want a big ol’ helping of robot vs. wizard pew pew, along with an extra serving of existential philosophy, check out my science fiction series Echo! If you simply want to hear me run my suckhole about all things upon the Earth and possibly within my pants, then check out my podcast Strained Brains! And don’t forget to leave a positive review for them! Positive reviews—even though they only take a minute or two of your time—are like $1000 tips for us indie authors. Every one of them is SUPER appreciated!
🙂 🙂 😀